AIRES: loud, passionate, attention seeking. most aires women I know either want to be famous singers, famous models, or famous musicians. most aires men I know want to be famous artists, famous musicians, or famous athletes. hard working to achieve their goals, aires are by far the most passionate of the signs. flighty partners, typically will be in and out of multiple relationships, losing interest quickly in one and gaining interest in someone else no matter how strong a connection is. TAURUS: put together in a "you'll never know my whole life" kind of way, making it hard to tell how put together they really are. always busy. always. always have plans with someone at that time, or need to be doing work on this thing at that time. will most likely show up to a first date with a time sensitive 20-question buzzer, they will need to know if you meet most of their entry level standards to move onto the next round. lovely sexual partners, taurus men are the most passionate lovers and typically enjoy to be on bottom in a seated, Indian-style position. the women are complete subs in the bedroom seeing as how they are absolute control freaks at all other times. great friends to have, be careful not to read too much into them as you might find they are chameleons and inhabit most of the other signs personality traits to confuse you. GEMINI: as my least favorite sign, I have to say they are complex individuals. typically have something to say about every popular topic at hand, appearing to be knowledgeable, but it is superficial. there is not much regard for other people in their bubbly personality making them seem open hearted and fun. typically a night out with a gemini is a recipe for disaster, you will likely end up lost, climbing over a fence that says "NO trespassing" toward an abandoned lot that seems to be lived in by drug addicts. but that would be an ideal date for a gemini seeing as most of them are insane, addicts (typically cocaine, or heroine).. also, not sure if it's just my experience, but all of the gemini men i've met in my life are closeted homosexuals, would make sense considering there are really two people in there. I dunno, stay away from these wackos, they are seemingly a good time, but will end up destroying your life. CANCER: cancers are beautiful people, extremely thoughtful (amazing gift givers) and selfless in life and love. they make great parents, being able to predict the families needs and step up to the plate in a timely manner (having a dinner prepared that everyone likes as soon as everyone is hungry). cancers are romantic people, they enjoy the thought of receiving flowers without asking, or buying your favorite obscure record for you as a "Happy Wednesday" gift. my only real downside experience with cancers will have to be that stereotypical "they're too emotional," blah blah blah.. yes, they can be emotional and cry you into a depressive state with them, but it's only because their huge hearts were momentarily stricken by hopelessness. Cancer's always bounce back, they find happiness in the smallest things. LEO: some of the most interesting people. they apprehend glory out of thin fucking air, I swear it. I've got a Leo buddy that calls himself "TumbleWeed" on the playa (at burning man) because he would literally stumble into people's camps high as fuck, sit right down and join a conversation that he had no previous involvement in, pick up on exactly what they were speaking of and say something so absolutely enlightened and prophetic and then just leave the camp and move on. they are true public speakers, and have a way with communicating exactly their thoughts and opinions on life in a non threatening or violent way. I feel that this sense of belonging is why they come off arrogant and egotistical, they believe themselves to be kings (literal kings of the jungle, Lions, duh), and so they treat themselves as such. they make a gnarly pan of scrambled eggs, and are fun in the bedroom, making things playful and enticing. VIRGO: ah, that's me. virgo's have this general assumption to them that everything must be perfect. it isn't that, it's the fact that we have an ideal picture of our lives, and that our lives are seeming to never live up to that standard and so to curb that frustration, we attain perfection in all of the controllable aspects of it. the way our clothes are folded, the way the dishwasher is loaded, the way we assemble our keys in our hand making sure that we have the right one before getting to the door.. there is so much attention to detail in our lives that it seems like obsession with perfection, when it is more so an attempt to obtain solace by control. deemed as "The Virgin" virgos are one of the dirtiest signs in and out of the bedroom. sexting, yes please.. dirty pictures, yes.. lick my asshole? please do.. LIBRA: ah, my sweet libras. so naive and imaginative of the realm that is love. libras have a true and distinctive duality in their life (stereotypical to the scales), where in love they want someone to LOVE EVERY SINGLE PART OF THEM AND ACCEPT THEM FOR EXACTLY WHO THEY ARE.. and also, are REPULSED by the thought that someone else would actually find them lovable. it causes a lot of grief in a Libra's love life, constantly searching for that person that will give them just the right amount of CONSTANT attention, without making them feel necessarily desired as a romantic interest.. most times, I find that Scorpio's are an amazing match for these little angels. also, total givers during sex. never need you ask for oral, it'll be pants off - tongue to your genitalia - with a libra. SCORPIO: ...okay... MEN: short attention span, musicians at heart, dead inside, vaguely remember your face after having met three + times? probably DON'T want to fuck you despite common assumption, have no regard for authority, will roast your ass in the calmest most unexpected manner ever, cool social exterior, furious interior WOMEN: backstabbing toward other women, really enjoy sex - like a lot - with other people's partners, have complete resting bitch face, will literally eat your soul out of its soul chakra, high achieving business women, make a mean cocktail both Scorpio men AND women make amazing managers in any occupation because of their stubborn authority and forceful manipulation tactics. *not that freaky in bed, very emotionally attached to their genitals, will fall in love after 3+ times sexing* SAGITTARIUS: oh lord, I love Sag's. truly all they want is to have a good time. the most open people I have ever met, open to taking drugs at any time of day, open to new sexual ideas (including anal for the men), open to new foods and places and ideas and and and. they are true philosophers and have a boundless nature towards life. this also makes them EXTREMELY hard to pin down romantically, if you want a sag in your bed forever, never stop enthusing them.. you must always have something for them to do, keep them occupied with promise of excitement, and always look your best on an outing with them because they always will and always will expect you too, as well. AMAZING IN BED, BEST SEX EVER SAG MAN CAPRICORN: if the zodiac were a winnie the pooh episode, capricorns would be eeyore. they are naturally down and hard on themselves. most suffer from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.. never publicly ridicule a capricorn, they will not be able to wrap their head around why you would say something so hurtful in public and will likely leave a social situation to avoid slitting their wrists in front of others. beautiful, kind, souls, they seem cold and detached romantically, but this is just from a deep sense of hopelessness that no one will ever love them truly and they will be alone forever. if you catch a capricorn, keep them and cherish them always. takes them a while to open up sexually, don't force it. total home bodies, let them have their multiple nights in and you will be rewarded when you come home from your night out. AQUARIUS: aquarians are known as the gods of the zodiac for one reason, they are master manipulators. they seem to know everything about everything and exploit their knowledge in tricky ways to prove their superiority in academic and social situations. it goes beyond speaking an answer aloud when the teacher asked for a raise of hands, it's more so like besting a friend in a trivia game when you are on the same team, and they had hit the buzzer first, just to prove you're smarter and know more. they also are completely content with doing NOTHING for many hours per day. both the men and women are vain and enjoy how they look to a strange degree at which it may seem they will devour themselves after a shower. typically involved in off-beat hobbies such as "thursday night bike group" or "barre class" typically will entice sexual partners with their seemingly cute wit, but be warned there is deadly intelligence lurking beneath. profoundly cold and distant, are non-empathetic and are truly aliens to the human race. PISCES: my favorite sign of them all, pisces are the true humanitarians of the zodiac. empaths through and through, they emanate and exude peace, making them amazing deliberators, mediators, and diplomats. able to evaluate all sides of a situation, pisceans are the ones that help you settle feuds among your friend group and may give you advice on how to deal with your significant other. amazingly talented, they are typically always humming, drawing, writing, playing guitar or purely daydreaming because the world they live in is so much more ideal than the one happening around them. they manifest their own reality. I've built them up too much - here's a downfall - they can flip on a mother fucking dime if they feel you are beginning to betray them in any way. they will cut you out of their lives 100% to avoid loss of their perfect dream image of you.. beautiful lovers, so gentle, lots of eye contact.. well that's all folks! oh, and here's my most favorite to least list: PISCES SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN SCORPIO VIRGO CANCER TAURUS LEO AQUARIUS LIBRA AIRES GEMINI