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aromantic support

@aro-positivity / aro-positivity.tumblr.com

an aspec positive safe space! open to all ages.
Anonymous asked:

Can I be aro but still want to have a fwb? I am so confused with my identity atm T_T

yeah absolutely! this might sound odd, but attraction doesn’t make or define a relationship. it is often a prerequisite, but doesn’t have to be. 

Do you have any favorite aro songs you recommend? I personally love "I'm Good" by The Mowgli's and "Alone and Sublime" by Mother Mother.

Hope you have a great day!

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i have an aro playlist! i’ve never listened to Alone and Sublime, but i’ve added it!

When I was younger,

I told everyone that

I would never fall in love.

Adults all laughed

And smiled knowingly.

“Just wait ‘til you’re older,”

They would say

“You’ll change your tune.”

But I didn’t.

And I won’t.

They don’t laugh anymore

When I say that

I don’t want to get married.

They exchange worried glances

As though there is something wrong with me.

As though I am broken.

But I am not broken.

In fact, I am

Completely whole

All by myself.

Anonymous asked:

Hello! I have some questions about figuring some aromantic things out as I'm genuinely questioning myself. Do you have a resource list that mobile isn't showing me? Or do you know if there's someone I can talk to who I wouldn't be bothering with questions?

I don’t have a resource list unfortunately, but I would strongly recommend Arocalypse. It’s a forum for aromantics and includes a really good faq. You’re also welcome to go there and chat with the regulars, and if you have questions they even have an anonymous q&a section.

You’re absolutely welcome to ask questions here if you want to as well. 

All the best and good luck!

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I feel like most of the aro posts on my blog are about how being aro doesn't inherently exclude you from the possibility of finding a partner— because I'm an aro who would quite like a partner someday— but I really want to emphasise that:

It is okay if you personally don't want a partner.

And this still applies if you're allosexual.

Some of the worst arophobia I have seen on this site has been from people who seem to think that it suddenly becomes okay and acceptable to slut-shame people so long as they're aromantic.

"Aromantic people are just straight men who want to have sex with women and then dump them!"

"If the 'a' includes aromantics then frat boys are lgbt!"

"Aromantic? Don't you mean sociopath?" (This is also, obviously, ableist, btw. Having a mental disorder doesn't preclude you from being a good person if you want to be.)

Look, it's not 1856. You shouldn't have to declare your undying love for somebody and get permission from a vicar before you're allowed to sleep with them. While sex can be a way for people to become closer as a couple or show their love for their partner, it can also just be like a fun activity that you do because you're horny. And while I feel like a lot of people on this site claim to agree with that statement, some of them really seem to have trouble understanding that it doesn't magically stop being true because you're aro.

Aros can have multiple partners.

Aros can have casual friends with benefits situations that aren't anywhere near as intense/committed as qprs.

Aros can have random hookups.

Whatever you do in bed, it is literally nobody's business except you and any people you currently happen to be in bed with. So long as everybody involved is consenting, being safe and having a good time, you're not doing anything wrong.

And this still applies if you are a heterosexual, cisgender man.

Your attraction is not inherently predatory, misogynistic or objectifying just because it isn't accompanied by romantic feelings. You don't owe people mushy feelings and a relationship just because you had sex with them. If you go into a sexual encounter with someone making it clear that it's just going to be about sex, and then they start getting upset with you for not providing more, then that's not your fault.

Don't feel obliged to do things that aren't natural to you just because alloros try and guilt you into it.

And for everyone else:

If your sex positivity doesn't include aromantics, then it's not true sex positivity.

💚💚💚💚

Anonymous asked:

Hey I just feel confused at the moment lol, but I've learned a lot about sexuality over the last three or so years figuring it all out myself. Bit I would say I fall under the asexual and aromatic spectrum like I read about grey romantic which I relate too, but I feel like one day having a relationship won't be too bad? But I still don't experience "romantic attraction" as much,,, only to fictional characters lmao but yeah I need advice I guess :/

my advice? you don’t have to worry about taking on an identifier now and then throwing it out later as you grow and your understanding of yourself changes. just because you relate to a label now doesn’t mean you’ll relate to it forever! my journey to the labels i use now has been long and messy, and i’ve cast off just as many labels as i’ve taken on. taking on and discarding labels doesn’t make you indecisive—the labels you use are meant to be a help to you, to help you understand your place in the world better. if later on you develop romantic attraction to someone, or get into a relationship, you can find a new label as your understanding of what you want changes. 

as for feeling romantic attraction to fictional characters, there are a host of more specific labels you could use, if you wanted to—but there’s also no shame in picking a more “umbrella” label that doesn’t quite fit. sometimes rain is going to get under your umbrella, and that’s fine, just as long as you’re not getting too wet.

i hope this helped! feel free to send in another ask or message me privately if you need to!

to my romance repulsed aromantics

this one is for you. if the thought of romance squicks you out, if you just don’t want to think about romantic behaviors—you are valid. you exist, and you are important, and what you want has always and will forever continue to matter. 

for all of my aro sapphics who feel like they are perpetuating harmful sapphic stereotypes: you aren’t and you are wonderful! there is nothing wrong with not experiencing romantic attraction! you are not sexualizing women by just being who you are! you don’t hurt the sapphic community! you deserve to feel pride in who you are and not feel bad for being aromantic in sapphic circles!

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good morning to aromantic people who have too many succulents, aro people who would buy a shirt because it was green, aro people in relationships, aro people who don’t have enough time to create the art they want to create, aro people who live with their parents, aro people who don’t have a tiktok, aro trans people, aro people who put stickers on their laptop and water bottle, aro people who are vegetarian, aro people who adore seasonal starbucks drinks, and aro people who only wear black

i’ve been on hold at my library for a book about asexuality for a few weeks and i just read an article about some concepts in the book re: consent. and holy shit. blew my mind. i’ve NEVER read about consent in the context of a relationship with an ace and an allo that resonated so strongly with me, and as a person in such a relationship!! it’s so!!! i’m even more excited for the book now.

god okay, just to gush about this more, the author suggests using the categories of enthusiastic, willing, unwilling and coerced consent (rather than just “enthusiastic consent” or “no means no”). i really recommend reading the whole article linked above, but what blew my mind is the distinction between enthusiastic and willing consent. it gets broken down like this:

Enthusiastic consent:

  • When I want you
  • When I don’t fear the consequences of saying yes OR saying no
  • When saying no means missing out on something I want

Willing consent:

  • When I care about you though I don’t desire you (right now)
  • When I’m pretty sure saying yes will have an okay result and I think maybe that I’d regret saying no
  • When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes

and like!!! it made me realize i may have never actually enthusiastically consented in my life, but like, that doesn’t mean i have never or cannot consent! i almost always fall into the “willing consent” framework and i’ve never seen that….validated anywhere. anyway, it’s just given me this perspective about my sexuality and consent in general and better ways to relate to my partner and!!! idk!!! thank goodness for other ace people, is what i’m saying.

This is very useful and a lot of sex work can also be best understood as willing consent, where the indirect consequences of having sex (getting paid) are what is desired and the direct consequences (having probably-mediocre sex with someone you don’t actively desire) are not considered so negative that they outweigh the indirect consequences.

Which is a definition of consent that gives sex workers agency and sees their consent as a choice made again and again based on the pros and cons, not something that is coerced and also not something that always exists by default simply because they are sex workers.

Recognizing willing consent is probably validating for a lot of people who have consent to sex without meeting the definition of enthusiastic consent. 

is it possible to be aromantic and still want/pursue a romantic relationship?

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Yeah, absolutely. Lots of aro people still want/enjoy doing romance coded things or being in romantic relationships for a whole host of reasons.

There’s even a label for aros who experience little or no romantic attraction and still want/seek out romantic relationships called cupioromantic.

All the best!

Edit: Sorry, @captainrandomstranger18, I accidentally hit post publicly for this ask, if you want me to take it down, just let me know!

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An In-Depth Explanation of What Crushes Feel Like

Your friendly neighborhood alloromantic (aka someone who experiences romantic attraction, aka the opposite of aromantic) is here to tell you how I feel romantic attraction! Of course, this is just my personal experience, but most of these things are common among people who have crushes. If you’re questioning if you’re aro, I hope this helps clear some things up for you!

For those of you who don’t know, I’m an ace lesbian, meaning I don’t feel sexual attraction, and I’m only romantically attracted to other girls. Today I’m going to talk about the girl I currently like. Please brace yourself for an intoxicating amount of sapphic energy.

I think about her all the time. That’s hardly an exaggeration. She’s the last thing I think about before I fall asleep, and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I haven’t seen her in a few months, but when I saw her every day at school, I would get nervous talking to her, practically physically shaking, even though she’s one of my best friends. I have to consciously limit the amount of times I text her, because everything reminds me of her.

Thinking about her always makes me smile, but at the same time, there’s pain, because I know she doesn’t feel the same way. I haven’t told her I like her, but it’s just a gut feeling. There’s constantly a voice in my head saying She doesn’t like you, Alcyone. You need to stop. You’re just going to get hurt. But at the same time, I can’t help but have the tiniest bit of hope: But what if? The constant tension of simultaneous hope and despair is exhausting. I try so hard to get it off my mind, but most of the time, I can’t.

Whenever I watch movies or TV shows with romantic plot lines, I imagine myself with her. She’s who comes to mind when I daydream about a future with my wife. I know how stupid it is, but I just have this stubborn certainty that I would give up so much to be with her.

I spend far too much time daydreaming about a possible future together. No matter how impossible it is, thinking about her just makes me happy. I imagine various date scenarios of us whenever I see a nice spot for a picnic or a cute little cafe. Being physically close to her makes my heart literally beat faster, and I tend to stumble over my words even more than I normally do.

People often talk about how crushes “hurt.” For me, the pain comes from the struggle of knowing she doesn’t reciprocate, yet not being able to let go. I will never confess how I feel, because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I know that. But I just. can’t. stop. thinking. about. her.

I don’t know if this was at all helpful, but I hope any questioning folks got some insight into what romantic attraction feels like (for me at least). Please continue this post if my fellow alloromantics have anything to add!

on microlabels

a lot of people (coughs in tiktok) have been saying lately that microlabels are harmful. what i have to say about that, as someone who’s been in and out of a lot of queer spaces in their life, is that if you use a microlabel, and you feel it’s helpful to your understanding of your identity, absolutely continue to use it. labels are tools that help us navigate the spaces we live in. if you love your label, keep using it! be proud of it! you are valid, it is no one’s business but yours, and you are more important than any queer discourse.