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Now, step forward

@anonymoussong / anonymoussong.tumblr.com

Can you do it?

Caduceus when Trent came up to them looked so pissed like we’ve rarely (if ever really) seen him angry (we’ve seen him annoyed and ticked off but never really pissed) and like just before this we saw him ask a lady, who literally stabbed him in the back less than 24 hours ago, if she wanted a hug, but the moment Trent Dickathon got close to Caleb he turned into a scowling angry Firbolg, who, when Yasha “jokingly” asked if she should kill Trent, Caduceus quietly said “we can” like they were all ready to throw hands if need be (that wall of strong women inbetween Caleb and Trent makes my heart weak) but Caduceus is usually the voice of “don’t provoke violence towards them if we don’t need to/let’s try words first” but he was 100% down to kill Trent then and there no questions asked, just quietly standing behind Caleb and glaring that asshole down just makes it so clear how much he considers this group his family and how much they all look out for one another.

Sometimes Caleb forgets how young Beau really is.  

She holds herself like a woman wise in the world, her chin high and her shoulders square. She speaks like she’s seen it all, like nothing can surprise her at this point.

Sometimes Caleb forgets that it’s an act.

“How old are you?” he asked. “Really?”

“Rude.” Beau kicked him in the side but she was smirking in amusement. “Why do you ask?”

“You told Waccoh 24 and you told Halas 26.”

“Oh, that.” She shrugged and looked back at the book open in her lap. “I lied to Halas, I’m 24.”

“Why did you lie?”

“I lie about everything.”

“Yes, but-” he sighed and her smirk twisted up higher. She was messing with him.

“I don’t know,” she said, shrugging again. “Nott had insinuated to him that I was the leader, I thought he’d take me more seriously if I was older.”

Caleb blinked at her in confusion. “And you went with 26 instead of 24?”

“Yeah. Why, was that weird? Should I have gone older? 29?”

“Hold on.” He cleared his throat and turned entirely on the couch to look at her. “You think… that 26 sounds significantly more serious and worthy of leadership than 24?”

“I… Yeah. Why the fuck are you looking at me like I’m a sad cat in the rain, stop that.”

Mein gott, you are so young.”

She sneered and kicked him again, harder than before. “Fuck you. Read your fucking book, old man. Don’t fucking patronize me!”

Caleb bit his lip to keep from chuckling out loud and just turned back to his book. Beau muttered angrily to herself but went back to hers as well.

caleb’s first interaction with jester, beau and fjord is so fucking funny. this cute little blue tiefling just inserts herself into their conversation, calls caleb stinky, nott brags about how smart and talented her son is for a while and then fjord is like “yea so i was thinkin about going to this academy” and caleb, probably disassociating, just goes “good luck motherfucker” and taps out of the convo entirely. what happened there is pure gold and im just here to make sure no one forgot.

THE ARTICLE THOUGH

[ED. — DO NOT PUBLISH UNTIL AWFUL LADY IN THE GROUND]
LONDON—After 70[?] years as the ruling monarch of the United Kingdom and [CHECK HOW MANY COUNTRIES SHE’S IN CHARGE OF OR ELSE TWITTER PEDANTS WILL GET MAD] Queen Elizabeth died [PEACEFULLY OR PAINFULLY—COPY WHATEVER BBC OBIT SAYS] in [TK LOCATION] at the age of 89. A child [ONLY? CHECK IF BROTHERS AND SISTERS] of King George VI and [LOOK UP MOTHER’S NAME], she ascended to the throne in 19[TK DO NOT GET THIS WRONG OR PEOPLE WILL BE MAD] following the death of her father, and during her reign presided over such events as the Troubles in Ireland, decolonization in Africa [NOTE: CAN IT BE THAT RECENT? DOUBLE-CHECK], and Brexit. She married Philip Mountbatten in 1947, beginning a [TK ADJECTIVE] royal union that lasted [TK] years until [NOTE: DID HE DIE? CHECK. IF HE DID, WE FORGOT TO RUN AN OBIT], in which they had four children: Prince Charles, the heir apparent, as well as Princess [TK], Prince [TK], and Prince Andrew [NOTE: CHECK ANDREW’S LATEST ROYAL STATUS RE: PEDOPHILIA ALLEGATIONS]. In addition to her children, the queen is survived by [INSERT SOME BULLSHIT HERE ABOUT HER DO-NOTHING PROGENY]. As Britain’s first lady queen [PROBABLY LOOK THIS UP], she had a memorable reign, with other significant events of her life including [LIST WHATEVER WE HAVE TIME FOR, PUBLICATION URGENT BUT ONLY UPON SURE THING SHE FINALLY FUCKING DEAD]. In the nation’s capital, Parliament [CONGRESS?] held a period of mourning, while U.K. Prime Minister [INSERT WHICHEVER DUMBFUCK PRIME MINISTER NOW] reflected on her long life, saying [COPY QUOTES FROM BBC].

So, do you think the Queen is still alive? I heard she hasn't been seen in public since October.

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She was seen in public on November 18th, on Dec 16th, and she did the Christmas broadcast. Also, she stripped the Duke of York of his "military affiliations and royal patronages" (you think anyone else gets to do that?).

She's 95. When she dies, you'll know. Everyone will know. And Charles will be King, and the postage stamps and coins in the UK will be all wrong.

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If she was dead, she got better.

Now I believe she's dead, yes.