How many people’s most beloved childhood stuffed animals are actually teddy bears, like I feel like that’s a thing someone made up. Reblog this and put what your longest owned and/or favorite stuffed animal as a child was in the tags, inquiring minds want to know

I don’t give the shrimps junk food for 12 hours and they start high-risk feeding strategies already…

Very strong Miette energy

imagining “Jail for mother, Jail for a thousand years!” in like a dozen tiny high-pitched voices, as a fully harmonized chorus…

since when was "deleting what youre typing when you see the other person typing" a bottom thing i thought it was just a nice thing a polite thing

"bottom culture is being a shy liddle bean who keysmashes and uses the 🥺 emoji" "𝖙𝖔𝖕 𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝖎𝖘 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖙 𝖘𝖍𝖞 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖙 𝖌𝖎𝖗𝖑𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖍𝖚𝖗𝖙 𝖆𝖓𝖞𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖜𝖍𝖔 𝖙𝖔𝖚𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖘 𝖍𝖊𝖗" we'll i jsut think that bottom culture is when you are on the bottom and top culture is when you are on the top. that is all

I have no idea what’s going on

Congrats, we have reached a period of time where there is a generation that does not remember the first memes.

Look, i’ve been on tumblr for nine fucking years and I don’t get this meme. I remember seeing it at some point, but have no clue what it means.

because this meme is pre tumblr and pre-youtube and is about 17 years old, almost twice as long as you’ve been on tumblr the ancient depths of albinoblacksheep will never die

“having sex is not all there is to lgbtq+ people and our identities. we aren’t inherently any more sexual than cishets and asexuals also exist” and “having sex is one of the most demonised parts of our community and it should not be so much of a taboo” are two concepts that can and should co-exist

HAPPY SANS SWEEP QUEEN DEATH DAY

animation of charmander makin some pancakes

Everyone look at this

The ending is incredibly satisfying

I laughed like NEEEEHEHEHE

everything is never as it seems

OP, I admire your commitment.

i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”

When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.

Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’.

The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog.

The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler - or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.

But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader; because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:

Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!

Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!

Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!

Evil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I’s games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special ‘episode’ where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor’s diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that ‘Traytor’s grave would have a body’ (this seemed very important for some reason).

And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called ‘Tyrant King Cobra’.

::closes tab, shuts off computer, and proceeds to have the best day ever just by knowing this exists::

i will always reblog Evil Chancellor Traytor

tbh that’s some A-grade worldbuilding and use of tropes, these kids should be hired to direct movies instead of crusty idiots like Michael Bay 

This has more plot development than anything else I have ever seen or read

ok

What is this tab supposed to be and why does it like animatedtext

shit, timeline is messed up.

oh shit we’re destabilizing oh god oh fuck

is there an artist that you like the entirety of their discography

i love ppl tagging this with nirvana even tho i wont judge you that they only have like 4 releases 🙄 tagging w bands that have like 2 albums doesnt count!!!! weak

It’s thinking-about-Roach o’clock again🍊

(An OFMD parody repaint of The Milkmaid by Johannes Vermeer)