@aguidetodeception / aguidetodeception.tumblr.com
I want to come back to this blog, but I’m not sure of the focus
Let me know, and keep in mind that I am a professional counsellor for women and children from domestic violence backgrounds, and so I would be more than happy to talk about manipulative people, how they are, what they do, and how to protect yourself.
Let’s go another round together?
How to spot a manipulator:
How to spot a manipulator:
How to spot a manipulator:
How to spot a manipulator:
Congratulations, you've completed the challenge. You must have noticed a pattern to some of the answers. Remember, there is no right answer. All this does is give you perspective on how you relate to people. Here's how we code the different days:
Day 1:
A) The interrogation approach
B) The "saviour" approach, tinted undermining other's feelings
C) The "mirror and name" technique. Name the feeling, repeat the story, empathetic approach
D) The "judgemental" approach
E) The "amateur psychologist"
F) Neutral
G) Another "saviour," this time tinted with assumption of intention
Day 2:
A) Minimising feelings
B) The saviour
C) Interrogation
D) Empathetic approach
E) Amateur psychologist
F) Dramatised empathy, or "best friend" approach 1
G) Amateur psychologist
Day 3:
A) Amateur psychologist
B) Empathetic approach
C) Best friend approach 2, vigorous grounding
D) Minimising feelings.
E) Interrogation
F) "best friend" approach 1
Day 4:
A) Empathetic approach
B) Minimising feelings
C) Saviour
D) Interrogation
E) Best friend 1
F) Best friend 2
G) Judgemental
Day 5:
Typically, day 5 responses resemble patterns on the other days. You treat people the way you want to be treated. If this is not the case, perhaps reevaluate your stance.
The next post will be about how best to combine these approaches for different effects/different people.
UNTIL NOON ON WEDNESDAY, THE 4TH OF SEPTEMBER I WILL TAKE MESSAGES IN MY INBOX FOR PERSONALISED PATTERN ANALYSIS. I WILL EVEN CHECK THE CHART FOR SPECIFIC QUESTIONS SUCH AS HOW CAN YOU IMPROVE TRUST IN OTHERS, OR ESTABLISH AUTHORITY. ANONS WILL BE IGNORED.
Imagine you are at work. Your boss asks you to do an extra task for her. She wants it to be done by the end of the day. You have every intention of starting on it immediately, but a series of emergencies emerge, making you unable to. Your day is so packed, you barely have time to eat.
As you're about to leave, your boss stops you and asks you to hand over the project. You panic and attempt to explain to her that your day was exceptionally filled and you didn't have time.
She interrupts you, and shouts, "I'm not interested in your excuses! What am I paying you for, sitting down all day?" You open your mouth to talk, but she continues, "Keep it to yourself." She leaves the room, slamming her office door.
You pick up your things, and start walking home. On the way, you meet up with a friend. You're still a bit shocked, and decide to share what happened.
Read all of the following things your friend could say. After reading each one, think of how you would respond to him (ideally write it down) Say the first thing that comes to mind. There is no right answer, say what you feel. Go with your gut!
Finally, answer by replying/reblogging with which friend reaction you liked most/which one would make you feel better.
A) Don't get all worked up about this. It's ridiculous to feel like that. You're probably tired and making it seem worse than it is. Go on, smile, you look better when you smile.
B) Listen, life is like that. Things don't always go like we want them to. You have to accept life as it comes. In this world, nothing is perfect.
C) you know what I think you should do? Tomorrow, you go into her office and you tell her that you're sorry and you should have prioritised the project. Then just sit down at your desk, and finish it. Don't let the little things distract you. If you want my opinion and you want to keep your job, you better make sure this never happens again.
D) What were those emergencies you were so distracted by? Didn't you realise she'd get mad at you for not finishing?Has this happened before?
E) I understand your boss' reaction. She probably is under a lot of pressure. You're lucky she doesn't get mad more often.
F) Poor you! That's so awful! I feel so sorry for you, wow, I'm going to cry!
G) Have you ever thought that you feel so messed up because she's an authority figure? When you were younger you must have felt the same when disappointing your parents. It's like your childhood fears are just coming back to the surface.
H) Wow! That seems like such a hard situation, being yelled at like that after such a difficult day. Must have been really hard to take!
Man, 22, discouraged, says,
"Everything is just going wrong. Like, two and a half months ago I decide to get healthy and stop drinking. I stopped cold turkey thinking things would change, but I'm looking for a job and I can't find anything. I haven't even gotten an interview!"
A) It must be really disappointing to not get what you want after making such a huge step towards a better life.
B) It's only been two months! Maybe your expectations are a bit high. There's no reason to think everything is going wrong.
C) Ok so how about you go take a nice relaxing bath, and after that we can look at a list of everything you've tried. We can try a practice interview right after.
D) What have you tried so far? Do you have a clear action plan? Where would you like to work?
E) Everything really is going wrong for you isn't it? That sucks.
F) So you didn't find your victory just yet. So what? Everyone fails sometime, it's normal.
G) Do you really think it's that easy for a recovering alcoholic to find a job? You should be patient, people are reluctant to trust you.
Write down your answer or reblog this post for the possibility of a personalised response once we’re done.
Woman, friend of a friend, 24 (angry, tense) says,
"When I look at her! She's not as pretty as me. She's not as smart. She has no style. I wonder why so many people like her. People just don't see to what point she manipulates everyone. People just blindly admire everything she does. She pisses me off! She gets whatever she wants. She got Nathan. She literally stole him from me, and then turns around and denies it. When I confronted her and I told her what i was thinking, she said, 'I regret it.' I'll show her..."
A) Does she resemble someone else you know? Maybe she reminds you of someone who hurt you.
B) You must really dislike that girl. She got Nathan when you wanted to be with him. You must feel hurt.
C) You're taking a bit too much of an aggressive point of view. We all have prejudices against some others, but you just have to remember that this won't bring about anything positive.
D) It's a typical case of jealousy. It can happen to anyone.
E) What exactly did she do to steal Nathan away? Did you try to get him back?
F) Wow, holy shit, what a cow. Clearly you're better than her. Nathan is an idiot.
Write down your answer or reblog this post for the possibility of a personalised response once we’re done.
are we supposed to pick the best answer or the one we're most likely to have said, jim?
Pick what you would have said, Spock.
I assume there's no 'right' answer for these challenges? Just a different way to interpret each answer given?
Exactly. The test is designed to assess how you react to people by looking at your response style and consistency.
Depending on what your intentions are when responding, however, the result will vary. If, for instance, you wish to gain trust, there is a "right" answer. If you want to establish authority, there is a distinct pattern for it too.
This is actually a training tool I was given at work where I have to be consistent in my responses, and my goal is always to draw people in, gain trust, and create a sense of familiarity. For me, there is a correct path, and for you, well, pick your own adventure.
AOF
You work at a "talk to someone" hotline, a man, 30, calls you and says,
"I've been living in this city for ten years now. I've spent 7 years in the same apartment, but I still don't really know anyone. I feel like I'm just unable to make friends. Even at work I try to be nice to all the employees, but nothing really comes of it. Honestly, when I'm with people I feel awkward and not at ease. it's like being paralysed, I feel like I'm going crazy... Never mind, I guess I don't need anyone. Who needs friends, right?
A) You're too much of a pessimist. It won't last forever. You'll see, people will come to you eventually.
B) I know other people who are like that. All you have to do is join a social club, or a gym. It worked for everyone else!
C) How do you go about making friends? Do you speak to them? Do you smile when you talk to them?
D) I totally get that it's easier to convince yourself you don't need friends. It must be so difficult doing that for so long.
E) Do you feel like you want friends to protect yourself from something else?
F) You must feel so lonely not having any friends! You're all alone.
G) Did you have a lot of friends growing up? Have you noticed a pattern throughout your life? Did something happen to you for you to think that way?
Write down your answer or reblog this post for the possibility of a personalised response once we’re done.
Woman, aged 32 talks to you at work. She says,
"I don't know what to do. I just. I really don't know what to do. I don't know if I should leave my job as a receptionist... It just really gets to me...I can barely stand it anymore. I mean it's a stable job, and it's an okay salary... Or maybe I should drop everything and do what I love... maybe do something a little more varied. I don't know, it would mean starting at the bottom of the ladder all over again. I don't know if I can do it."
You respond,
A) Can you tell me more about your interests? What other job do you want? What is it that gets to you at your current job?
B) Come on, it isn't that desperate a situation. All you have to do is find something in else in the same place. I can get you set up for an interview with the boss if you want.
C) It's really a hard decision. You have to choose between starting a new job or keeping the security you already have. It must really weigh on you.
D) You're stressing way too much about this. It's not by letting this get to you that you're going to find a sensible solution. Everything will work out.
E) You seem to have a lot of difficulty making decision. Do you see this pattern anywhere else in your life? Do you want to talk about it?
F) If the universe sends you this hard decision, it's because there's a reason. We have to learn from our difficulties.
G) Be careful before jumping into things. You have to be certain that this is what you want. You don't want to have different problems later.
Write down your answer or reblog this post for the possibility of a personalised response once we're done.
To those interested in the deceptive arts,
over the next few days I will be posting a test. This test is often used to find out how you relate to people, and through that how effective you might be at gaining trust. I will post a series of short situations, and all you have to do is pick how you would respond to them. Sounds simple enough I hope.
It is preferable to keep a log of your answers so you may check your results on the last day.
All the best,
Mycroft H
I find that thinking about something really serious helps me surpress smiles and smirks. For example, I might think of something that makes me unhappy, or angry. This works especially well if it is something about the person I am thinking about, like if they'd wronged me in the past. I find it to be a useful trick, maybe it will help?
Thank you for your help,AOF
You may make things up, go slightly off topic, but don't stop. First to trip up loses/gets eliminated.
If first step proves difficult, sort priorities.
