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you don't say

@blizz4rd1203

blizz, it/them nonbinary aromantic grey ace.

every piglin in a fifty mile radius turning aggro when my dogshit thirty durability golden boots shatter because i jumped off a one block incline

My boyfriend keeps looking at me like 😐... 🥚 when I tell a story that happened pre-transition and it gets funnier every time, so I present to you, in no particular order,

egg shit that SOMEHOW did not tip me off:

  • Played in numerous d&d campaigns in college; didn't play a lady character even once.
  • Invented a male persona so I could sub in when my boyfriend's frat was a man short for Beer Olympics.
  • Maintained that male persona and later pledged the frat.
  • Was regularly the only girl invited to Boys' Night because "you're a guy like at least 40% of the time anyway".
  • Planned elaborate costumes every halloween; never once went as a lady or anything lady-adjacent.
  • Actually won 'Sexiest costume (male)' at a theatre event.
  • Regularly auditioned for male roles in theatre productions. Landed a small part in an all-female production of As You Like It as Silvius and was never more psyched to be in a play.
  • Watched Ouran High School Host Club straight through by myself; felt weird and immediately chopped off all my hair about it.
  • Messed around with my college boyfriend while in boymode, using masc pronouns and an assumed name.
  • 80% of my wardrobe in college was hand-me-downs from that same boyfriend.
  • Went as a wizard for halloween multiple times as a kid, with the beard and everything; never once considered being a witch.
  • Invented a male persona in middle/high school just for going to hockey games with my uncle.
  • Made out with more than one gay dude who said "I don't know what it is about you, I'm usually never attracted to women."
  • Ended up effectively living in my buddy Jake's dorm room every single year, no matter what my official living arrangements were.
  • Started wearing Old Spice in high school because a boy I liked wore it and I liked how he smelled. Pulled the same move in college with a particular brand of shampoo.
  • Wore the men's jeans+high-impact sports bra combo in an astounding number of photos.

And I didn't know! My oblivious ass sat there in my boyfriend's old pants with my titties tied down, calling myself Jack, playing a male illusionist for the 76th time in a d&d game with my frat brothers and making plans to go to Boys' Night afterwards for Streetfighter and beer, and I didn't figure it out.

*your boyfriend staring at you*

Okay the funniest thing about this is that everyone’s saying I’m taking away his space by putting things in the window

He has this entire one right next to it with a blankie and he uses it exclusively for people watching. He really only goes to the other window when he decides to be A Menace

Also his name is Banjo

He as a stroller

Omg there been updates!!

zendaya is meechee

sorry I just wanted to put these right with the video in a post because this is still the funniest thing I have ever seen

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ohermal

The zendaya is meechee video is singlehandedly oppressing the straights

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mountaindewdarkberrybash

the straights are getting a little too comfortable on tumblr again reblog zendaya is meechee

zendaya is meechee

sorry I just wanted to put these right with the video in a post because this is still the funniest thing I have ever seen

Avatar
ohermal

The zendaya is meechee video is singlehandedly oppressing the straights

Avatar
mountaindewdarkberrybash

the straights are getting a little too comfortable on tumblr again reblog zendaya is meechee

i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said "we're not catholic here". now every time i'm doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.

academic publishing explained

A) this is hilarious and kids are fucking incredible comedians with devastatingly frank takedowns of adult nonsense

B) for people in the tags, I am absolutely certain it’s not “I sell paper”!!! It’s “hice el paper” = “I made/did the paper”