.:[:DIPHYLLEIA:GRAYI:]:.

But y’all wanna give teachers guns???

😂😂😂😂 I’m screaming

What is on his head ??? 😭

Oh my god

Siouxsie and the Banshees

I got a new kitten

(submitted by @not-perfect-just-myself-)

Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)

Ugly, Bitter, and True by Suzanne Rivecca

John Mulaney on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2020)

Why Not Me? By Mindy Kaling

when and how did "zzz" become the onomontapeia associated with sleep when its so OBVIOUSLY supposed to be "SNORK mimimimi"

Louis Icart, Lilies, 1934

100% TRUE

Pro tip: If you copy and paste a link that said “no free articles” into a private/incognito browser, it will let you read the whole thing.

also if u press the “esc” (escape) key on ur laptop before the page fully loads, it won’t load any pop-ups blocking u from reading. if the article has images, then this method sometimes does not u see them. but! the words will be fine :)

If the site is particularly badly designed, you might just be able to delete the overlay itself. Right click > Inspect element and delete the line of HTML (it’ll be highlighted automatically)

hey kids there is a website called outline.com that will let you read from pretty much any news site with a paywall for free

If you wear socks in this room you will bust your ass harder than anyone has ever busted ass.

“I pet da kitty”

Best buds.

Kitten regrets touching cat’s tail. 

Elvira Mistress of the Dark on VHS

OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW TO THE KNEE WAS AN OLD NORDIC SLANG FOR GETTING MARRIED 

I THOUGHT THAT ALL THOSE GUYS IN SKYRIM HAD LITERALLY BEEN SHOT IN THEIR KNEES WITH ARROWS BUT I GUESS NOT

And at that moment, the foundation of that entire meme became something like this:

THAT EXPLAINS WHY MEN GO DOWN ON ONE KNEE WHEN THEY PROPOSE

OH MY GOD

I will never not laugh at this.

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated.  He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it.  327.  I’ll never forget that number.  And every day at school, he would talk about this.  It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary.  He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop.  He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly.  Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude.  Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?”  I’ll never forget that classmate.  His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school.  He was a one of a kind guy.  His name was Norman Reedus.

“i wish i could go on platonic dates with people”

It’s called a queerplatonic partner.

Oh you mean like having friends?

No that’s something different. I am firm on the idea of a platonic date. Friends is just people you don’t hate as much. Platonic peeps are actually people you care about.