entertainment

I didn’t know how to say “im a vegetarian” in Spanish so I very haltingly said “los animales … son mis amigos…” when my coworker asked why I wasn’t eating the tamales. Which makes me sound insane but also my coworker just nodded sagely and said “ahh. Entiendo.”

Not a dream

Idk who needs to hear this but

YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT

I pressed "post" before I finished writing it and promptly fell asleep but the original was supposed to say, "Idk who needs to hear this but don't throw your mother's ashes at celebrities performing on stage!"

changing elves from being assholes with a superiority complex and recharacterising them as just sort of weird guys that have an entirely different set of social behaviours to harken back to the days when people thought autistic people were a kind of fae for having odd behaviours. the entire reason why they dont particularly enjoy gatherings of men or dwarves or whatever is because they tend to be loud and the average elven social gathering is just a bunch of them sitting in a room in silence ignoring each other

like theyre still kind of mean but its more of them being blunt and lacking empathy rather than being condescending or purposefully malicious

my elven ass after spending 45 minutes in the pub with my dwarf friends:

I GROW WEARY OF MIMICKING YOUR OBNOXIOUS MANNERISMS TO ACCOMMODATE FOR THIS ENVIRONMENT. I WISH TO RETURN TO MY CHAMBERS TO REST AND SO I MAY PLAY SPLATOON 3 ON THE NINTENDO SWITCH. WE SHALL GATHER AGAIN NEXT HALF MOON AND I SHALL TELL YOU OF MY VICTORIES.

them:

okay man take care

you understand my vision

Job applications: I am very passionate (true!) about normal and useful things (lie.)

somebody PLEASE find the gif of the guy with the really stiff pants slamming a girl on a bed or whatever

Its the wrong trousers gromit!

certified iconic post

College should cost two dollars and then when you graduate everyone apologizes for wasting your time

The first rule of writing is hoard notebooks

The second rule of writing is we do not write in our notebook hoard

THEFT

How DARE you leave this in the notes

i need to get more masc so i can present feminine

So, this is page 18 of a recent printing of the Italian translation of Coraline (actually the second page of the actual book, after the Preface).

The underlined part says, literally, “both I and my sister Forcible were famous actresses, in our time.”

I read Coraline in English way back when and had always assumed they were a couple. I just came across this translation today at my parents’ and was taken aback, thinking I probably got it wrong at the time.

So I checked the English text and GUESS WHAT. I didn’t get it wrong. The original sentence reads, “both myself and Miss Forcible were famous actresses, in our time.” The translator decided Miss Spink and Miss Forcible must be sisters and, to this end, added a word that wasn’t there.

As a literary translator, queer person, and Neil Gaiman fan, I could write much (MUCH) more about this but honestly? I haven’t felt this furious in a long time, and I wouldn’t be too eloquent, I guess.

Honestly the best bit about this whole answer-storm is it's reminded me to talk to my agent about the Italian edition.

osha compliant blowjob

an important addition

creacher

the statue in the bottom right is Le génie du mal, carved by guillame geefs to replace a different lucifer (known as either Le génie du mal or L’ange du mal) carved by his younger brother. why did joseph geefs’ lucifer get removed from the cathedral? it was too sexy. the statue was too sexy by far.

st. paul’s cathedral in liége went from one lucifer, whom they called ‘too sublime’ and removed because he was distracting ‘pretty penitent girls,’ to another lucifer, who they’ve left there for 170 years even though he’s so hot that satanists visit the cathedral to meditate in the presence of this Most Sexy Of Lucifers

here’s how i imagine that went down.

liege cathedral: hmm. you know what we need? a nice satan for our church. let’s ask joey geefs

joseph geefs: sculpts this

liege cathedral: no!! too hot!! now we all want to fuck lucifer! we need a different satan. let’s ask… the sexy lucifer sculptor’s BROTHER. yes. willy geefs is older so he definitely doesn’t want to fuck lucifer

guillaume geefs, who DOES want to fuck lucifer, and the only sign of his being older than his brother is that the lucifer he wants to fuck is somewhat older: sculpts this

liege cathedral: shit. well we don’t have any more money for lucifers so i guess we’ll keep this sexy lucifer

mlm, straight girls, and satanists in the vicinity of liege: NICE

dni if you have no whimsy and no joy for the miracles found within the mundane

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This is just a reminder to everyone out there who gets annoyed by safety laws. They exist for a reason, and if you don't want to follow them at least make sure to have the decency to only hurt yourself.