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Came off the line with a crack in her chassis

@blanketburritoofshame / blanketburritoofshame.tumblr.com

Vaelentine on Ao3

Dean squirmed, settling into his new chair a bit more comfortably. It was a big hulk of an armchair Dean had found in the bowels of the bunker and had taken a liking to. Just the right amount of cushion, and the amber velvet felt nice when he rubbed his hands across the arm rests. Sam had bitched the whole way getting it back up to his room, but he was just jealous Dean had found it first. A big research chair was probably something the sasquatch would be pining for now. But reading was the last thing Dean was gonna do in this chair -no, this beauty deserved real entertainment.

Dean pushed himself up, contemplating the best angle to adjust the chair to in order to see the TV. His left thigh twinged just then, reminding him exactly how heavy and cumbersome the chair had been to move. Maybe Sam deserved a bit of slack for that. He slumped back onto the seat, head hitting the middle of the backrest, hands folded across his abdomen. He’d look for the remote later.

Just as Dean was contemplating having a nap right then and there, a knock sounded at the door. He slogged himself to his feet.

“Sam, look. I promise I’ll look for a chair for you too, but just let me bask in this for a while. I-” Dean opened the door to find Cas standing on the other side. “Cas! Come on in, man. You missed the big reveal!” Dean presents the chair, arms wide to encompass its girth. “Tada!”

With a grin, Dean sat back on the edge of the cushion, bouncing a bit to emphasize the plushness. Unfortunately, bouncing set his leg off again, and this time it seemed like it might just turn into a full on cramp.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean gritted his teeth and grabbed for his leg.

Cas’s stiff gait carried him swiftly through the room to Dean’s side. His eyebrows creased, looking Dean up and down before seeming to come to a decision.

“Sam mentioned the other day that you need to relax more. He seemed to think there was something I could do about that. Help you ‘blow off some steam’.” Cas loosened his tie and sank to his knees in front of the chair, hands quickly coming to rest on Dean’s knee caps. Cas sighed determinedly and flipped his tie over his left shoulder. Almost brisk in his movements, his hands slipped down to cup Dean’s calves, continuing onward to cradle an ankle before starting to pull it up toward his shoulder.

Dean’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, his voice coming out in a squeak, “What do you think you’re doing!?”

Cas paused and glared, tilting his head slightly “You know exactly what I’m doing, Dean,” a hint of challenge in his voice, “Are you going to let me?

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file

Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:

  • Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears
  • Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night
  • Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning  
  • Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels
  • Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash
  • Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4
  • Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack
  • Tricked me into loving him forever anyway

Ripped an escape hole

in the patio screen door

in a single night

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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oh my god he’s THIS Stinky Bastard Man!!!!

the stinky bastard man, the stinky bastard myth, the stinky bastard legend

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See the thing with explaining destiel to people is that it can’t be done properly if they haven’t seen it you cannot comprehend the intricacies of Dean and Cas’ relationship unless you have the context of 12 years and 11 seasons and deleted scenes and a multitude of script edits and corporate gaslighting and whatever the fuck Jensen and Misha were doing with their eyes and that’s why we look insane to most of this website

Orion said, You’d better treat me true You should hold me like a bird inside your palm ‘Cause I can’t be just another heart you’ve broken ‘Cause I’m getting much too old

Sea Wolf, Orion & Dog

BREAKING NEWS: Rolling Stone drops bombshell on Trump, reveals that he has been demanding that his “close advisors” find out the “names of senior FBI agents and Justice Department personnel who have worked on the federal probes into him” so that he can retaliate against them by “immediately purging the FBI and Justice Department’s ranks” of each and every single investigator who has investigated his deadly insurrection, Big Lie, and theft of highly classified documents.

But it gets worse.

Rolling Stone continues, “Separately, the twice-impeached former president has been saying for many months that on “day one” of his potential second term, he wants FBI director Christopher Wray “out” of the bureau” because he has refused to “purge the FBI of non-Trump loyalists.” Rolling Stone continues, reporting that, “During some of the conversations this year, including at Trump’s Florida club Mar-a-Lago, some of Trump’s close political allies told him that they are working on figuring out the identities of the FBI and DOJ staff and forming lists.”

This should strike fear in the heart of every single American, who gives a damn about our struggling democracy.

Jesusfuckingchrist