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ill kiss u so hard man dont fuck w me

I met a couple Australians this weekend and they introduced me to what is possibly the greatest phrase in the English language. Apparently, a common response to a wide variety of questions is “I’m not here to fuck spiders”. It means “I’m already doing that” or “Obviously, yeah”. So like, example usage:

At the bar with a friend. Friend: do you want to get a beer? Me: well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.

ive literally never heard someone say that what fuckin australians did you meet

I really thought quick sand was going to be a bigger issue in life when I was little.

Portrait I drew of the lovely Maggie Smith.

I am getting this framed and hung over my fireplace goddamn.

Same.

Slow clap.

I’m pretty sure this is the portrait of McGonnagal that hangs across from the portrait of Snape in the headmaster’s office.

Charles Bukowski

(via feellng)

Chillin

Me: *messages a friend at 3am*

Friend: *responds soon after*

Me: What the fuck are you doing up go to sleep

Mean Girls 2004, Deleted Scene.

WHAT THE FUCK IS AN EMU

it’s kind of like a scene or gothic person

the amount of hair i lose in the shower really concerns me