currently obsessed with a twitter account that has a bot set up to record their cat leaving and returning to their house
the best part is that the replies are a wave of sadness and depression whenever the cat leaves and then rejoicing when it comes back like the cat is some kind of messiah
frankly im on board with out new lord and savior Pepito. let the people rejoice in his presence as he is the messiah
fights I would pay to see: sigmund “everyone is attracted to someone” freud vs John “sexual desire is evil and cereal can and will fix it” Kellogg
Asked my mom who both has a MA in psychology and currently works for Kellogg’s to weigh in for the hell of it
enemies to lovers 500K slowburn
i love that motorcycles exist. like i'm genuinely so glad that someone was like "what if bikes were as fast as cars and could turn you into roadkill if you hit a pothole"
what if there was a vehicle so dangerous you had to wear armor to drive it
Jason doesn’t want to bring Lancer anywhere near his nightlife and Lancer is perfectly fine with that. Lancer manages to convince Jason into some martial arts and combat training to defend his students if need be. It’s pretty concerning how often he has to use said training.
“Babe, can you run that by me again?”
“I used what you taught me in class today-“
“YOU JUDO FLIPPED A GOVERNMENT AGENT!”
Okay but now I can’t stop thinking about WHY Lancer judo flipped a GIW agent
The GIW agent was trying to detain a number of his students for “high levels of ecto contamination.” The fact it seemed to be his entire homeroom class seemed odd, but Lancer had read the anti ecto acts. He knew what they said, and he knew what would happen if his students went with the agent
No one would see them again. Not him, not their parents, no one.
So he acted
Lancer: I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be here. I’m a wanted man, and I don’t know if I can protect you
Jason, tank of a man, avid gun enthusiast, trained by assasins and Batman: ... I think I’m probably fine
Desperately want a fic where Lancer shows up at his boyfriend’s place with twenty teenagers
Jason: …babe what am I looking at
Lancer: absolutely nothing you never saw us I just need someplace to stash the wiggly ones while I go get supplies. Please forget me, it’s for the best.
Jason: ….’kay, I’m gonna need some answers later, but… “wiggly one’s”…?
Lancer: *hoists Danny up by the scruff of the neck*
Danny: *hisses*
Lancer: wiggly ones.
Jason: ……….kkkkaayyyyy babe changed my mind I’m gonna need that explanation now
Lancer: no, we don’t have time—
Jason: yeah uh-huh no that wasn’t a request
Paulina, in the back: ARE YOU TWO GONNA KISS?? GROSS
Lancer: MISS SANCHEZ FOR THE LOVE OF JANE AUSTIN—
the fact that Lancer keeps trying so avidly to protect Jason is sending me like this man will bring you the heads of the GIW in sacks for Valentines and you will be scared of getting him into trouble for getting a speeding ticket
And then there is Jason who is just, even more smitten. His man just bodied a government worker, committed grand theft auto, kidnapped his own class and is on the run from the law. And he is as much of a book enthusiast. Jason is just, so in love right now.
And for Danny he could be
1: Suspiciously eyeing Jason. Why is this ghost/halfa/liminal dating his teacher? Is it a plot to get to him? Spectra tried being an employee, maybe the new plan to get close and hurt people is to date an employee. Well not on his watch! This 'Jason' guy is going to be so closely watched, Danny will learn his every secret. Every. Single. One. No one hurts his class + teacher!
2: Mr. Lancer is dating a ghost/liminal/halfa? Mr. Lancer protects them all from the anti-ecto acts? Does that mean Mr. Lancer and Jason could accept him? Jason just pulled a gun on a GIW agent. Yeah, could you sign right here? No, this isn't an adoption form, what are you talking about.
Either Jason coaxes Danny in like a feral cat, or Danny 'Batman Adoption Bait' Fenton is doing his level best to get adopted, despite Jason's confusion (and deep desire to never let his siblings know).
Danny sidling up to them like a feral alley cat. And then stopping the truth in them. Waits for bad reaction. And the bad reaction is Mr Jason swearing to get revenge. Oh, wait. Why is Mr Lancer hugging him? Mr Jason, why is he crying! help! Mayday!
Jason agonising about when his past as Red Hood is gonna catch up with him and ruin his perfect domestic bliss with his perfect domestic boyfriend
But Lancer deserves to know, it’s dangerous to date a former crime lord and also vigilante
People could try to hurt him to get to Jason
Then one day Lancer comes home from work with HIS ENTIRE CLASS OF STUDENTS and tells Jason he loves him but they’re going on the run from the government and it wouldn’t be safe for JASON to be seen with HIM
Jason’s actual first words (once he finds his tongue) are just “I love you”
Lancer assumes it’s gonna be a passionate plea to stay, to let Jason ruin his life along with theirs, he planned a whole soliloquy on the way here
(The kids helped, especially Paulina, he’s never known her to be so interested in english class)
Jason’s second words cut him off though as he just blurts out “I’m the Red Hood”
Lancer is speechless
Paulina and Star come in on the perfect tella novella GASP
The jocks all oooooo in unison because of course they’re all watching
Jason goes and pulls out his old helmet and reveals all his crime equipment on a secret revolving bookshelf or some shit he’s a nerd
Jason gestures vaguely and just. Asks what they need
Lancer grabs him by the collar, dips him, and kisses him like the climax of a disney movie
All the class cheer and Jason accepts his destiny of going back on the run and simultaneously doubling Bruce’s previous adoption record, and they’re ALL fucking drama kids
they're all giving suggestions while lancer paces in anguish in the bus walkway. suddenly their bus narrowly avoids hitting a building, three cars and a babystroller again for the 13th time in the past hour. lancer looks up to realize, vaguely horrified, that they have been letting Danny "genetic can't drive" Fenton sit behind the drivers wheel since they left amity
Okay throwing my two cents into this amazing idea after reading some of the new replies.
So after escaping and the whole identity reveal, and also wrangling Danny away from driving the bus because he thinks it's rge same as driving the Gav, I would feel that due to the time crunch they have to head stright to Wayne Manor since that's the only place that can house so many people on sort notice.
Jason barely has enough time to get all the into from the technology geeks in the group and send it to Babs that he pretty much calls Alfred at the last minute, like just goes;
Jason: "hey Alfred, ha to drop in unexpectedly but my boyfriend is on the run with his kids due to the government being scummy, we're going to crash at the manor okay? I'll handle everything, ive sent all information to Babs."
Then just hangs up and doesn't explain any further because of the whole 'minimum communication' trope, mostly due to panic.
So when they pull up Alfred is thinking maybe at most 3 or 4 kids might be coming through the door, like a good handful. Tim and Damian where waiting in the kitchen when Jason came in and gave the all clear.
Let's just say they where not expecting a whole class of 20 super powered kids that fear nothing to show up and start settling themselves in very quickly. Like already climbing every where and seeing who can hack the security systems the fastest.
For hells sake the one that looks almost like a mini Jason challenges Damian to a sword fight!
It's going to be a long night for sure.
(Also when I read it was Danny driving the bus my mind went to the movie; St Trinian, mostly because of the scene of two young girls driving the bus)
hope is a skill
hope is a weapon you are trained to wield
favourite additions
and the second person is a bot. Hot damn, frank.
she real as fuck for going with busta
boss battle music
my little cousin confidently declared that mother nature had a counterpart named daddy electric and i feel like this concept needs to be explored
Daddy Electric and Mother Nature sounds like a cute 70s act
Daddy Electric is Bill Nye's cousin
I want this to be real I want it to be real so badly
Well If you just donate to my kickstarstfhsujfmsnckd hblb fnvlcb m
Poor dear... Walked right into an electric daddy
Art by u/reachling
Get his ass
If someone cut down whole fucking trees on a property I owned without my permission this would instead be a post about the graphic details of my murder trial (worth it)
I have exactly one thing to say about shoplifting from large chains and it's this: if you're gonna do it then please take the whole product
Just take the whole pack, please.
This is the worst thing I've seen in my entire life
oh damn, okay, so literally last night i was talking with friends about how unrealistic the golden horse in tears of the kingdom is and how it feels like they were just trying to one-up the white horse in breath of the wild, and then i run across this post, do a tiny bit of looking, and—no really gold horses are actually literally a real-world thing!
I remember reading about this breed in horse books. They're indeed very very old (over 3000 years old) and come from the deserts in turkmenistan. The way their hair is built helps them with the extreme temperature changes in the desert.
They're tough, with high endurance and intelligence, friendly and sensitive.
Unironically the biggest death knell I heard for twitter was the fact that, as far as anyone is aware, there are no longer any furries working at twitter.
The rats have fled the sinking ship
The wolves have fled the sinking ship
The dragons have fled the-
I'm not even joking furries account for like 30% of all modern tech infrastructure.
trying to fact check a very important post about what happens if you drink salt water (seawater) to see if my preconceived notions were simply myth or some shit and the first internet search results are this
this is a great lesson in why sources are important
I think we should start putting Wellness Industry people into the ocean
Basically: WHY IS ALL THE PUBLIC OUTREACH ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE ALL "YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP ANOTHER PLEASURE OF YOUR LIFE TO FIX CLIMATE CHANGE" and not "SEE LOOK HOW WE'RE RULED BY A GROTESQUELY ILLOGICAL DEATH CULT"
You are completely correct, but also holy SHIT what a raw line.
you WISH you were eating sweet mulberries from a stranger’s overgrown tree at twilight in a silent neighborhood
why is this getting notes. i was just bragging about my evening it was meant to be like a 2-3 note post with nothing but likes from mutuals
Politely, you did post something quiet and sweet on the yearning website
ok that one’s on me
Dick, giving out the news paper: okay, Sundays funnies for Steph.
Stephanie: yes! Garfield, the cat keeping me sane in there trying times what Cha got for me.
Dick: crossword for Dami.
Damian: thank you Richard, I shall make you proud of my intelligent.
Dick: I'm already proud of you, Jason, horoscope.
Jason: let's see what's for today's leo.
Dick: sports for Tim and Duke.
Tim: oh I can't look, tell me did our team won?
Duke: we won!
Tim: oh good, Bruce can live after making us miss it.
Dick: entertainment for Cass.
Cass: thank you, I've been waiting for this part.
Dick: rest for Bruce to glare at.
Bruce: I don't like this nepotism attitude they have for me.
Dick: you're from a rich family, now shush I'm looking for through the obituaries. Come on, Dean Allen where are you...
Jason: what did he do?
Dick: can't remember, I just know I want him dead.
Jason: very Sagittarius (or pisces) of you.
Please fucking lie to your employer. Like they don’t need to know your mental health issues or what drugs you do. Ffs
its not lying if its to employers or cops
and look up ur rights on what they can and cannot ask u many places ban asking about ur record and transportation status and things like that resources will also tell u how they reword sketchy questions so ur prepared
here's a quick guide for Americans with very common interview questions I've been asked:
I recently filled out an application that asked me what kinds of medication I was on. Naturally, I said I wasn’t on any because. That’s so illegal.
Lie on your job applications.
To break away from my normal postings.
You can also report businesses breaking the law like this.
Sometimes they just get fined, other times you can receive money for reporting it. So please do not hesitate to report a business for doing something illegal.
listen to me. listen. your actual job in life, and it sucks that your 5th grader teacher didnt explain this adequately enough, is to ask for help when you need it and to accept charity when it would take a weight from your shoulders. Otherwise you end up like Sisyphus- or even worse, Walter White
eating buttered bread with honey and some cheese like a medieval peasant . this shit is sublime
where did society go wrong . why cant i just eat slices of meat with bread and cheese and butter and honey and fruits . why do i have to nuke something in the microwave
fucking post cancelled i just remembered chuck cutlery boards exist
dear god we boogified scharcookie boards
bougeie-fied
nobody fucking look at me
