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Black Child Ascending

@blackchildascending

I'm cravin' some technicolor. 21, Los Angeles, Black Artist.
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Sensory self-injury alternatives

Any distraction from the desire to hurt yourself is ideal. 

But as a mentally ill psych major with a history of self-injury, I know it’s not that simple. Sometimes you know you won’t make it through the night without feeling some pain, doing some damage, or seeing blood/wounds. Well you can still get those without relapsing on your progress– here are 50+ sensory alternatives to self-injury that could bring you the catharsis you need!

I list them alongside which senses they stimulate: visual, tactile, kinesthetic. To find the right stim quickly, hit CTRL + F to search and then type in the sense you’re looking to stimulate. 

CW: long post, talk about self-harm/wanting to, talk about blood, talk about blood imagery, links to blood imagery (none shown in the post)

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🕊16 days of Shadow Work

✨ Here are the prompts as I promised! They are timeless, whenever they find you, feel free to use them.

Feel free to share your thoughts with me!!

✧ Day 1 What do I need to stop running away from? Why am I always running away from this and what is going to happen if I face it head-on?

✧ Day 2 What is my definition of failure? What’s something that I have previously failed at and how did it make me feel? How can I deal with failure in a healthy way?

✧ Day 3 How do I lie to myself everyday? Why am I doing this and what am I trying to avoid?

✧ Day 4 If I could say one thing to the person who hurt me the most, what would it be and why? How would I feel afterwards? 

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Grounding Techniques

Mental Distraction Techniques

  • Pick a category of objects and try to think of as many objects as possible that fit within that category (e.g., types of dogs, cities, types of trees, crayon colors, sports)
  • Pick a letter and think of emotionally positive or neutral words that begin with that letter
  • Pick a color and look for things of that color. Notice differences in their exact shades
  • Say or think the alphabet backwards or alternate letters and numbers (A1, B2, C3, D4, etc)
  • Count backwards from 100 by 3s, 6s, or 7s or count up by prime numbers or perfect squares
  • Play “fizz-buzz” with yourself. Begin counting to 100 (or over!), but replace any number that contains the number 5 or is a multiple of 5 with the word “fizz” and any number that contains the number 7 or is a multiple of 7 with the word “buzz.” For example, 1-15 would be “1, 2, 3, 4, fizz, 6, buzz, 8, 9, fizz, 11, 12, 13, buzz, fizz.” When you mess up, compliment yourself and start over
  • Think of the words to your favorite song or poem or think of facts related to a specific theme
  • Pick a word or your name and see how many other words you can make from the letters in it
  • Describe an every day event or process in great detail, listing all of the steps in order and as thoroughly as possible (e.g., how to cook a meal, how to get from your house to your place of work or school, how to do your favorite dance)
  • Read something technical or meant for children or read words backwards to focus on the process of reading and not the words
  • Watch a children’s television show or movie or watch cute or funny videos on Youtube; it might help to have a playlist already prepared for this
  • Look at a current news article that is not likely to be upsetting or distressing
  • Distract yourself with Tetris, Solitaire, Sudoku, word searches, or other puzzle games

Reorientation Techniques

  • Say or think to yourself: “My name is _________. I am safe right now. I am _____ years old. I am currently at _____________. The date is _____________. If I need help, I am with ________/can call _________. Everything is going to be alright.”
  • List reaffirming statements (“I am fine. Everything is going to be okay. I am strong. I can handle this.”)
  • Ask yourself where you are, what day of the week it is, what day of the month it is, what month it is, what year it is, what season it is, how old you are, and other present-focused questions
  • Notice things in your surroundings that indicate to you that you’re safe or that you’re in the present (e.g., locks on your door, electronics that didn’t exist when you were younger, the presence of trusted people, a phone so that you can call for help if you need it)
  • Describe your surroundings in detail, including sights (objects, textures, shapes, colors), sounds, smells, and temperature
  • Name five things that you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, and two that you smell or taste, and then name one good thing that you like about yourself
  • Pick four or five brightly colored objects that are easily visible and move your focus between them. Be sure to vary the order of your gaze and concentrate briefly on each one before moving to the next
  • Think about a fun time that you recently had with a friend or call that friend and ask them to talk about it with you

Sensory-Based Grounding Techniques

  • Run cool or warm (but not too cold or hot) water over your hands or take a cool or warm bath or shower
  • Spritz your face (with eyes closed), neck, arms, and hands with a fine water mist
  • Spray yourself with your favorite perfume and focus on the scent
  • Feel the weight of your body in your chair or on the floor and the weight of your clothing on your skin
  • Touch and hold objects around you. Compare the feel, weight, temperature, textures, colors, and materials
  • Keep a small object with you to touch or play with when you get triggered. Good examples include a smooth stone, a fidget toy, jewelry, or a tiny plushy
  • Bite into a lemon, orange, or lime, suck on a sour or minty candy or an ice cube, chew cinnamon-flavored gum, or put a few drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue. Notice the flavor, scent, and texture
  • Eat something or drink warm tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, and describe to yourself the taste and texture in great detail
  • Place a cool wash cloth on your face or hold something cold like a can of soda
  • Listen to soothing or familiar music. If possible, dance to it
  • Hum, sing, recite poetry, or make up a silly poem or story as you go
  • Pick up a book and read the first paragraph out loud
  • Hug another person (if interpersonal touch isn’t a trigger). Pay attention to your own pressure and the physical sensations of doing so
  • Hug a tree! Register the smells of being outside, the wind, and the sights around you

Movement-Based Grounding Techniques

  • Breathe deeply and slowly and count your breaths
  • Grab tightly onto your chair or press your feet against the ground as firmly as you can
  • Rub your palms and clap your hands or wiggle your toes within your socks. Pay attention to the physical sensation of doing so
  • Stretch out your arms or legs, roll your head on your neck, or clench and unclench your fists
  • Stomp your feet, walk around, run, jump, ride a bike, do jumping jacks, or do yoga
  • While walking, notice each footstep and say to yourself “right” and “left” to correspond with the foot currently moving
  • Squeeze a pillow, stuffed animal, or ball
  • If you have a soft pet (dog or cat), brush its fur and stroke it. If you don’t, brush your own hair slowly and without pulling too much
  • Color in an adult coloring book, finger paint, or draw anything that comes to mind without worrying about quality
  • Write whatever comes to mind even if it’s nonsense. Try not to write about whatever is upsetting you until you’re more capable of doing so without increasing the upset
  • Write a list of things that make you happy or look for cheerful pictures to make into a collage
  • Pop bubble wrap or blow and pop actual bubbles
  • Dig in the dirt or garden, jump on a pile of leaves, or splash around in puddles or mud
  • Rip up paper or stomp on aluminum cans to crush them

Imagery Techniques

  • Picture yourself breathing in relaxation, calm, positive feelings, or strength. Picture yourself breathing out whatever is upsetting you. It may help to pair this with imagery of breathing in soothing colors (usually blue, purple, or green) and out more intense colors (usually red or black)
  • If you need to relax, envision a soothing white or golden light slowly moving up your body, warming and relaxing every part of you that it touches. You can also think of it as protecting you from negativity or from harm
  • If the problem is intense or uncomfortable emotions, physical sensations, or memories, picture them being surrounded and neutralized by a bright and healing light, temporarily placed in a mental box to be stored for later, or dialed back by an internal controller of intensity
  • If you have a clear mental picture of what’s upsetting you, mentally change it to something silly or harmless. If you’re a fan of Harry Potter, cast a mental “riddikulus” to banish the negativity
  • Picture yourself calm, focused, and able to tackle whatever problems you’re facing. Focus on how that would feel in the moment. What would your expression and posture be like? Make whatever changes you need to in order to make your reality reflect your goal

How to Make a Grounding Box

  • Get a box or basket
  • Personalize and decorate it with construction paper, wrapping paper, ribbon, stickers, drawings, paint, photographs, glitter, sequins, or anything else that you like
  • Keep within it:
  • A list of grounding techniques that you know work for you
  • A list of positive affirmations and happy memories
  • A list of the contact information of trusted friends or family who are willing to help and support you
  • Small sensory objects such as: scented candles, perfumes, or lotions; hard candies or gum; soft fabrics, a stress ball, a stuffed animal, or a fidget toy; happy pictures of you with friends; a CD with relaxing music or meditation tracks. Try to cover all of the senses
  • A list of possible distractions such as books to read or movies to watch
  • Small portable distractions such as a pack of playing cards, a small game, or a joke book
  • A list of comforting things to do such as taking a bubble bath, snuggling up in bed, or meditating
  • A small journal or notebook

In the Case of a Flashback

  • Tell yourself that you are having a flashback and are safe now
  • Remind yourself that the worst is over, and you survived it. What you’re feeling now is just a reminder of that trauma and does not fit the present moment
  • Remind yourself of when and where you are, who you’re currently with, and who you can contact if you need help (use the reorientation-focused grounding techniques)
  • Breathe deeply and slowly. Count your breathes and make sure that you’re getting enough air
  • Use other mental, sensory, movement, and imagery techniques in order to distract yourself, calm yourself, and reorient yourself within the present
  • If possible or necessary, go somewhere where you can be alone or with a close friend, where you will feel safe, or where you feel protected or shielded
  • If there is anyone who you can trust or who will support you, reach out to them, let them know what happened, and let them know what you need, what would be best for you, or what they could do to help
  • Be gentle with yourself and take the time to really recover. If what helps you to recover is to color, take a bubble bath, hug a stuffed animal, or watch a children’s movie and if it would not be disruptive to do such things at that point in time, embrace those options whole-heartedly
  • If possible, note or write down what triggered the flashback, what techniques you tried to use to disrupt the flashback, and what techniques helped
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Anonymous asked:

hi, do you have a post about binding safely? I want to show my mom so she can see that it's not unsafe if you do it right. thanks!

I did try my best to make a comprehensive but not too long Binding 101 post here - and one that can hopefully be read and understood by people who don’t bind & have no desire to bind themselves, at that!

Of course this post won’t include everything, but it should hopefully cover most of the basics. It may not be exactly what you were looking for though, because even when done safely, binding is not ever completely danger-free.

Why do people bind their chest?

There’s more than one reason to bind, of course, but the most common one among trans people is physical gender dysphoria.

The feeling of disconnect or dislike towards a part of your body can be hard to explain in word sometimes, especially since many people experience it in very different ways. But it is a feeling that is draining, that is painful, and that can do tremendous harm to a person’s mental well-being.

So, binding one’s chest in order to hide these parts of our bodies, both from ourselves and from others, can be a hugely relieving and freeing thing. And something that makes life so much more bearable and enjoyable.

How do people bind their chest?

There are many different ways to bind your chest, some more dangerous than others.

Ace bandages (and any other brand of similar bandages) and tape are a no-go if you want to keep yourself safe while binding. They are capable of messing you up pretty seriously even if you only bind with them for a very short time.

Some safer DIY options could be [sewing your own binder from scratch], [making one out of a camisole], [making one out of a pair of tights] or making one of out shapewear underwear [link 1] + [link 2].

However, the best option is to get a binder that is professionally made. [gc2b] is a company that makes binders specifically for trans people and it is where I have got my binders from, but [Underworks] is another popular place that a lot of people buy from. And of course there are many more aside from those two.

Wearing one (1) high compression sports bra in your right size can also be one way to bind you chest. Although keep in mind that they are not designed to be work for longer periods of time and that the lower band of it will put a lot of focused preassure on your ribs (while a binder will distibute it more evenly). Wearing multiple sports bras on top of each other, or wearing ones that are too small for you, is not safe.

When should you not bind your chest?

There are numerous medical conditions that could make binding very unsafe, so if you worry binding may trouble you for those reasons, it could be a good idea to talk to your doctor about it.

I personally have asthma and that makes binding a bit more dangerous for me than for non-asthmatic people, as my breathing is already a bit worse than it should be. So further restricting it by binding is something I would like to avoid doing, which is part of the reason I am working towards getting top surgery to have my breasts removed. Still, the possible dangers of binding are still worth it for me when I weigh them against the certain mental suffering that comes from not binding.

Even for people without medical issues though, there are times when you should not be wearing your binder:

  • When you sleep.
  • When you exercise*.
  • When you have already worn it for 8 hours**.
  • If you’re new to binding: when you are alone***.

*Some companies like Underworks sell [binders specifically made for swimming] and [gc2b have said that their binders are ok to swim in too]. You should still be very careful when swimming in a binder though, as it does restrict your breathing and movment a bit. And be sure to wash the binder you swim in regularly, as having chlorine left in it can irritate your skin.

**The given maximum of binding hours per day in one go is 8. But everybody’s body is different, so not everyone can safely bind for that long. Personally I can usually only manage 6 hours before my ribs start to hurt pretty bad. And it’s best to not start with trying to go for the 8 hours limit right away when you get your first binder; it’s better to start binding for a smaller amount of time in the beginning and the gradually increase it over time, to allow your body time to adapt to it.

***Binders can be difficult to get out of on your own sometimes, especially in the beginning when you haven’t yet figured out the best way to do it. So in the beginning, it is best to only bind when you have other people around that can help you out of your binder in case you would need help getting it off.

How do you take care of your binder?

Binders will get worn out over time, just like any other piece of clothing. However, it may be more noticable in binders than in regular clothes, as their compression ability will visibly get worse and worse the more worn out it gets. Getting a new binder about once a year is usually recommended, but it really depends on how much you wear it.

You should wash your binder regularly. Doing this might actually help it last longer, depending on the style of it.

Some have tags that say they are machine-wash safe, in which case you could absolutely wash them that way. But personally I always handwash mine, just to make sure they’re not unnecessarilydamaged.

I use a small amount of mild detergent and cold water. Spend a lot of time rinsing it out afterwards with just water, to make sure there is no, or at least no big amount of, detergent left in it. Then I carefully scrunch it up into a ball to get as much water out as possible (don’t twist, because you don’t want to stretch the fabric) and then hang it on a hanger over the bathtub to let it drip and dry completely overnight.

For the style of binder I have (the gc2b ones), washing it regularly in cold water helps the fabric retain some of its elasticity. Which is something that can help it bind better for longer.

It may be ideal to wash it after everytime you’ve worn it and sweated in it, to prevent it from irritating your skin, but washing it just once a week is enough if you can’t do it more often than that.

What are the dangers of binding your chest?

Binding will inevetably wear out the elasticity of your skin and the breast tissue in your chest area after a while. How long it takes varies from person to person, as everybody’s body is different. But you will likely notice some difference within the first year if you bind a lot. This has little to no known actual dangerous side-effects in itself, but it will make your chest sag more and may affect how the result of top surgery looks if you plan on getting that in the future, as well as affect what types of surgeries you can get.

Even safe binding will likely give you some aches in your ribs, back and shoulders. But it is still best to take your binder off and give your body a break once you start feeling pain.

Excessive and unsafe binding comes with a lot of dangers:

  • Difficulty breathing, which can lead to fainting and, if binder is not removed, suffocating.
  • Extremely irritated skin.
  • Damaged (bruised, sprained, brokwn) ribs.
  • Damaged ribcage.
  • Damaged lungs (if punctured by a broken rib).
  • Damaged spine.

These things can usually be avoided as long as you bind safely, however.

How do you know if the pain/side-effects you get from binding is normal or not? When should you be worried?

Listen to your body and learn to interpret its signals. Everyone has different pain thresholds and everybody’s body has different limits, after all. So you will need to learn your own.

But some general signs and side-effects, normal and not, are as follows:

Normal:

  • Sore arms, shoulders, neck and/or back. This soreness may linger for a a couple of hours after you take the binder off, or not show up until the day after. It should go away completely after 2 days without binding.
  • Getting a bit out of breathe after having climbed a set of stairs or similar. Although you should still be able to catch your breathe again without too much difficulty.
  • Some chafting under your arms.
  • Increased chest and back acne.
  • Slight anxiety caused by feeling restricted.

Not normal, take the binder off as soon as you can and see a doctor if the symptoms don’t go away within a couple of days:

  • Difficulty breathing, especially if even after you’ve taken the binder off.
  • Not able to take deep breathes, cough or sneeze.
  • Sharp pain in chest or ribs.
  • Lightheadedness, feeling like you’re about to faint.
  • Losing vision, having your ears ringing or getting a tingling sensation in your fingers, even if just for a moment. (Often signs that you are about to faint.)
  • Feeling too sore/too restricted/too tired to do everyday activities that you could do without problems before you started binding.
  • Numbness in arms.
  • Bruising.
  • Skin rashes.
  • Nausea during or after binding.

Not normal, go see a doctor as soon as you can, could be signs of a serious injury:

  • Any of the symptoms from the list above, if you are feeling very worried about them. Better safe than sorry.
  • Not able to breathe at all.
  • Blueness in your libs or fingertips.
  • Fainting.
  • Sudden intense bursts of claustrophobia and/or panick attacks, especially if you do no get those when not binding.
  • Noticable change in ribcage shape.

Wow, that’s a lot of dangers. Is it really worth it?

For many people, including me: yes.

Like I said in the beginning, there are many reasons for why people bind. But mine is dysphoria, so that is the only thing I can talk about here.

Dysphoria is not a joking matter. It is often a very intense and painful kind of suffering. And taking these risks is often still better than having to deal with the dysphoria that we have when we are not binding.

This may be difficult to understand if you are not dysphoric yourself. But please try to understand that people would not knowingly be taking these risks if we didn’t feel like we needed to.

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Addition: It is also best to not bind while you are sick, especially not if it is something that affects your breathing (including colds).

Also when you binding make sure your nipples are still facing level to the floor not down. It’s less dangerous

Really? I haven’t heard that before, so that’s good to know!

Can you explain why?

Reposting for MYSELF. Thank you!

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It’s my first year of university. I’m sitting in my first lecture for the semester, watching my professor sell a career in Journalism with a slideshow. Suddenly, piles of dead Jews flash onto the screen. I see my own eyes reflected in theirs. My family’s faces replace their indistinguishable ones, which have molded into one unanimous cry of pain. I suddenly find myself in my grandma’s living room, sitting on her cream carpet, which is discolored and damp from decades of tears. She was crying again. She was crying for her family. She was crying for the six million dead. My cheeks are stained with her tears — they’re the only thing I have left of her.

We need trigger warnings for the Holocaust.

I’d understand a lack of trigger warning if my professor had never used them before — and if my course specifically dealt with the Holocaust. However, I major in journalism, and in the same lecture, my professor had used trigger warnings for war and suicide. It seemed that my professor, like many in the non-Jewish world, was apathetic to the suffering of Jews. She didn’t understand why I would need a trigger warning for a genocide that I didn’t experience and that happened over seventy years ago. She was unaware of the effects of intergenerational trauma. She was unaware that the Holocaust, for some of us, is never-ending.

So I told her.

I told my professor how the memory of my grandma’s tears are seared into my brain and how I drown in them every night. How her frail frame wracked with a hurricane of sobs at any and every mention of the Shoah. I told her the pain my grandma experienced shedding her Jewish surname in 1940 — just as her family had changed their name when escaping anti-Semitism in Eastern Europe a generation before.

I told her about my father, whose drawers are bursting full of old birthday cards, newspapers, and bills, each of which, he treats with the carefulness one does with water in a drought. How for him, throwing away a possession is a betrayal to those who came to Britain before him with nothing but their Judaism. I told her about the boxes of Judaica from family long gone which he still can’t bear to look at. How he flinches at being called a Jew, and how he leaves the room when the Holocaust is mentioned.

I told my professor about my room. How it has nothing but a mattress on the floor and a clothes rack because I don’t know when I’ll have to run — because I’ve run before. I told her about my dreams. How, after reading the Diary of Anne Frank in sixth grade, I was trapped with her in the annex every night for weeks.

I told her how an 87-year-old Holocaust survivor became a grandmother figure to me after I escaped child abuse. Every Friday evening, as I walked her home from synagogue, she told me the horrors of her childhood — and every Friday night I would join her horrors in my dreams. I told my professor that I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night. But I can remember that Treblinka was burning 12,000 bodies at a time, with only 50 survivors out of 897,000. A kill rate of 99.9%.

I told her about how I was assaulted last year on my walk home and how I laid motionless. Just as my ancestors had laid motionless. A generational relationship with the dirt beneath our feet. I told her that I was beaten for the same thing my grandfather was beaten for, and the same thing his grandfather was beaten for, and the same thing his grandfather was beaten for — the crime of being a Jew. After that assault, I knew any post-Holocaust ‘glow’ was over, and I had to run.

One consequence of universalizing the Holocaust over the past seventy years is that the non-Jewish world has become desensitized towards the greatest disaster in modern Jewish history. As the living memory of the Holocaust fades and as the post-Holocaust guilt age comes to a close, apathy towards the Holocaust increases. Anti-Semitism becomes normalized.

My lecturer used a trigger warning the next time she spoke about the Holocaust. Others should, too.

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Master Prompt List

Romantic Prompts

Fluffy/Family Prompts

Hurt/Comfort Prompts

Angsty Prompts

Friends Prompts

AU Prompts

Supernatural/Mystery/Thriller/Crime Prompts

Holiday/Seasonal Prompts

Monthly Prompts

Ranked Prompt Lists

Various Prompt Lists

If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee! 🥰

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jazm00n

james t. (for terf-hater) kirk is pansexual and everyone who disagrees with me can go climb a rock especially william shatner

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adhdpie

‘am i Having A Brain Problem or Being a Shithead’: a short procrastination checklist

aka why tf am i procrastinating on The Thing (more like a flowchart, actually)

lots of people who have executive function difficulties worry about whether they’re procrastinating on a task out of laziness/simply wanting to be a jerk or mental struggles. this checklist might help you figure out which it is at any given time! (hint: it’s almost never laziness or being a jerk.) (obligatory disclaimer: this is just what works for me! something different might work better for you.)

1) do I honestly intend to start the task despite my lack of success?

  • yes: it’s a Brain Problem. next question
  • no: it’s shitty to say one thing & do another. better be honest with myself & anyone expecting me to do the task.

2) am I fed, watered, well-rested, medicated properly, etc?

  • yes: next question
  • no: guess what? this is the real next task

3) does the idea of starting the task make me feel scared or anxious?

  • yes: Anxiety Brain. identify what’s scaring me first.
  • no: next question

4) do I know how to start the task?

  • yes: next question
  • no: ADHD Brain. time to make an order of operations list.

5) do I have everything I need to start the task?

  • yes: next question
  • no: ADHD Brain lying to me about the steps again, dangit. first task is ‘gather the materials’.

6) why am i having a hard time switching from my current task to this new task?

  • i’m having fun doing what i’m doing: it’s okay to have fun doing a thing! if task is time-sensitive, go to next question.
  • i have to finish doing what i’m doing: might be ADHD brain. can I actually finish the current task or will I get trapped in a cycle? does this task really need to be finished?
  • the next task will be boring/boring-er than the current task: ADHD brain. re-think the next task. what would make it exciting? what am I looking forward to?
  • I might not have enough time to complete the task: ADHD brain wants to finish everything it starts. (if task is time-sensitive, go to next question)
  • i just want to make the person who asked me to do it angry: sounds like anxiety brain trying to punish itself, because I know I’ll be miserable if someone is angry at me. why do i think I deserve punishment?
  • no, I seriously want to piss them off: okay, i’m being a shithead

7) have I already procrastinated so badly that I now cannot finish the task in time?

  • yes: ADHD brain is probably caught in a guilt-perfection cycle. since I can’t have the task done on time, i don’t even want to start.

reality check: having part of a thing done is almost always better than none of a thing done. if I can get an extension, having part of it done will help me keep from stalling out until the extension deadline. i’ll feel better if I at least try to finish it.

  • no, there’s still a chance to finish on time: ADHD brain thinks that I have all the time in the world, but the truth is I don’t. 

reality check: if i’m having fun doing what I’m doing, I can keep doing it, but I should probably set a timer & ask someone to check on me to make sure I start doing the task later today.

8) I’ve completed the checklist and still don’t know what’s wrong!

  • probably wasn’t honest enough with myself. take one more look.
  • if I’m still mystified, ask a friend to help me talk it out.

hope this helps some of you! YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE DON’T GIVE UP ON YOU

This helped me today.

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Imagine this:

After a long day of crying in bathroom stalls, fights with friends and the rest of a high school experience, you wait for your parents to arrive.

Your parents have a tough time showing up on time or coming at all.

Your best friend pulls you aside and then you are just walking. You walk to their car, you get in, buckle up and you drive in silence.

You reach the movie theater parking lot, drive all the way to the 12 th floor. There’s no roof and it honestly makes everything feel limitless.

Your friend breaks the silence; not with words but a shuffling to find the aux cord. They plug in their phone.

You can hear the scrolling through the speakers in the car.

You hear this song for the first time. The screen says ‘Killing In The Name’ by Rage Aganist the Machine.

Neither of you speak a words but bang your head to this new song that feels like an anthem. It exposes everything you feel wrong with the world but gives you the angst in the hellbent screaming of anger. Pure unfiltered anger. That is why you loved that car and the 12th floor. It’s why you loved them.

They are no longer in your life but you listen to that song today. Remind yourself of what existed and what it meant to be 17.

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Sia used to be one of my favorite artists and now she can go burn with all the other ableists. Exposure is not enough, go watch good doctor. CAST AUSTITIC ACTORS. Stop wasting my non neurotypical time.

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From a gorgeous sun baby to a fierce dog strutter. My Ramona helps me with my panic attacks but also helps when i am lacking slobber on my face. I love this girl. Happy belated six months. Also biting is her love language just in case any puppies are out there are looking for a ‘play date’ (at Long Beach, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKZfX5NnKAt/?igshid=1wuplbkuw47t7

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IT IS MY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY YALL. I can’t. She is just so beautiful. She makes me feel safe and loved. She will forever be my cosmic partner in crime. I love you Blue Like Jazz. (at The Best Day of My Life So Far) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJWov0UnCMr/?igshid=1qm6oqtqfklwc

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Therapist Red Flags

Therapy is important and can be really helpful, but not all therapists are good at their job. Here’s a few things to look out for when you’re seeing a therapist:

  • Not listening to what you tell them
  • Ignoring confidentiality (except in emergencies)
  • Making you feel judged or ashamed
  • Ignoring or trivialising your needs
  • Consistently being late
  • Making fun of your needs / accomplishments
  • Being judgemental or critical of you
  • Not taking your feedback on sessions into account
  • Condescending facial expressions or body language
  • Ignoring what you want to do / accomplish in therapy
  • Talking too much about themselves
  • Making you feel like problems are all your fault
  • Being insensitive to your culture or religion
  • They’re making you feel bad about yourself
  • Using the phone or getting distracted during your sessions
  • Attempting to make romantic / sexual advances on you
  • Making you feel stupid or invalid for what you say or how you feel
  • Forgetting important details about you / your life
  • Pushing you too hard before you’re ready
  • You wondering if their behaviour is a red flag. If you’re looking it up then chances are you already feel uncomfortable in therapy. You should never be forced into seeing a therapist who makes you feel uneasy. There’s no shame in leaving and finding a different therapist.
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I had a dream, we kissed and it was all amethyst.- Arlo Parks

I love her. I do. The english dictionary doesn’t not have the vocabulary to describe my feelings but I will try.  I will lasso the universes together just to give her something to look at. She makes me want to live, to breath; she makes me think I can live,  think that I can breathe. Have you ever felt that? I can’t do anything but love her. I can’t do anything but to devout my every breath to making her smile. I can’t help it. I love her. It’s morning now. I haven’t seen her in 10 hours and yet a millennia has past without her in my arms. Even if I had Midas touch, it wouldn’t work on her. She is my gold. A priceless artifact that needs to be protected but also needs their freedom to explore. To live. 

And so I will step back and admire the show of her life. I will be there when I am needed and I will appreciate what I have been given: the opportunity to be with her. I have never been so sure in love. I have never felt my blood settle from a volatile bubbling to a calm river. I have never felt so much peace. 

Jazmine, I love you.