eğlenceli dediler geldik

Yesterday I almost cried because my baby cousin ran up to my grandmother and was like. “Ha! Buhbuh ba ha.” And she said okay you want to show me something? And he led her over to the garden patch and crouched down and pointed at rocks and plants and was like. “Ah. Habah ba ah” as she listened attentively.

And I was like that happened 1,000 years ago. Probably 10,000 years ago. Maybe 100,000. The youngest human in a group went to the oldest one and said to the best of their ability “come see.” And the adult went.

this is such a beautiful post it doesn't need my dumb addition, but i can't fit this in the tags. at the archaeological site Dolni Vestonice in the Czech Republic there are a bunch of really really fascinating finds and I'm only going to tell you about one tiny detail of one of the most interesting sites in the world.

at this settlement 20-30,000 years ago there lived a person who appears to have been a sort of sorcerer-grandmother-ceramics artist and her workshop was preserved very well in the sedimentary layers. her hut where she had her kilns was full of little sculptures of animals and people that seem to have been made to explode in the kiln on purpose, we're not sure why but nevermind. the relevant detail is that when you sculpt something with your hands and then fire it, your fingerprints can be preserved in the surface of the clay forever, so we have fingerprints of ancient ceramics artists that have survived for tens of thousands of years. and one of the major artifacts from Dolni Vestonice has a fingerprint on it that is so small it could only have belonged to a child

so this shaman-grandmother-sculptor, who was buried with her pet fox by the way, had children running through her workshop and touching everything she made while she was at her mysterious work of creating the world's oldest ceramics, none of which appear to be bowls, bottles, pots, or any "useful" items at all, but rather a collection of animal and human and sometimes anthropomorphic figures, some of which appear to be self portraits. exactly the same as sandersstudios' grandmother being led to the garden by an excited baby. we've all been the same for 30,000 years.

charlize theron ma’am

does anyone else have a disease where they only ever want to watch movies they've already seen and loved

Aliko Dangote, the richest man in Africa, has been tormented by a Brazilian man named Osvaldo for the last several years.

Aliko is not taking it well

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".

@rmilkies

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy

twitter: currently owned by techbro pissman

tumblr: actively removing functionality and bloating the interface with things nobody uses

discord: being retooled by ex-Meta management who don't understand the appeal of the platform

youtube: neutered by advertisers and algorithms and also tiktokification

reddit: half of the site is down due to protests about the outrageous monetization of third-party API support

facebook: my mom is on there

lovin the dichotomy here

anyway tumblr número 1 campeão do mundo staff stop changing the mobile layout and get rid of tumblr live

(x)

technology related sensory memories from my childhood

The heaviness and rubber texture of the roller ball in a computer mouse, and the little ring of lint

Unkinking the curly cord of a telephone while you talked

The -peww sound and slowly fading image of a crt monitor turning off, and then running your finger through the static on the dusty glass

The crunch of opening or closing a plastic Disney vhs cover

The sound effects in kidpix

Extending and collapsing metal antennas and using them as magic wands

Manually rewinding cassette tapes by spinning them around my fingers

Playing with the rubber casing of the buttons on a Walkman–pulling them away, rotating them, slipping them from side to side on the stiff posts of the buttons

The audio and visual static at the end of a videotape

The satisfying thwap-thwap-thwap as you page through a well-filled CD sleeve book

How weird and small and light the first cordless phone felt

Sticking your fingers into the holes of an older relative’s rotary phone they still have yet to replace, and pushing to get the dial to turn and the oddly-satisfying click-click-click to get to the right number.

The sheer loudness and weight of a typewriter: the loud clack! as keys struck paper, the high-pitched warning ding! at the end of the line, the whirring zip! of shoving the heavy carriage back to the start.

The blockiness of computer monitors and towers: huge boxes with sharp lines, cases a roughly textured matte beige.

Depressing the power buttons into the casing of various electronics - and if you didn’t push hard and deep enough, it wouldn’t turn on at all.

Turning the heavy handle on the inside of the car door, and the window lowering in soft jerks.

The weight of your parents’ camera and the strange milky brown of new film being installed before the back of the camera was shut with a soft click.

The actual smell of the camera film.

The smell of the house after getting the first window-unit air conditioner.  (It smelled like other people’s houses, not ours.)

The high-pitched, barely audible whine of the television tube.

The sound and feel of turning the TV dial really fast, past the empty channels (and it was faster for UHF than for VHF, since there were so many more UHF frequencies.)

E v e r y t h i n g  about the slide projector–the back light when the man lamp isn’t on, the sound and feel of the fan, the motion and sound of the slides being pushed in and pulled out and the carousel advancing, the clunk when the direction is changed, and the glow of the images…

The heavy feel of turning the film strip in class.  That God awful BEEP.

that awful squeak when you used the new piece of chalk on the board.

spinning the dial of the radio to find the right station and the joy of finding some obscure station that you could only get if you fiddled with the knob just right.

A scratched CD skipping in the same place every time.

Placing the arm of the record player down, how sharp that needle could be.

The gargantuan effort of trying to turn the wheel of a car with no power steering.

the cracked, sharp, extremely hot vinyl seats of your parent’s van.

Watching the analog numbers flip on the pump at the self serve gas station. 

The heat expelled from the side of the teacher’s overhead projector and the smell of non-toxic transparency markers.

The gradual slowing of the Walkman as the batteries died.

Pulling a 5.25″ floppy disk out of a cloth-paper sleeve.

The heft of the gray, brick-like Gameboy and perching like a gremlin under a table lamp so you could actually see the screen.

The ksssshhhhh-boing-a-boing-a-beep-kssssssssh of the modem connecting.

Sticking your finger through the swinging silvery door of the coin return on a payphone and scooping forward to look for change.

Sliding the switch on the splitter from TV to AV to watch a movie.

Pressing your nose to the tv screen and seeing the tiny, tiny vertical bars of red, blue, and green

The smell and unnatural chill of freon when the car air conditioning came on.

Just a single one from me, but liking a movie enough to rewind the VHS on the slowest mode so I got to see it again, just backwards and a bit faster

The fuzzy feel of static when you hold your fingers just above the tv screen or monitor.

Folding the leftover edges from the dot matrix printer paper into tiny accordion pleated springs.

The glowing orange text of the monochrome computer monitor.

Fitting the mini camcorder tape into the VHS-sized cassette adapter so you could play back a home video on your VCR.

The beeping tone when you left the phone off the hook.

The whir and blur of the microfiche and trying to turn the dial just the right amount to find what you’re looking for, then reversing because you overshot it.

The purple ink of mimeographed worksheets.

Waving a polaroid you’re carefully holding just by the corner and watching the image slowly fade into existence.

The pattern of colored bars that would flash on the tv.

having a child has taught me that every toddler is completely justified in their frustrations and tantrums because learning how to do something you have literally never encountered or heard of before is insane. and being expected to be completely calm in the face of this constant barrage of overwhelming information is doubly insane.

i got charlie a sticker activity book and it occurred to me i have to TEACH someone how to unpeel stickers. it's SKILL that requires DEXTERITY and FINE MOTOR ABILITY. i thought it was obvious that you have to curl the page a little bit to create a break in the cut so the sticker comes up.

obviously a fucking BABY wouldn't know that because they have no background experience to inform their thought process. OBVIOUSLY. and OBVIOUSLY the LITERAL BABY wouldn't get it right the first few times. it would OBVIOUSLY take practice. lots of it.

i hate this feeling. it's so obvious. why are children treated so badly when they're learning everything for the first fucking time. why do people treat children so horribly and expect so much. they're brand new. why didn't i get the same grace i give to my child? why did no one have patience for me? why, when it's this easy?

it's so easy. it's so fucking easy.

for the redditors coming here, this is how we spread news of important events in the world, with a Destiel meme

For everybody who's been here a while and felt like Wiley E. Coyote just after running off the edge of the cliff when they scrolled down to find nothing below

Dear redditors, the majority of important world events and breaking news may look like this:

So don't immediately scroll past these posts.

I'm not even fucking joking. That's just how shit works on this hellsite (derogatory)

WHEN WAS SOMEONE GONNA TELL ME THAT TUMBLR IS RUNNING ADS ON REDDIT RIGHT NOW???

Watching the difference between the Twitter migration mentality vs. the Reddit migration mentality is fucking hilarious.

Like, when Twitter users started moving over here everyone was pulling out all the stops and bringing back old fandoms that they were into and basically firing rent lowering shots by being super cringey.

And then all of the sudden when the Reddit refugees start showing up we're like, "ah yes, pull up a log and gather around the dumpster fire. We'll teach you how to not get killed by people hunting down bots and carve out a little area for you guys to relax and get used to the site before we throw you into the deep end of this hellsite that we call home. Tomorrow is Let Papyrus say Fuck day so you can prepare for that if you want. You want some hot coco and a blanket?"

Myself included tbh

"You can't be a lurker on tumblr." Yes, you absolutely can. I've been quietly reblogging things since 2014 and I haven't interacted with anyone in years.

Every single time

👉 Please follow us on Twitter

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something im noticing is the redditors are just commenting on everything via reblogs with reckless abandon. and its so funny bc thats how youre MEANT to use this fucking website but we've trained ourselves out of it somehow.

I feel like a fucking chimp raised in a lab let out into the wild and just doing shit without understanding wtf is going on because I was raised to click the button to get cookie