The red white and blue actor has a very nice nose.

I haven’t recorded any sneezes in one million years but if I DID record something… what would y’all want to hear?

Sneezes are so hot oh my GOODNESS! “I’m so sneezy today” is like… nuclear hot.

Y’all used to send me asks and such from time to time, we should bring that back. Please send me asks and things. Suggested images for image posts, questions about my many abandoned stories, scenarios, asks about scenarios I have failed to develop into stories, all that stuff.

Developed this incredible idea with a friend that is hard to explain and would be easier to explain as a story but then I can’t figure out how to write it as a story either!

Somebody on the forum wrote a sequel to a story I never finished and I do t know whether to be flattered or just really embarrassed that I can’t finish things.

To be fair tho I really wrote myself into a corner with that one, too many character names, too hard to keep track of.

Feel like there are not enough porn sites dedicated to big booty gentlemen. Just an observation. Ofc that’s why we have OnlyFans but the angles… sigh.

The higher power really went off when they invented butts. Damn. You ate that one sis. And so will I lololololoolol.

The dad bod look is so hot I swear.

Just… really desperately need to hear someone talk about their allergies and how bad they need to sneeze and how much their nose tickles. Needed like breath rn.

“You good bro?”

“Y-yeah bro just a little itchy, bro…”

“Itchy? Like uh…”

“Naw naw just uh… hh-huhhhh… I got it bro I got it under control”

“You sure bro cause…”

“Yeah bro, I’m not gonna go buhhh… b-boom?”

“Bro you’re sounding pretty damn boom-y”

“Bro, I gahhh… gaaaaaaaAAAAHHHHHH…”

“Bro! You’re gonna blow!”

He had so much under control, it was easy to forget about his biggest weakness.

Between the meds and the allergy shots and the diet and the local honey and keeping everything clean and dry and not letting dust build up and and and…

And, we’d mostly gotten his sneezes under control. Mostly.

Until he rolled his eyes at one of my jokes, tilted his head back and got a face full of sun.

“Ehhhhh… hehhhhhhh… I th-think ‘m… ‘m gonna…” he breathed

I wanted to curse at him, to berate him for not wearing his sunglasses, to tell him I knew we never should have gotten that damn sunroof in the first place, and what did a person with sneezes like his, with that particular reflex, need with a sunroof… but no he wanted to have the luxuries normal people had and after all we had it under control…

But there was no time for arguing. “Cmon, honey, just try and keep it back, you don’t wanna let it loose in the car…”

“I… HEH…! ‘M t-tryihhhh…”

“Shhhhh, don’t talk, that makes it come faster just…” I reached over and unbuckled his seat belt for him, before unbuckling my own and getting out of the car. When he had to sneeze like this, he couldn’t focus on anything other than his nose, like his whole world narrowed to the building storm…

I rushed around to his side of the car, opened the door, tried to lead him out. Fortunately the car was parked… I couldn’t imagine if he had to sneeze like this in traffic…

“Just hold it back… just a little longer, let’s just get you pointed uhhh… that way!” I said, looking around the parking garage for the least dangerous place to aim him. Sure, he probably wasn’t going to take down a building or blow out a wall from such a distance but… probably just wasn’t good enough when it came to his sneezes.

He only nodded, pressing again against his septum, shaking his head from side to side. His nostrils flared as wide as quarters. We didn’t have long.

I half-guided, half-dragged him as his breaths went from tousling my hair to making cars tip from side to side. I just barely managed to get him in position (and myself out of the line of fire) before he could hold back no longer and all hell broke loose.

“Hey there—“ Jim was the first to turn. Just looking at that big pink bouquet, bursting at the seams with pollinating flowers, made my nose itch. The scent alone… how he wasn’t blasting off already I couldn’t imagine…

“Oh, you’re here!” Taylor spoke next, the whole group turning around to face me, smiles on every face. Oh, clearly we were here to have some *fun*.

The guys all knew about my… peculiarity. So I knew when they said they had a surprise for me… and I found out where I was to meet them for the surprise, well… it was definitely going to be a good time. Not for the greenhouse, knowing Jim—let alone Nate, the skinniest of the bunch but with lungs to beat them all, or a small tornado for that matter—but definitely a good time for me.

“So uhh…” I stammered, looking at the guys and all the greenery around them. “Uh… how are you guys not sneezing your heads off? I mean we all have pretty bad allerg—“

“Filters.” Marcus said, already sliding out of his overalls. “These little filters, you put em in your nose. Air gets through but pollen doesn’t. We were waiting for you to—“

“HHHEEEEEIIIIIIIIISSSSCCCHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Marcus was cut off by a deafening roar of a sneeze that made my heart race even as it made my knees weak.

“Looks like somebody was impatient.” Jim joked, nodding at Mike, his long hair a mop in front of his face as he doubled over with the sneeze, not even able to straighten back up before he succumbed again…

“AAEEEEEEEEEESSSCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!”

“Oh shit, my turn next!” Taylor said. “Hold onto your hats guys cause I’ve been feeling a little itchy even with the filters so…”

Soon it was a symphony, an orchestra of sneezes. Great big roars and tight, snapped fits, ground and growled out as though the allergy was too intense to stop sneezing long enough for a proper enormous breath to fuel the mighty sneeze that was really needed. Loud vocal hollers of sneezes, a sneeze so big it shattered windows and blew flowers right out of Mike’s hands, scattering the pollen all around the greenhouse. I was so lost in the haze of all these beautiful men, beautiful noses, beautiful sneezes that I almost missed it when Nate said.

“Alright, you guys have had your fun. My turn.” And with that he took out his filters and his first breath turned into a long, smooth, endless inhale to fuel a sneeze that was about to put the rest of the guys to shame…

“Oh sh-shihhhhh… HHIIISSHH!! ISSHHHHOO!! Sh-shit guys… we gotta geehhhhh…”

“HAAAEEEEESSSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Get moving! He’s gonna bring the whole thing d-dowwwwwwaaaaAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRSCCCCHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

And still, Nate’s breath went in, in, *in*… his chest swelling, the power growing and I was transfixed, unable to look away even as the guys scrambled… finally somebody pulled me out of the line of fire just as the first true eruption blasted from Nate—

“WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Even the force that clipped me on the side would have been enough to knock me down, if Taylor, still sneezing, hadn’t helped me stay upright. And so the symphony of sneezes continued, interrupted by the occasional cannon-fire from Nate. And as the sneezes continued to ring, the shorts started to come off…

Oh yes, this was a hell of a surprise indeed.

Not sneeze related but sitting at the beach now and feeling incredibly bisexual lmao.

Thinking today about just… allergy talk, sneeze talk, all of it… so hot. “Today’s a real sneezy day” “my nose has been tickling since I woke up” “I dunno if I’m gonna stop sneezing at all today.” “Oh excuse me, sorry it’s just my nose tickles so bad…” “my allergies are killing me today.” “What’s the pollen count, because my allergies are going haywire…’ Bonus points of course if all of this talk is distorted by pre-sneeze breaths and hitches and the voice goes high pitched as they climb up and up and up towards the great big… “HHAAAAEEESSCCHOOOOOO!!!”

It is so hot and wonderful that some people really do get just long intense sneezing fits that can go on for several minutes at a time. Incredible.

We really need more extremely horny content with naked people but with sneezes integrated into the mix.

I am basically just saying this bc I just got back from a trip which included an incredibly horny gay party at a club and I just love being places with lots of people wearing minimal clothing and I just think some sneezes should be mixed in for maximum enjoyment.

More fantasy sneeze content from Ch/atG/pt, this time about two guys at a magical academy. (The story doesn’t specify, but the setting is supposed to be collegiate bordering on graduate studies, so these characters would be in their early 20s, although the behavior in it is… maybe a little juvenile lol). Also see if you can spot the chapter I actually made some subtle edits to…

Chapter 1: A Tale of Two Wizards

In the hallowed halls of Arcanum Academy, Justin was like a finely-tuned instrument, a masterful symphony of elegance and grace. He was the scion of the renowned Silvermoon family, a lineage of wizards as old as the ancient Arcanum Oak itself. His every movement was a testament to refinement, a dance between privilege and talent. Justin was born to be the academy's golden child, the personification of prestige and the epitome of perfection.

In stark contrast, Enoch was a thunderstorm wrapped in an avalanche, a mountain boy who had stumbled into a world of glass. He hailed from the rugged peaks of the western mountains, a land that valued strength and resilience over delicacy and grace. His colossal frame seemed out of place in the delicate corridors of the academy, a bear among foxes. His classmates often joked that Enoch had giant blood coursing through his veins, a jest that he took with good humor, despite knowing no such heritage in his family tree.

While Justin's magic was like a carefully orchestrated waltz, Enoch's was a maelstrom, raw and unbridled, a force of nature. Yet, despite their contrasting natures, they were bound by the thread of magical potential, two halves of a powerful and enigmatic whole.

It was on an ordinary day, in the midst of a crucial examination, that Enoch's world would be upended once more. The room was as silent as a tomb, filled with the quiet rustle of parchment and the scratching of quills. Enoch could feel the familiar tickle in his nose, a harbinger of an impending sneeze. He clenched his jaw, willing the tickle away, knowing that another outburst would bring a torrent of ridicule upon him.

As he desperately fought the urge to sneeze, the young woman in front of him tossed her golden locks, releasing a cloud of sweet, fruity perfume. The scent was the final straw for Enoch's beleaguered nostrils, and he could hold back no longer.

The sneeze that erupted from Enoch was like a clap of thunder, shaking the room with its sheer volume. The silence that had filled the room shattered like glass, replaced by the explosive force of Enoch's sneeze. But that was not all. In his embarrassment, Enoch's body betrayed him once more, releasing a trumpeting fart that echoed through the hall, a sonic boom of humiliation.

For a moment, the room was suspended in shock. And then, as if on cue, laughter erupted like a volcano, a cacophony of mockery and derision. At the epicenter of this mirthful tempest was Justin, his eyes alight with cruel delight.

"Well, well, Enoch," Justin sneered, his voice dripping with condescension. "You really have outdone yourself this time. A sneeze and a fart in one go? Are you trying to break a record, or just our eardrums?"

As the laughter continued to swirl around him, Enoch felt a mixture of embarrassment and envy. It was as if the very universe had conspired to make him the antithesis of Justin, the embodiment of all that he could never be. He glanced at the golden-haired boy, wondering if there would ever be a day when he could stand beside him as an equal. But for now, all he could do was bow his head and endure, waiting for the storm to pass.

Chapter 2: A Clash of Wills

The next day brought with it a new challenge. Professor Elara, a seasoned witch with a penchant for pushing her students out of their comfort zones, announced a class project unlike any other—creating a new spell, one that wasn't chronicled in any of their textbooks.

The challenge was daunting enough, but the twist that followed left Justin and Enoch reeling. "Justin, Enoch," Professor Elara said, her voice ringing with authority, "you two will be working together."

Justin’s face contorted into a look of pure disbelief. "Professor, surely you jest!" he exclaimed, his voice echoing through the classroom. "I respect your decision, but I hardly think that partnering with Enoch will be... beneficial."

Professor Elara simply raised an eyebrow, her gaze steady on the golden-haired boy. "In this academy, we learn from everyone, Justin, not just those we deem worthy. I believe you and Enoch could learn a lot from each other. And that is not up for debate."

And so, the unlikely partnership began. It was a clash of wills, a storm brewing between two powerful forces. Justin, with his refined elegance, and Enoch, with his raw power, were like oil and water, incapable of mixing without a little heat.

Justin suggested intricate spells, ones that required finesse and a deep understanding of magical theory. Enoch, on the other hand, preferred straightforward spells, ones that harnessed raw power and focused on practicality.

"You can't just muscle your way through magic, Enoch!" Justin retorted one day, his patience wearing thin. "It's not about brute strength. It's about understanding the subtle nuances of the magical currents."

"And you can't just prance around with your fancy words and complicated spells, Justin!" Enoch countered, his voice booming through the room. "Magic is about feeling, about connection. It's not just some dance you can choreograph!"

Their debates were as heated as a dragon's breath, filled with biting remarks and explosive outbursts. Despite their immense potential, they seemed incapable of finding a common ground, their egos eclipsing their talent.

On one such day, their heated argument was interrupted by an all too familiar sensation. Enoch's nose twitched, his nostrils flaring as Justin's expensive cologne wafted through the room. Despite his best efforts, Enoch couldn't hold back the sneeze that followed. It was like a cannon blast, echoing through the room and cutting through their argument.

Justin stared at Enoch, his annoyance momentarily overshadowed by surprise. The mountain boy sighed, rubbing his nose. "Sorry," he muttered, his voice echoing in the aftermath of his explosive sneeze. But beneath the apology, there was a spark of defiance, a silent challenge that marked the end of another round in their ongoing clash of wills.

Enoch's sneeze reverberated in the room, shaking the very foundations of their argument. Justin watched as Enoch rubbed his nose, an apology slipping past his lips. And then, like a spark igniting a flame, an idea struck Justin. An idea so unexpected, so absurd, that it could only be brilliant.

"What if..." Justin began, his voice uncharacteristically tentative. "What if we create a spell to... quiet your sneezes?"

Enoch's eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed in offense. "You want to do what?" he roared, his voice bouncing off the stone walls. "You think I need a spell to control my sneezes? Is this some kind of joke to you, Justin?"

But Justin's usual smirk was absent, replaced by a serious expression Enoch had never seen before. "No, Enoch," he replied, his voice steady. "I think it could help. And besides, it definitely fits the project criteria. No one has ever heard of a sneeze-muffling incantation."

Enoch looked at Justin, his anger momentarily quelled by his sincerity. He opened his mouth to argue, to claim that his sneezes weren't that loud, that he didn't care how loud they were... but the words died on his lips. Instead, he found himself considering the proposal.

After a long silence, Enoch let out a resigned sigh. "Fine," he muttered. "But only because it's a good idea for the project. Not because I think my sneezes are too loud."

Justin's face broke into a triumphant smile, but it faded quickly as Enoch let out another powerful sneeze, causing the room to shudder. Rubbing his nose, Enoch muttered, "And you might want to consider changing your cologne, Justin. I think I'm allergic to it."

With a nod and a small, almost apologetic smile, Justin agreed. For the first time, there was a spark of understanding between them, a fleeting moment where their paths aligned. It was a small victory, a tiny ripple in the vast ocean of their differences. But as they say, even the greatest journeys begin with a single step.

Chapter 3: The Sneeze Silencer

Justin's room was as grand as one would expect from a scion of the prestigious Silvermoon family. A spacious domain that was all his own, filled with opulent furniture and priceless artifacts. When Enoch stepped inside, he couldn't help but feel like a clumsy giant in a finely crafted dollhouse.

Their mission was clear: develop a spell to mute Enoch's ground-shaking sneezes. The problem, however, was figuring out where to start.

"Well," Enoch began, looking around the luxurious room with a mix of awe and discomfort, "we should probably start with a sneeze."

Justin grimaced. "And how do you propose we do that?"

Enoch shrugged. "Dunno. Got any pepper?"

"Pepper? In my room?" Justin looked aghast at the suggestion. "No, of course not. That would be unsightly."

Rolling his eyes, Enoch looked around for inspiration. His gaze landed on the bottle of designer cologne sitting on Justin's dresser. "What about your perfume?" he asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Justin's face paled. "You want to waste my cologne? It's a limited edition, Enoch!"

Enoch merely shrugged. "Well, unless you can think of another way to make me sneeze..."

After a moment of internal struggle, Justin huffed in defeat and handed the cologne to Enoch. "Just...be gentle with it, alright?"

As Enoch sprayed the cologne, several thunderous sneezes followed, shaking the room and rattling the precious artifacts on Justin's shelves. They tried various spells to silence the sneezes, but none worked.

Just when frustration was starting to set in, Enoch had a revelation. "Wait a minute," he said, his eyes lighting up. "What if we used a vocal amplification spell, but reversed it?"

Justin paused, considering Enoch's suggestion. "That...could actually work," he admitted, clearly surprised. "We just need to find a way to target it to a sneeze."

As they continued to brainstorm, a new dynamic began to form between them. Their mutual disdain was slowly giving way to respect, and despite their stark differences, they found common ground in their shared love of magic. They were still far from friends, but the ice between them was slowly starting to thaw. And for the first time, they began to see each other not as rivals, but as equals.

Chapter 4: A Change in the Wind

With the morning sun casting a warm glow on the ancient stones of Arcanum Academy, Enoch found himself en route to the classroom, his mind a whirlpool of thoughts. He pondered his partnership with Justin, how he might have been too quick to judge the spoilt wizard. He was even starting to consider Justin as someone he could eventually call a friend.

As he pushed open the heavy wooden door of the classroom, the chatter of his classmates filled his ears. Justin, as usual, was the center of attention, his golden hair glinting in the morning light as he entertained his group of friends with stories.

However, as Enoch neared, the conversation took an unexpected turn. "Can you believe my luck? Partnered with the human foghorn himself!” Justin was saying, a smirk playing on his lips, his coterie of admirers chuckling. “But trust me, our project is bound to be a hit, so long as Enoch doesn't trip over his mountain roots. He really is a talented boy, such a shame he comes from such backwards backwoods people, or he really might have made something of himself as a wizard. He certainly has the talent for it.”

Laughter echoed around the room. Enoch felt a sting of betrayal, the hurt registering deep within him. Was this the same Justin he had considered calling a friend?

As their turn to present came, Enoch's mind was elsewhere, the words of the spell they had practiced becoming a blur. He stood beside Justin, his heart heavy, his thoughts filled with Justin's hurtful words. A part of him wished Justin could experience his plight, taste his own bitter medicine.

As they began the incantation, something felt off. The words that escaped their lips weren't their own. The ground shook, the windows rattled, and a force, powerful and raw, seemed to take hold of their magic. Darkness enveloped the room, and a deafening silence fell.

And then, a sneeze. A sneeze so loud it could have shaken the stars from the sky. The sound echoed through the blackness, reverberating off the stone walls. But to everyone's shock, the sneeze had not come from Enoch. A gasp of surprise filled the room as the lights flickered back on, revealing a stunned Justin, his hand covering his nose.

Confusion swept the room, followed by a wave of laughter. Enoch looked at Justin, his hurt replaced by disbelief. Something had clearly gone wrong, but what exactly, they had no idea. As the laughter died down, Enoch found himself thinking, perhaps, just perhaps, justice had a strange way of making itself heard.

Chapter 5: A Symphony of Sneezes

Justin stood at the front of the class, his face a mask of shock as he attempted to regain his composure. He opened his mouth to speak, to offer a charming apology for the unexpected interruption, but instead of words, another sneeze exploded from him, thunderous and all-consuming.

Then another. And another.

What started as a surprise quickly turned into a spectacle. Justin Silvermoon, the golden boy of Arcanum Academy, was in the throes of an epic sneezing fit, each one more powerful and louder than any Enoch had ever produced.

His nose felt like it was under siege, an itchy, unbearable urge that demanded to be satisfied with each thunderous sneeze. His eyes watered, his cheeks flushed red, and the cool, calm composure he was known for had been entirely replaced by a look of utter disbelief.

Justin tried to speak again, his voice weaving through the loud sneezes, a futile attempt to regain control. But each word was cut short by another explosive sneeze, the sound reverberating off the walls, echoing in the vast classroom.

The descriptions of his sneezes were grandiose, the roars echoing like a lion's, the trumpets of a thousand elephants, a volcano explosively erupting. Each sneeze was a testament to the uncontrolled power of nature, the raw, untamed force of a storm unleashed.

Laughter bubbled up among the students, the irony of the situation too delicious to ignore. Hands clapped over ears, and the room filled with comments that would have made Justin cringe in any other circumstance.

"Talk about a sonic boom!"

"Who knew Pretty Boy had such a loud side!"

It was a spectacle, a comedy show at the expense of the academy's golden boy. And Justin, for once, wasn't laughing.

With one final, earth-shattering sneeze, Justin turned on his heel and bolted from the room, a cloud of embarrassment and confusion trailing behind him. Enoch, after a moment of stunned silence, pushed past the laughter and followed after him.