enough toxic masculinity I'm ready for salubrious mexicanity. I'm ready for a social movement that encourages (esp straight, cis) men to indulge in things that make them more joyful, emotionally healthy, and help them strengthen not core muscles but core compassionate communication skills.

I cannot stress enough that I have a minor speech impediment and voice-to-text decided it was more likely that I said "mexicanity" than "masculinity." I was not in fact alluding to the potential healing benefits of being Mexican. I am however perfectly content with this post being about that instead.

*raises my hand to ask a question* what if we collectively refused to refer to AI as 'AI'? it's not artificial intelligence, artificial intelligence doesn't currently exist, it's just algorithms that use stolen input to reinforce prejudice. what if we protested by using a more accurate name? just spitballing here but what about Automated Biased Output (ABO for short)

I've been informed that in australia, "Abo" is a slur against Aboriginal people. therefore a respectful and clear differentiation must be made:

in summary: a more descriptive, respectful, and practical term for Artificial Intelligence is, quite logically, A/B/O

#since AI is a rapidly emerging business...it would be accurate to say that tech is currently an A/B/O Dynamic industry

A/B/O is also used to talk about the Omegaverse

omegaverse like the thing zuckberg is tryna do with all the facebook instagram internet-of-thing virtual reality Mega company stuff?

No, that's the Metaverse. The Omegaverse is all those movies with Captain America and the Guardians of the Galaxy and whatnot.

oh DUH, that's why i keep seeing stuff about marvel omegaverse on my dash every time they do a new movie

The problem with being ADHD and having trouble reading long, rambling sentences and paragraphs that go on and on is that having ADHD makes you more likely to write in long, rambling sentences and paragraphs that go on and on do you see the problem I am encountering

I feel like this post would be more popular if people with adhd could actually read it

ADHD: makes it hard to read long, rambling sentences

also ADHD: makes you write in long, rambling sentences

do you see the problem here

did u just rewrite my post you gorgeous brilliant little paperclip

i have some questions yet i find myself too afraid to seek answers

dear god not the tumbleweeds

completely justified response if you haven't encountered tumbleweeds firsthand (because most of us are only familiar with the loony tunes version) but in reality....

so the thing about tumbleweeds is they are in fact incredibly invasive. they cause millions of dollars of damage every year, and create serious traffic accidents and agricultural disruption. (they're also highly flammable, because of course they are.) the town in question was piled so deep, residents had to call 911 after being trapped in their homes. bulldozers and emergency workers had to be brought. it was wild.

tumbleweeds are also heavier than they look--they're made of wood after all. and they're big (most varieties top out at 4 feet, but there are larger ones that can reach up to 6 feet across. you know how the Emu War sounds absurd and fictional until you realize emus are 6 solid feet of clawed, beaked, avian dinosauric FUCK YOU? yeah, this is like that

in summary, tumbleweeds are thorny, pollen-filled, fire-spreading assholes (and they can spread radiation from old nuclear sites), which means we are dealing roaming packs of stabby, poisonous, radioactive fireballs of death that can appear out of nowhere coming at you top speed down the middle of the highway!

the more you know :D

in conclusion, please have this photo of the only tumbleweed i have any fucking fondness for (the South African Brunsvigia bosmaniae), solely due to the fact it's fucking PINK

is it as evil as all its cousins? probably! do i care? that just makes it sexier! and the bulbs contain hallucinogenic properties, which makes perfect sense from a single glance:

sorry i don't reply more to people on this webs site. u see i do not enjoy interacting or being perceived or acknowledging the threatening realities of existing in a world alongside sentient sapient beings separate from myself. ( the philosophical ramifications are catastrophic, i'm sure u understand )

trying to decide if i’d rather be a tortoise or a turtle. on the one hand I prefer dry land, on the other hand turtles can breathe out of their cloacae so. it’s tricky

hmm have you considered something like a snapping turtle? can live on dry land if it wants to and just go to the water for a nice splash splash

that’ll work

so we have these in North Carolina and they are Menaces (note the capital M) but not in the way that you would think. no. you don’t step into a pond and go “ouchie my foot, a snapping turtle bit me.” (they’re actually very friendly in water so long as you don’t bother them). no no, these fuckers LOVE scorching hot concrete. and they’re BIG.

Most commonly you’ll see one chilling in the middle of the road like a little goomba waiting to wreck your car tire. So you gotta stop and move them which involves awkwardly lugging this flailing, hissing turtle well off the road and into the forest where you pray it will stay.

Now, I know they’re called snapping turtles, and they do snap, WHICH IN ALL DUE FAIRNESS is BAD for the person moving the turtle out of the road.

BUT.

THEY HAVE CLAWS.

Remember when I said “flailing”?

Yeah, it’s easy to avoid the beak but it is NOT easy to avoid those feet. they will fuck you up with their sword-feet.

So, my advice, as a North Carolinian, on moving snapping turtles off roads: Let someone else do it :)

And hey! If i wanted to be a turtle, i’d pick this one! no one’s messing with me!

no one.

Beautiful.

@willowbane are these things of a size where a snow shovel might be a useful implement of hazard-removal? I assume it’d have to be a real heavy-duty one, not one of the flimsy little collapsible popsicle sticks that are what most people have stashed in the back seat footwell somewhere…

*ahem*

To answer your question, here is the following:

i did some research and the research says… maybe???

while this would probably work better from a safety standpoint…

…no one in North Carolina keeps a snow shovel in their vehicle (we’re southern, please forgive us). also, snapping turtles are still kinda squishy, at least their legs are, so i would be concerned about cutting the turtle while scooping it since decent snow shovels are usually made of metal and are pretty sharp.

Instead, here is a helpful guide on how to pick up a snapping turtle:

So. You have encountered a turtle…

…and it is filled with the burning rage of a thousand suns because, dear god, you, mortal flesh pod, have decided to move it from its Sunny Spot™️

Question is, how does one go about doing this?

Well, friend, first you approach the turtle from BEHIND (to avoid the beak, chase after it, etc, etc)

You’ve made it this far so now you’re going to want to pick this bad boy up.

In order to avoid walking away from this looking like you just fought with a rotating sphere of knives, pick up the turtle towards the back of its shell but in front of the hind legs:

Then, you’re going to pick the turtle up and lug it across the road in the direction it was facing/walking. They know where they’re going, they have turtle instincts. Trust the turtle instincts.

Now, it is important that you’re only picking this turtle up a few inches off the ground because 1) they are very heavy and if you drop it, you only want it falling a few inches and 2) there’s just less flailing if they can see the ground.

after awkwardly shuffle-walking to the curb, set the turtle down (gently) and watch it waddle into the undergrowth!

You did it!

Thank you for the helpful guide! This is almost completely right except for one very important thing: if you absolutely have to pick up the turtle, please make sure you do so by gripping the underside of the shell and support the body as well. As you note, snapping turtles are squishy and heavy and just gripping the top shell can put undue stress on the joints where the bottom shell joins and it can separate causing damage and pain.

Also pro tip: keep heavy leather work gloves in your car and use them. It won’t stop them from biting (they can bite your finger clean off) but it will help protect against the claws and give you more confidence in your grip.

i’m STILL not over

This is great advice, but honestly, after many encounters, I have given up on the concept of picking up snapping turtles. Especially when they start getting big. It does not matter where you grab them. Their necks are like an accordion and their claws can reach where their necks can’t. There isn’t a safe place to grab them, it just won’t work. The last one I tried to rescue, clawed and thrashed until I lost my grip, then it turned around, squared up, and LUNGED at me while hissing. Other humans witnessed this. In the middle of a busy intersection.

Getting a piece of something like cardboard or a plastic bin lid to gently shoo/nudge them along, and then just escort mission-ing them to safety is my new strategy.

Though I am seriously considering keeping a shovel in my trunk despite the lack of snow. I have no snow but an abundance of snapping turtles.

tbh in the past i have gotten a yard tool or baseball bat, let them bite down onto it, and then pulled them out of the road while they’re latched onto whatever i put in their mouth. this doesn’t work with the largest adults, but with those guys your best bet is to call fish and game anyways, bc they’ll wreck your arm or leg if they get ahold of it :’D

there are people who leave the house without a pair of earplugs. what insanity

there are people who go outside, who spend an entire day in environments completely out of their control--and these bitches don't bring earplugs? that is not Standard Practice?

what happens if the traffic is too loud? what happens if co-workers are having a nearby conversation? what if the grocery store music exists? what happens if the basic Vibe is just Grotesque? and you go out there, into that vile wilderness, without so much as a pair of goddamn foam earplugs to do battle? you build your own hell brick by loathsome brick

*raises my hand to ask a question* what if we collectively refused to refer to AI as 'AI'? it's not artificial intelligence, artificial intelligence doesn't currently exist, it's just algorithms that use stolen input to reinforce prejudice. what if we protested by using a more accurate name? just spitballing here but what about Automated Biased Output (ABO for short)

I've been informed that in australia, "Abo" is a slur against Aboriginal people. therefore a respectful and clear differentiation must be made:

in summary: a more descriptive, respectful, and practical term for Artificial Intelligence is, quite logically, A/B/O

#since AI is a rapidly emerging business...it would be accurate to say that tech is currently an A/B/O Dynamic industry

A/B/O is also used to talk about the Omegaverse

omegaverse like the thing zuckberg is tryna do with all the facebook instagram internet-of-thing virtual reality Mega company stuff?

vampire who complains constantly about how difficult it is to access laudanum in the "so-called modern era." from their many, many complaints, it's clear they've gone to considerable difficulty over the past century maintaining a steady personal laudanum supply. their werewolf roomie is on the verge of holding an intervention. it is then casually revealed that laudanum has no intoxicating effect on bloodsuckers. the vampire just use it as a "spicy blood sauce"; it adds a nice kick

always so morale-boosting when my tags pass review: #it's later revealed they developed this flavor profile by falling in with a group of 'whiny gothic nitwits' in the early 1800s #who were 'annoying as hell and never shut the fuck up' but their blood was picante as fuck so whatever

#(also later revealed these 'gothic nitwits' consisted of lord byron and his literary contemporaries)

eh I'd eat a macaroni

don't mean Pasta by the ways im meaning these historic mofos

not enough of u cuntbiscuits appreciating my despicable tags 😠

eh I'd eat a macaroni

don't mean Pasta by the ways im meaning these historic mofos

NASA took a pic of the dark side of the moon fyi

This looks like someone badly photoshopped the moon in front of the earth, and lazily added a drop shadow effect behind it.

it's the public funding cuts 😞