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Caine Take The Wheel

@big-fang-andrei

[TW: body horror] For the foolish kine disgusted by the inherent beauty of the flesh I suggest you turn away now. And for the sweet children of the night please enter, remove your pants.

The Szlachta Bracket

Everyone on here is having great fun with the poll function, so why not have a vote on which is the Best Szlachta?

The Rules:

  1. Submissions will be open until either one month passes (from the time of this post) or 20 szlachta are submitted, whichever comes first.
  2. Szlachta only. No vozhd, Tzimisce, lupines with mange, lupines without mange, or gargoyles.
  3. Tremere-skin clothing is encouraged, but not mandatory.

Once we have all twenty contestants, these szlachta will be matched against each other and the Cainites of tumblr will decide who is the goodest, best, and most special fleshcraft-thing. The winning szlachta will receive treats and head-pats from the Bishop; its creator will receive a non-grudging acknowledgement that their work is decent.

The submission box is open.

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breadcunt

Certified bitchass motherfucker, dripless idiot, stacks no paper and gets no bitches, simpleton, forgotten by the hand of god, fucked up uphill both ways, unable to serve cunt, fatherless, motherless, scares the hoes the moment he shows up, doesn’t wash his ass,

Everyone’s a damn critic these days. Spend your day slaving over a cold operation table and come back with a better looking ottoman, I dare you.

Hey folks! For anyone interested in playing Tabletop games at Anime Weekend Atlanta I will be running games this weekend there. Open to newcomers and veterans alike looking for a taste of more story focused games using the Storytelling system by White Wolf. We’ll be running the following:

Pre-gens: yes

Max players: 5

You are one of the Kindred, the immortal predators that stalk the world. But there's a guy at the top. The Prince. between the streetlights. You are also a vampire, a junkie. Every night, you beg and you borrow and you steal just a little more life, just a few more sweet moments. HE'S GOT EVERYTHING. The money, the secrets, the blood. Tonight, you're going to take it from him. TOMORROW, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! A Modern Gothic storytelling game where you play as a Vampire in this personal horror and political intrigue game.

Time: 10/28/22 6pm - 10pm

Pre-gens: yes

Max players: 4

You were once an “angel” that belonged to a god made of gears and circuits that bleed into this world. You were once it’s slave to its occult matrix, hacking into reality and completing its hidden purposes. But you “fell” and became self aware of what you were, a Demon in human cover. Play as a Unchained, a biomechanical monster in a human disguise working undercover against the God-Machine and its influence in this storytelling game of techgnostic espionage.

10/29/22 1pm-4pm

Pre-gens: yes

Max players: 5

Like every city, Rochester has its ghosts — and like other cities, it has those who prey upon and those who aid the dead. The machinations of a young but powerful Reaper, the Iridescent Maggot, threaten one of the dead patrons of Rochester’s ghost community, and there are none who can stand against it. None, that is, save the Sin-Eaters of Rochester, who will brave even the Underworld to keep their city safe. Play as a Sin-Eater, a person who has made a unholy pact to share a body with a powerful ghost in order to fight back and help the ghosts trapped in twilight in this storytelling game of second chances.

10/29/22 6pm-10pm

Games are inclusive and beginner friendly. Dice and character sheets will be provided. Come and play with us if you like horror movies or are just hankering to try out a new system!

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Some dink in the panty waste region of Atlanta is begging you to play his silly Revenant: The Ravishing game.

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HAHA HA, oh man I love this little purple guy cartoon. Andy sure has great taste in cartoons.

Ahstupid ming… grumble grumble. Lousy poorly written depection of Asian vampires. YOU know they’re more Wraith than Vampire so I don’t understand why we have to share a gameline with them.

Oh heya Andy. You back from Chinatown? It’s been like a year already. Didcha find out who left that, uuuuh radiator in your place? I’ve been like watering your man plants and shit while you were gone man.

No I’m afraid not. All I know is that the culprit bought a radiator from them and that’s it. How in the name of the eldest did you even get here? Are the man dogs blind?

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They ain’t Andy, but putting their eyeballs in upside doesn’t really help you know. Honestly even a blind dog can get in here. At least three anemic squirrels have gotten through the big ear you installed in the chimney you know.

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Wait that’s it! There’s only one type of blind stupid dogs in this city. The accursed Lupines! Oooh not only am I going to turn them into carpets but whole god damn set of squishmallows. I shall return and when I do Jack I better find you gone or dead by your own hands. And the first season of chowder is superior.

I dunno I kinda like the meta humor of season 2 & 3. And that gray rock man has a funny voice.

Meanwhile In Chinatown

My, my… to what do I owe the pleasure for the Sabbat Grandbishop visiting our fine court? Have you come to finally scrape off all the splattered sea slugs you’ve dotted my ceiling with the last time you visited me?

Oh you didn’t like them? I deeply apologize my Cathayan compatriot, I just thought it would fit with the rest of your humble abode. After all it’s hard to not see how a rotting slug wouldn’t fit with the rest of your “unique” interior design, Ancestress.

Ah that is true how rude of me to not appreciate a gift from you. It would be like as if a mother denied a bundle of twigs slathered in pig excrement as a Mother’s Day gift, after all I’m sure you made it to the best of your ability and capital.

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Listen here you bundle of tentacles with legs I’m only here for one thing and one thing only. Did you put that damned radiator in my haven, knowing full well I would accidentally get my swollen member caught in between the blazing hot steel cylinders? Searing my baby-arm-holding-an-apple like a cheap panini sandwich? And do not lie to me ghost person, I saw that it was made in Japan.

Japan!? My, my… has getting cancelled on twitter not taught you anything? I am Chinese, not Japanese and even then how would the origin of my country and the birthplace of some cheap heating equipment correlate to me placing it in your filthy creepy and wet home? That if I would add lacks any feng shuei. No be gone with you unless you want me to write up another fallout post and get you removed from you beloved tumblr.

Not so fast there, Mingus.

First of all: it’s pronounced Fang shooey

Second of all: yes it would be quite insensitive of me to consider that, especially after I’ve started giving Racism Insensitivity Training to the young shovel heads but I couldn’t help but notice that just down the road here a new factory had just opened up. A radiator factory nonetheless. Now it would be silly to assume you would be behind this tragedy, especially with some piece of outdated heating equipment being all the way from china. After all it’s not like we’re that close to the Middle Kingdom are we?

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…Where are you going with this Kin-Jin…

Oh nowhere really… I’m just gonna stop by that little factory which I recently found out changed it’s name to JAPAN

Ugh fine it’s true Cainite. We rebranded one of our many fronts into being called Japan for the irony of producing USA goods labeled under Japan. But I can assure you that we were not behind this attack of your home. We merely sold it to an anonymous client to that even we do not know of. And unless you wish to be turned into a radiator yourself I suggest you leave now.

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Oh with what? That crummy flesh shintai? What are you gonna scare me into a radiator with a long neck? Ooh how horrifying

At least it hasn’t been folded into protean now has it?

At least we haven’t been retconned.

YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Meanwhile In Chinatown

My, my… to what do I owe the pleasure for the Sabbat Grandbishop visiting our fine court? Have you come to finally scrape off all the splattered sea slugs you’ve dotted my ceiling with the last time you visited me?

Oh you didn’t like them? I deeply apologize my Cathayan compatriot, I just thought it would fit with the rest of your humble abode. After all it’s hard to not see how a rotting slug wouldn’t fit with the rest of your “unique” interior design, Ancestress.

Ah that is true how rude of me to not appreciate a gift from you. It would be like as if a mother denied a bundle of twigs slathered in pig excrement as a Mother’s Day gift, after all I’m sure you made it to the best of your ability and capital.

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Listen here you bundle of tentacles with legs I’m only here for one thing and one thing only. Did you put that damned radiator in my haven, knowing full well I would accidentally get my swollen member caught in between the blazing hot steel cylinders? Searing my baby-arm-holding-an-apple like a cheap panini sandwich? And do not lie to me ghost person, I saw that it was made in Japan.

Japan!? My, my… has getting cancelled on twitter not taught you anything? I am Chinese, not Japanese and even then how would the origin of my country and the birthplace of some cheap heating equipment correlate to me placing it in your filthy creepy and wet home? That if I would add lacks any feng shuei. No be gone with you unless you want me to write up another fallout post and get you removed from you beloved tumblr.

Not so fast there, Mingus.

First of all: it’s pronounced Fang shooey

Second of all: yes it would be quite insensitive of me to consider that, especially after I’ve started giving Racism Insensitivity Training to the young shovel heads but I couldn’t help but notice that just down the road here a new factory had just opened up. A radiator factory nonetheless. Now it would be silly to assume you would be behind this tragedy, especially with some piece of outdated heating equipment being all the way from china. After all it’s not like we’re that close to the Middle Kingdom are we?

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…Where are you going with this Kin-Jin…

Oh nowhere really… I’m just gonna stop by that little factory which I recently found out changed it’s name to JAPAN

Ugh fine it’s true Cainite. We rebranded one of our many fronts into being called Japan for the irony of producing USA goods labeled under Japan. But I can assure you that we were not behind this attack of your home. We merely sold it to an anonymous client to that even we do not know of. And unless you wish to be turned into a radiator yourself I suggest you leave now.

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For the WoD doodles why not the most divorced couple in LA: Strauss and Andrei?

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Top 10 messy divorce moments. No way this relationship was ever healthy

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Married? Oh for the love of Caine, you can’t believe everything you read on this blasted website. I should know after funding that lie of television program featuring a socially awkward pansexual and outgoing asexual. Pah, where do such baseless rumors begin?

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They prolly saw that one video of you two, HAH! I mean, ooh-wee after seeing all those horrific things you did to him in that swing I’d assume you two would be married too! I keep forgetting that’s why he’s bald.

Agh, that damned video tape proceeds to haunt me. First in the court case and now ruining my stellar reputation on this website. I thought I paid those filthy sewer rats to destroy every upload!

Troika really had to hardcore yank Jeanette’s ‘i smoke a line of cocaine behind the Lacroix building dumpster before Fat Larry gets there’ character design to replace it with a facetuned love interest from a mid to late 2000’s edgy goth movie . u already kno some White Wolf writer mustve went back to the source material and noticed Jeanette’s busted ass face and they had to scrap that shit immediately . She was literally too ugly to allow even a trace of her original face associate w/ the masterpiece they were abt to be making . rebooted her whole ass face then gave her some volume shampoo and called it a day smh . mess

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Apologies childe I yet again swallowed a can of thermite and blew my entrails out of my chest without any safety nets. Please take this can of Gangrel flesh.

Sire, it’s whining. Are you sure it’s gangrel

Whining? Funny I don’t remember canning any TREMERE!

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Bellbottoms I’m afraid. It was the style at the time my childe. It’s a good thing I’ve burnt every last unflattering image of me from the time. When your diet was mostly the blood of highly intoxicated mortals, drunk from the many experimental narcotics new at the time you tend to have silly ideas over what constitutes as fashion. I mean have you seen the shirt collars from the time? Damned things look like ship sails.

"Bellbottoms and sail collars huh. Well, if it is some comfort to you we've all worn similar clothes back then; clan Malkavian more than others. At least we weren't the ones who made it into a trend. Nope, that was the Toreadors. Everyone was feeding off intoxicated mortals -some of us were experimenting ourselves- but those degenerates? They see someone wear their knickers on their head, they make it into a trend. As for us? We were too busy treating those 'failed experiments'. How is it that the ad used to say? Use ecstasy and you are the guinea pig. Heh. Hehehe."

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Yes truly a dark time for all those involved. Undead or otherwise. Around this time I was acting as a bishop for several packs in New York and I’m not sure what it was but something seemed to of riled the population of the fair folk. Idiots claiming to be faeries appeared in great numbers causing quite a commotion for us and the Camarilla. While your clan took its turns drinking the blood of the intoxicated some shovel head had made quite the unsettling discovery; the blood of the Fae was more potent than the strongest narcotic. Shovel heads and fledglings alike were hunting down the enchanted and draining them to achieve a silly high. Now I’ll admit I’ve done my fair share of absurd acts high off the blood of a vagabond like pants the flesh off some mortals in a park. Create a 3 car long dog and produced an episode of the Brady Bunch but I’ve never tasted the blood of a faerie as packs would tear themselves apart over what they’ve witnessed. Dragons, gorgons, talking cars even. all come across those that partake in enchanted blood. Trapped in a realm of new colors and impossible sights and Screaming for bloody release at the hand of powerful ogres in a ugly pantsuit doesn’t really sound like a good Saturday afternoon to me.

"Good gosh, Sir, did you *have*to turn our Brother into a pair of pants? Wasn't kicking them and their friends out of the apartment good enough?!" (from an exasperated @malkavian-shrink )

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This is the Sabbat childe, we must make examples of those that do not take the sword of caine as seriously as their existence. Except me though, I make pants out of them.

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Was it a nice pair of pants, at least?

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Bellbottoms I’m afraid. It was the style at the time my childe. It’s a good thing I’ve burnt every last unflattering image of me from the time. When your diet was mostly the blood of highly intoxicated mortals, drunk from the many experimental narcotics new at the time you tend to have silly ideas over what constitutes as fashion. I mean have you seen the shirt collars from the time? Damned things look like ship sails.

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Apologies childe I yet again swallowed a can of thermite and blew my entrails out of my chest without any safety nets. Please take this can of Gangrel flesh.

"Had a dream about you. You were sewing teeth into a welcoming mat and we were knitting curtains made out of hair. You had a smiile with too many eyes. It was a good dream." (from @malkavian-shrink )

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I crochet, not knit. As good as an idea that is, I like my current welcoming mat too much to just replace it out of nowhere.

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You know what? This one is pretty old. Allow me to make a new one out of Chris Pratt.