Hey so I know I’m never on here anymore and its because switching between accounts is a pain and I have another account entirely so that I can have a main blog art blog-- but I’m on there a lot more often now and have a secondary personal account attached to that one called @clover-and-spice so if you want to follow me there you’re way more likely to catch me
Also for those who dont know my art account is @pivlywhip
Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like:
“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?”
“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.”
“…Noted.”
“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.”
“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”
“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”
“Yeah.”
“Does such a process not hurt?”
“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.”
“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?”
“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?”
“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.”
I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs.
Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues
I will forever be profoundly unimpressed with people who take pride in their unkindness to others
Hard. Fucking. Same.
Because of inflation, every year minimum wage stays the same is actually another year minimum wage decreases.
my personal fav anxiety is “i’m in the wrong place” anxiety that isn’t alleviated until u see someone that u know should also be in the same place as u
Related: “I got the time/day wrong” anxiety. Same rules for alleviation.
“Class/the meeting/etc. got cancelled and I’m the only gone who didn’t get the email”: The thrilling conclusion to the trilogy. Same rules for alleviation.
some more of my favorite selections from the gift that is pat’s twitter
I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired
someone: it’s okay! you tried your best!!
me, with no idea of what my best even looks like anymore:
42,000 matches .
when it all turned black with only a little fire on the side it looked like a hole burning into reality
It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-
Hermione ghost wrote this
truly impressive how d&d persuades so many people to willingly participate in both math AND improv, two things that most of the population goes out of their way to avoid
Series edit: Princess Tutu
“A story’s birth is a sudden event. The start, a happy accident. The end, the fate for which it was meant. A story that never ends is a cruel thing.”
I just remembered why I shouldn't read long form shojo manga: I almost always like the second lead better.
so if you remember last november- I said I was working on a TAZ project that came to nothing! this was what I was doing! i decided to stop working on it because i think i improved so much in those months I was doing it that the styles just look weird next to each other- plus other amazing artists had already done it! but i credit a lot of my improvement to this project so it felt weird just sitting on my computer. so— here! (oh also i have my editing notes in here- so enjoy that insight lol)
“the world has become such a soft safe space where you can’t speak freely” is a good way to reveal you spend a majority of your time on the internet. a customer came in today and told me that the illuminati framed bill cosby and it was my fault and i just had to be like OK sir cash or credit
author: so in this world there are immortal fire-breathing dragons
everybody: cool!
author: also half the army is female
everybody: um, isn’t that a bit unrealistic? :/
author: there are a dozen+ sentient species including orcs, elves, and entities that should be dead but somehow aren’t
everybody: cool!
author: and a lot of them are poc
everybody: how does that? make sense?
author: alright, so people can pretty much rewrite the laws of reality by thinking about it hard enough, so anything is possible
everybody: makes sense
author: also several of the characters are not straight
everybody: what else even is there?
