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A Better Version

@betterversion--ofme / betterversion--ofme.tumblr.com

...of me. Almost everything is queued. Immigrant. Leftist. Hella bi. They/them.

FOOD HUBRIS BY COUNTRY america: believes their shitty local burger chain is a once-in-a-lifetime culinary experience because their mayo includes onion paste canada: if your poutine tastes better than the styrofoam plate it comes on you will discover the cold rage that lies under the canadian's polite exterior united kingdom: despite thriving and unique fusion cuisines spreading from the UK to the rest of the world in recent decades, when asked to think of 'british food' the average UK citizen will start a fight over whether cold beans with a modest side of white bread is haute cuisine france: McDo Ortolan Bunting italy: extremely mad about american versions of italian food. blissfully ignorant of what happens in brazil brazil: if the scientific genius applied to making cronenbergian pizzas were applied to anything else, brazilians would all be commuting to jobs on the moon. They have pizza that can feel pain russia: obviously mayonnaise is the perfect topping for all foodstuffs, this is solved. The question is what to put on top of mayonnaise, and it might never be answered germany: less a joke than a fact: the single most produced numbered Volkswagen part is a standardized currywurst

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VOLKSWAGEN CURRYWURST IS REAL IM FLIPPING OUT

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What's that poem about the cockroach and the moth where the cockroach is like "I wish I've ever wanted anything the way that moth wanted to burn itself up in that lantern" because we had to read that in high school and it still fucks me up to this day

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Ok I found it it's called "the lesson of the moth by archy" and it's by Don Marquis

archy and mehitabel are a treasure, newspaper columnist Don Marquis wrote a lot of these free-verse poems in character as a cockroach named archy (always lowercase because he's a cockroach and can't reach the shift key!!) who was using his typewriter & while it started out as a way of poking gentle fun at the avant-garde poetry of his time (the 1910s - startling how little "avant-garde poetry" has moved forward, isn't it) it evolved over time into some genuinely beautiful and moving poetry

ALSO many of them have illustrations by Krazy Kat author George Herriman which are frankly iconic and adorable!!

the r/curatedtumblr -> tumblr migration is so funny to me. it's like going to the zoo and enjoying it so much you climb into the enclosure to live with the monkeys

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my mom finally bought a toaster

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why did this get notes

we’re happy for you

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its just a toaster

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it’s been three years since i made this post. stop congratulating me on the toaster! stop asking me how the new toaster is doing!! i don’t know!! i haven’t lived with my mom in almost a year! i haven’t seen that toaster in months!! she might even have a new new toaster now!!! who knows!? not me!

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@egberts how’s the toaster?

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well the 10 year update to this saga is that I don’t talk to my mom and I have my own toaster 👍 don’t let your dreams be dreams

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me when i'm happy: i deserve a little treat

me when i'm sad: fuck it i deserve a little treat

me when i'm neutral: you know what'd make this day so much better........a lil treat

Kinda crazy how my first cellphone didn't have a camera or internet and 17 years later this thing knows more about me than I do and gives people brand new mental ilnesses.

my parents: "We bought you a cellphone so you can contact us if your bike gets a flat tire on your way to school!"

Cursed Artifact (common item) has been added to your inventory

Anonymous asked:

How can I be more disciplined? I can’t seem to make myself do the things I know i need to do in order to move forward and to be better

It goes like this: Caffeine, b12, omega 3, pomodoro, modafinil, racetams, bromantane, amphetamine, methamphetamine, psilocybin, intermittent fasting, infrared sauna, ketogenic diet, cold exposure, cbd, meditation, validation-seeking, artificial deadlines, thc, habit formation, dopamine detox, manifestation, variable interval reward, looksmaxxing, betrayal, disillusionment, poetry about death, sigil magic, learning the rules, embracing the pain, absence of fear, final boss, rewriting the rules, confession, submission, sublimation

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Anonymous asked:

How can I be more disciplined? I can’t seem to make myself do the things I know i need to do in order to move forward and to be better

It goes like this: Caffeine, b12, omega 3, pomodoro, modafinil, racetams, bromantane, amphetamine, methamphetamine, psilocybin, intermittent fasting, infrared sauna, ketogenic diet, cold exposure, cbd, meditation, validation-seeking, artificial deadlines, thc, habit formation, dopamine detox, manifestation, variable interval reward, looksmaxxing, betrayal, disillusionment, poetry about death, sigil magic, learning the rules, embracing the pain, absence of fear, final boss, rewriting the rules, confession, submission, sublimation

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Grizzly 399 is so cool! I went to her Wikipedia page intending to screenshot interesting facts about her, but I would really recommend you go check out the whole thing for yourself.

Grizzly 399 lives in close proximity to humans but has never caused problems or attacked a human - she has taught her many cubs important skills like looking both ways before crossing the road. She has had more triplets than is normal for grizzlies, and is far better at keeping triplets alive than less experienced mothers.

She had 22 progeny, (though not all survived) including Grizzly 610, who in 2011 adopted one of 399’s triplets along with her own two cubs. 399 previously went viral on social media for keeping her quadruplets alive through two seasons, despite bear cubs only having a 55% survival rate.