We’ve heard about the seeming contrast of creators that make these super happy saccharine pieces of art being bitter people whose lives seem to be filled with agony whereas horror creators that thrive in the grotesque all seem to be super happy and positive people, the usual “Miyazaki Hayao vs Itou Junji” kinda beat.

There’s a similar, slightly overlapping dynamic between cuisine and blacksmithing. Chefs are the single angriest existences in the world and would piss on your grave seconds after stuffing your freshly gutted corpse in it. Blacksmiths are jovial, usually quiet dudes that work machinery and think your dagger is still very cool even if it’s got some balance issues.

Now, of course this is making reference to the Ramsay style of food shows, which is not the universal experience when it comes to the genre – I’m more of a Cutthroat Kitchen kind of guy, because I like Mario Party – but it’s always fun to me to go through an episode of Hell’s Kitchen where Ramsay annihilates his own vocal chords screaming “FUCKING DONKEY” and “IT’S RAW”, then right after, watch some old Forged In Fire and see the Filipino weapon master, Marcaida, test a short sword one of the contestants made and it fucking explodes into shards without nary a scratch on the pig’s carcass, obviously the shittiest weapon you could possibly make, damascus steel shards flying embedded in his arm, and he’ll calmly, with his signature friendly smile, lovable demeanor, and charismatic gait, face the contestant and be like

“Well, you see, Bob, your blade unfortunately suffered a catastrophic malfunction, and it can’t be tested any further. However, the handle on your weapon allowed for some very good balance and ease of swing, it fits my palm perfectly and it swings very easy. Despite the blade fracturing in 7 uneven fragments, we can see that the blade didn’t chip or roll at all. Good work, Bob” then they’ll shake on it and Bob is eliminated, and all he’ll say is “I’m sorry to have punctured 4 blood vessels on Marcaida, but end of the day, the other smiths were simply better, and I’m proud of them. I just gotta go and work on my fundamentals back at home now :)” meanwhile Hell’s Kitchen’s contestants are having a shootout with Glocks in their dorm because someone made fun of someone else’s raw scallops. 

as a teen I was such an expert gaslighter it's insane one time a friend sent me a prank file saying it was an Ocarina of Times rom hack. It shut down my computer while we were on Skype. Now the thing is, my connection was shite and I was known to disconnect out of nowhere already. When I got back up, instead of acting angry or anything I thanked him and said that it was fucking amazing. I even shared screen and it showed a completely black screen because of course, I'm a black cat with technologies and it wasn't the first time either. The guy was trying to convince me I was pranked so fucking hard and I was like "...no???? It's literally just a game?????" and he ended up opening the file himself to see what was up, shutting down his computer

this should NOT have been believable but for some reasons everyone assumes I'm too good to lie and I'm a very honest person but the truth is I lied all the times and constantly got away with it thanks to my innocent :3 face and genuine social anxiety making me look fragile like a baby bird fallen off the nest

Old, but still relevant

climbs up to ur window with a trans flag held gingerly between my teeth like a rose

#gomez addams

genuinely yeah this exactly

i hate the “on average a user only sees 25 posts per session so they have to be good and varied” bullshit on that staff post. if i open tumblr and the 25 posts i see are nothing but a single mutual mass reblogging their favourite thing that i couldn’t care less about. well. that’s what i enjoy

If my beloved mutual needed to reblog a thing 25 times then by all things sacred I am going to read it once and then scroll past it 24 times as they intended me to!

an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

i have some too

The stories of women in my family who were forced into lives they didn’t want and didn’t utilize their passions breaks my heart. My grandma wanted to be a journalist and write about the injustices she saw inflicted on disabled ppl while she was volunteering at a state run institution as a teen. Her father decided that she was “too fat and stupid” for college and forced her to get married at 17 or else he’d make her homeless. As a kid she told me that she wished people believed that she had meaningful opinions on events around her. One of my great grandmothers wanted to be an artist but was pressured into marrying a man who beat her. She stayed up late each night when her children were in bed writing poetry and pasting it over elaborate collages she mad herself. We still have stacks of these notebooks she created but was never allowed to do anything with. My mother wanted to be an operatic singer and was considered a musical prodigy in her town because she taught herself three seperate instruments by 13. When she was 18 she met my then 30 year old father who emotionally manipulated her into giving up her dreams to start a family with him. As a kid I would hear her up at night playing the violin or doing vocal exercises until she became too depressed to practice anymore. Like idk y’all there’s a quiet type of violence in the way women’s talents are devalued and brushed aside in favor of bullying them into “traditional” roles that ultimately don’t fulfill what they wanted for their lives. We’ve lost so much art, music, writing, science, and happiness to misogyny.

if it was 2012 you guys would be shipping barbie and oppenheimer

Im so lucky my niece got the glider thing before offering to let me play bc I was so terribly terrible at judging whether something was a cliff and kept walking off into sheer drops, constantly having to catch myself with the glider. And whenever a Big Guy would go "!" I would run and then turn back to make sure they were chasing me and of course they were chasing me, and I'd usually look back in time to get crushed by a boulder and die. Did that five or six times. I love bideogame

ngl I thought this was about real life until I saw the tags and I was sooo confused

small towns are just like that

so true

Im so lucky my niece got the glider thing before offering to let me play bc I was so terribly terrible at judging whether something was a cliff and kept walking off into sheer drops, constantly having to catch myself with the glider. And whenever a Big Guy would go "!" I would run and then turn back to make sure they were chasing me and of course they were chasing me, and I'd usually look back in time to get crushed by a boulder and die. Did that five or six times. I love bideogame

ngl I thought this was about real life until I saw the tags and I was sooo confused

Latvian mushroom map 🍄🌿

I've wanted to make an illustration like this for ages, and I finally did! :^)

not to be nsfw on main, but like

I kinda wanna walk into an active construction site without the proper ppe

wait no go away no reboggling cease

Achievement Unlocked:

10k notes, to me

Sorry OP, but the post is a banger

Achievement Unlocked:

Containment class: Safe

Fail to make a post breach containment

THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM

FOLLOWERS:

KILL

HEY NOW

They said 10k post.

can't really argue with that logic..

always blows my mind as a european when people talk about states like “yeah theres nothing in ohio/montana/wyoming/etc” because i look at a map like but. but theyre so big. every state could qualify as its own country what do you mean theres nothing there. and then i ask people from those states and theyre like “yeah theres nothing here” what do you mean theres nothing there!!!

What’s in the steppes of Russia, or the northern forests of Scandinavia? What’s in the Sahara desert?

id like us to sit here and identify some key differences between the sahara desert and ohio for a moment

as a former Ohio resident I think that the key difference is that the sahara probably has more jobs unrelated to meth

untapped meth market in the depths of the sahara desert

listen. men covered in their own blood. women covered in other people's blood. it's not difficult

this is so nostalgic. tumblr rolls out something terrible. everyone complains. it breaks several people's dashboards. for some reason it only rolls out to a few people at a time with seemingly no warning. the community collectively and immediately searches for a browser extension that undoes the change. i know we've all gotten burnt out on all social media sucking but this is genuinely The tumblr experience. everyone who hasn't gotten it already gets an achievement. welcome to the club

actually, im glad this post got notes

everybody in the notes going "but THIS TIME it's an objectively terrible choice/a bigger deal/a cash grab!!": first time in the clown car huh

apparently making a building out of flesh and blood and bone makes people "uncomfortable" and "grossed out" and "terrified" instead of welcomed and at home because they can relate to the space around them. humans are so fucking weird

but at times we saw the moon

instagram post: *video of a woman gently encouraging a hesitant child to go down a slide*

the first comment: this woman is violently pressuring her child to do something that they are clearly terrified to do, children should NEVER have to do anything they don't want to do, this kid is being abused and will grow up to hate their mother i hope someone calls cps on her

the second comment: kids are so thin skinned these days if it were my kid i would push it down the slide and laugh at it if it cried. this is the only way we will win the culture war

the third comment: she should have used a condom. this would make a great condom ad. no one cares that someone came in you. kids are not human. i hate kids so much.

the fourth comment: DM ME """HELP""" 🤝💪😤 I AM PAYING OFF DEBT OF FIRST 5 🎉 TO DM 💯💯💵💵 DON'T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY 😍