This is hands down the best tik tok ever made.

mAM dOES yOUR hUSBAND HAVE NIPPLES

A universal experience.

[Transcription: all speech in the video is auto-tuned]

Story time: I’m a vet tech and one time I was [???] this lady for an appointment with her little dog who was covered in bugs

I searched this dog high and low for bugs, couldn’t find a single one

I said ma’am can you please point out these bugs to me

She said oh my gosh can’t you see them they’re right on his belly

She showed me her dog’s nipples and proceeded to try to rip them off

I said ma’am no stop

Those are his nipples

She said

There’s no way, he’s a boy

I said ma’am that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have nipples

Those are definitely his nipples, notice how they’re so symmetrical

She said no way, he’s a boy I said

Ma’am doesn’t your husband have nipples

I add vet tech storytime….lady brings in a kitten, terribly concerned he’s got a cold or asthma or something…he’s always making this alarming sound in his chest but he’s so active and affectionate and loves to snuggle. Neither her or her husband have ever had a cat before, so she just wants to make sure they get everything right and take good care of their newest family member.

I pet the kitten as I give this lady pamphlets and a personalized Cat Owner 101 lesson.

The kitten is leaving a great time, nearly comatose with happy in my lapm

She goes “That’s it!! That’s the sound!! What’s wrong with him?! If there’s anything we can do, we’ll do it! He’s my son’s best friend, we love him!”

I stare at her helplessly, fighting every impulse because this woman is so genuine in her love and concern for this, the first cat her family has ever experienced.

“Ma'am,” I say, so, SO gently.

“Ma'am, he’s purring. It means you’re making him happy.”

the video was sO FUNNY and then the last reply melted my entire heart

it’s been a few days and he loves it

Saw a tiktok abt Apollo turning his exes into flowers and Persephone's like "wtf dude" so I thought of this:

Apollo, holding his deceased lover now in the form of a flower behind his back: Heyy Persephone! Noticed you're back from the underworld, just wanted to check in-

Persephone: Another one?

Apollo: Whaaaat? What do you mean "another one"? Another what-

Persephone: C'mon, show me.

Apollo, handing Persephone the flower: ...take care of them, okay?

Persephone: I will, I promise. *buries the flower in a flower bed dedicated to Apollo's exes.*

ballads in eurovision

The juries are sooo fucking dumb and also everyone who voted to give Sweden like 200 audience points, why do you hate fun

My final message to the world

just so we are all clear on my position

I think now that queens dead they should have her stuffed and put on display in Cairo for the next 150 years.

BLAZE REJECTED MY POST WOW LOL

We'll make sure at least 100k people see it for free then.

if you’re having a bad day, here’s a cute little marching band

this actually made me cry with joy also one of them is eating noodles

It just keeps going and getting better. *^^*

Me two minutes ago: “cry with joy? an animation of cats playing instruments made someone cry with joy?”

Me now: (sobs into a tissue) “OH MY GOD THAT ONE IS PLAYING TWO RECORDERS AT THE SAME TIME” (blows nose)

CAT PARADE IS BACK

there are SO MANY cute little details in this

So I was looking for the full version of this video cause i always get sad when this one cuts off the ending and–

not only has the original creator made an HD version,

they also made a reanimated “deluxe” version! with even more cute easter eggs! 

(Image description: four images in shades of red, pink, orange, and white with white text that reads "Respect lesbian trans women. Lesbian trans women belong in the lesbian community. Lesbian trans women are wonderful. Lesbian trans women are real and valid lesbians.")

girls be “like im fighting demons” and the demon is a degree they chose for themselves

attention, d&d dorks

yada yada rb to get a bigger sample size, you know the drill

Persephone: queen of the underworld, goddess of spring, the dead, the underworld, destruction, life, grain, and nature.

I’ve been seeing a lot of anti-Nazi ones, which is great, but I felt like we needed one to show our support for the Jewish community.  

all you goyim I follow - I see you reblogging this and it warms me.

Le Figaro have a newly published photograph from inside Notre Dame shortly before the roof collapsed, as molten lead fell into the nave. (+)

This is what I love about photojournalism. It is just a history of moments where human beings have gone “I know I should really be hauling ass out of here but I have to get a picture of this”

Every now and then I'm reminded Real People with Actual Jobs use tumblr and I've always been legitimately curious what all you weird adults are up to when you're not on this site and with tumblr's New Poll Feature I can finally get an answer! (or the closest approximation of an answer possible with only 10 available options h a)

#lost in a fugue of penis delerium