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rien special

@bellamsmith

SADTOTHECORE
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ladies and gentlemen, we remembered the password 😳😜

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did i? haven’t had the time, nor do i ever. bullshit but said softly to the untrained ears of children. they have no idea. this means nothing but how can nothingness come to be? it’s fucked me over. what have i chosen. chosen wrongly. my thought process is not how it used to be. but then again how was it. i can’t remember. daily thoughts with fleeting memories. i thought you were there for me. it’s all lies.

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Am i just like the rest, longing for the fleeting seconds where i know i am lusted by men?

Why is that ingrained in my mind? Why can't i be me with yellow flavored feelings towards life?

Why can't people get that? Why do they have to love grey so much?A dirty grey at that. A grey puddle which passers spit on and dispose of their items with no use.

Where in the world is the world?

Arms find their way to uncharted waters on the uncrossable, unfamiliar sea of me. Blues of polluted yet visible waters fill my nose. I taste his thoughts. Its bitter, lukewarm, white milk.

No head rushes like the films but the sense of “the book was better.” But i don't mind. I never do. I dont care. Don't think i will here.

Just for now, for the evening, for 20 minutes. Then it's over forever. Its as if we are strangers.

But wait, what's your name?

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I didn't even know you. You and your blond hair. Me in my dangerous top. I didn't dare turn around, the anxiety killed me.

It was just me and you lost.

No language required.

Just your transparent eyes and your lust for discovery of silver and sticky dark purple sensations.

I felt nothing towards you, and in a way that makes me sad, depressed even. doesn’t even matter. i’m fine. it’s all dandy. love you but hate your intentions. in a way you repulse me. same time next week?

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reblogged

I spent today watching all of Sherlock season 4 and I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach repeatedly and slapped in the face a few times for good measure.