aphnid era has ended

There are limitations to how much horsepower you can safely run on the street. Lots of people will happily tell you this “fact” when you reveal that your car makes a little more power than a boring commuter car. Where are you going to use all that juice, they ask, when you are stuck in traffic?

It’s a valid question, if you are some kind of loser dipshit. The turbocharger isn’t for when I’m stuck in traffic. No, that shit is for merging. In order to understand the correct tactical application of nearly one freight locomotive’s worth of artificially supplemented airflow, you must first know the mind of the asshole trying (whether deliberately or not) to block my merge.

My opponent – and make no mistake, anyone blocking my merge even for a millisecond is in opposition to my goals and entire way of life – believes that my rusty shitbox is slow, noisy, and smoky. They think that if I get in front of them, the front end of their car will be showered with oil and fragments of piston rings. This is a reasonable belief, mostly because it’s true, but there is also a classism behind this that I find infuriating. How dare this person with a ratty looking car get ahead of me in traffic.

So you see, putting one-thousand-five-hundred brake horsepower of air from a one-hundred-eighty-dollar eBay turbocharger the size of a bull elephant into a wheezing smog-era Mopar engine is essential to reverse this attitude. The sight of my shrieking Plymouth reaching Mach Five in the road length of a gnat’s dick while sounding like a diesel locomotive on methamphetamine is a Teachable Moment about egalitarianism, and our collective obligation as human beings to achieve the maximum level of happiness for one another. Also, fuck that guy. Enjoy wiping aerosolized head gaskets off your windshield.

Have you heard about this new scam the banks have going? No, I don’t mean all of global capitalism, because that will just take too long to write about in this word hole. What I’m talking about is the purchase of distressed debt.

When someone can’t pay their student debt, or health debt, or student lunch debt, the faceless institution who gave them the money will eventually give up on getting them to pay it. They turn around and sell the rights to that debt to some other faceless institution, one that can afford to put a little more effort into it. Eventually, they give up too, and turn around and sell the bad debt in a big soup of other bad debt to some other, even more vicious asshole, who will turn a profit if they can collect, like, seventeen bucks of it, because that’s what they paid.

On the face of it, this is kind of insulting. How can someone who paid seventeen bucks for your debt turn around and demand that you give them fifty grand for that university degree that taught you several French words for “butthole” but couldn’t help you find a job or even a grad student position? If you think about it a little more, however, this is a grand opportunity. A lot of well-meaning individuals are buying up this debt… and then forgiving it. If you can buy $50k worth of student debt for $17, ripping that shit up will give you a lot more than $17 worth of good karma. Which will maybe convince the universe to give you that small little bit of an edge the next time you need it – negotiating for a good deal on a shitbox, blowing past a state trooper doing a large integer multiple of the speed limit, or getting into some dicey times with a malevolent operator of a logging truck while you’re working on your first screenplay.

Correcting the impulses of usurious monsters sounded like a good idea to get into, in order to benefit the human race. Unfortunately, yours truly is not exactly a fiscal mastermind, and the Banking Types can see him coming from a mile away. Even if I were to hose off the old man stench and hair from a Brooks Brothers suit I found at Goodwill, they’d know instantly that it’s not this year’s style and clam up. This is, of course, where the ominously-named proxy corporation comes in. My shark of an attorney, Max, set one up for me just for the purpose of buying debt, and then doing the corporate equivalent of shitting itself to death. For just a few bucks that I would otherwise have spent on old Plymouths, I helped a couple people out with their struggles.

Did I do it for a good reason? No. Am I telling you this to brag about it? Absolutely not. Is this a big, complicated story, intended to distract you from writing that ticket just long enough for my accomplice to finish cutting the transmission out of your patrol cruiser? You’ll have a lot of time on the walk home to think about it, officer.

Why Hawaii needs a break from tourism — perspective from local resident palanichang on tiktok

we can argue about queer rep in media until the heat death of the universe (and we will!) but u gotta admit: when someone says ‘the gay pirate show’ or ‘the gay vampire show’ or ‘the cartoon with the girlfriends with magic powers’ and you have to say “which one?” it feels pretty good

People keep tagging this with shows that are not the shows I was thinking of when I wrote this, which is wonderful.

A small example of how my father really talks

I like how teens are too young to figure out their sexuality unless its heterosexual

Idk how people find this old post like once a week but I will say as a closeted 15 year old nothing can describe how much confidence it gave me that everyone agreed with me. That it’s all bullshit. I was so angry and frustrated at the world not taking me seriously, and the thousands and thousands of people reblogging showed me that I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t crazy and heteronormativity is all bullshit. Being queer is as natural as breathing air.

your fresh piercings love lake water they need it to grow and thrive

i feel like if vane found out flint was gay, he would feel personally victimized that flint expressed no interest in him. like even if vane had no interest in men at all he'd be like why doesn't he want me ?!?! i'm the hottest guy on this fucking island! my shirt is always off and i oil up my chest every morning

I hate the trope of "I refuse to hit women!! [Gets decked]" cause it's boring but I do like the trope of someone in an RPG going "hey I don't wanna hit a kid that's kinda fucked up" and the kid just obliterates them

"i refuse to hit a woman!" = Sexist, overdone, does nothing to actually empower the woman or make the guy seem nice

"I refuse to hit a kid" = valid, even funnier when the kid whips absolutely ass in one go

The ONLY exception to this is Mob Psycho where it's a kid vs woman fight, in which the kid doesn't want to hit a woman because he has been told that only scumbags hit women. And then the lady pauses the fight to explain this is a different situation and he's not bad for defending himself.

Then he proceeds to whip ass in one go.

i hope the 11 year old transmascs of the world arent on social media i hope theyre playing outside in the dirt

i also hope all the 11 year old transfemmes arent on social media and are also out playing in the dirt

real i hope they r playing together and having a blast and also that none of them own phones

if u american hozier fans like butchered tongue may i direct your attention to

was chatting w/ my mom who works with kids about how creepypastas that were popular when i was 12 have only become moreso, and she hit me with ‘ugh i know they won’t stop telling me about jeffrey the serial killer.’

imagine a big stuffy east indian merchant captain in his frilly blue jacket and his gay creamy cravat and his unfortunately cool tricorn cap and his too tight trousers and his manly high heels. let me know when you've done this ok?

okay now what. he’s stealing all my herbs and spices out of the kitchen cabinet

ok cool so next imagine you have a very big knife

sorry. what the fuck was that?

he gaggy on my rogers until I whoopsy-doo

heres a midi of hips dont lie with a banjo as the vocals

i cant believe this

this sounds like it belongs in a legend of zelda game

I’m totally serious when I say I absolutely love this I’ve listened to it like twelve times now it’s fantastic 10/10

Click reblog as soon as the banjo came in. That is amazing.

I have missed this post

….it actually does sound like LoZ music 

just imagine 

link dancing to this

I love this so much

IT BACK

@normaljanitor @loftwing-pursuit

This post never gets old

Zelda Heritage Post