Hand mixers and Sewing Machines are Two different Types of horses
These are wild animals… Untamed Stallions…
They respond well to a confident handler, but they can smell fear and will act up if they don’t respect you. Other horses include printers and hot glue guns.
I like this because I think according to these parameters, my Kitchenaid stand mixer is a domesticated bison
I know this is going to make me sound pretensions but I have to get it off my chest. I feel an unimaginable rage when someone posts a photo and is like “this picture looks like a renaissance painting lol” when the photo clearly has the lighting, colors and composition of a baroque or romantic painting. There are differences in these styles and those differences are important and labeling every “classical” looking painting as renaissance is annoying and upsetting to me. And anytime I come across one of those posts I have to put down my phone and go take a walk because they make me so mad
In case you’re curious here’s what I mean.
Renaissance(distinct lines, stability and the individual man):
Baroque (bold, chaotic, dramatic):
Romantic(romanticize the simple hard working life):
Do you see the difference?
op is a vampire who painted works in all of these times
baroque gif
look i get that sometimes characters dying is like good for the story or whatever but consider. i want them all to be alive and have family dinners together. check and mate
horror movie where the goth/punk character escapes the killer by being too spiky to be mauled or stabbed effectively, like those sheep herding dogs with spiked anti-wolf collars
Years on the internet and somehow i still click on comments sections with the insanely optimistic idea that I'll learn something new instead of being subjected to the dumbest motherfuckers online typing like their sole purpose in life is to make me want to end mine
"Wow, what an interesting post! I want to see what sort of fascinating discourse is being generated by the idea posited by the original poster" <- Me, operating under levels of delusion yet unexplained by modern science
"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted
here’s the thing about adulthood-
you will go for like three months with nothing happening and you’re bored as hell and then in the span of two weeks eight different things happen at once - some fantastic and some shitty and some just plain bonkers - and you’re just running around like a chicken with your head cut off and no clue what the fuck is going on
dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning
so who’s on first?
That’s right 👍🏻
that’s strange
No, he’s on second.
Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?
No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.
Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?
Naturally.
Naturally.
So Naturally is the first baseman?
No. The first baseman is Who.
Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?
House is on Third.
I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.
Who’s on first!
This is horrible
Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base
That’s not what I’m asking about! No!
Dr No is in the outfield, but let’s not worry about them right now.
*applauds wildly*
please do not mistake a small group of people on the internet doing something stupid, or something that makes you mad trending with 100-1000 tweets, for an urgent and widespread social issue. it’ll make you mean, complacent, and easy to manipulate before you realize it
also… if you see someone complaining about or arguing against an absurd position, that doesn’t always mean that the thing they’re complaining about exists or is common. lots of people use social media to win the arguments they have with themselves in the shower
why do i have a document that is just half a sentence i do not even remotely remember the context
You were briefly possessed by victor hugo
romanticizing your life is such a powerful tool and it’s a shame that it’s mostly used by people on tiktok to justify the purchase of expensive breakfast smoothies when there are few better ways to force oneself through unpleasant shit than imagining a cinematic backstory for your extremely quotidian suffering
finding the strength to walk home from the library at 3am in the freezing rain by imagining yourself as a Napoleonic soldier hightailing it from Moscow in 1813
Why Wayne got socks in the jacuzzi
those are his hooves you bitch
This post changed us fundamentally
if you set off a rube goldberg type death trap to kill someone, if it's a long enough machine, it ceases to become your fault if somebody dies at the end. that's how I've gotten away with it all these years, and why I'm still going to heaven.
