It’s been a while since I’ve posted to this account but I really need help. Even if it’s just a reblog. My best friends dog died and was left with huge medical bills. He had a blockage in his stomach and during surgery they found a hole in his heart. His body couldnt handle the stress of the surgery. Please reblog or donate if you can.

2 years, 4ish months

So, its been a pretty long time and thats for a lot of reasons. One being that i truly suck at maintaining anything and another reason being that nothing much has changed. Until now. Ive randomly acquired a very terrible bout of dysphoria. It hasnt been this bad in a long time and hit me out of nowhere. My girlfriend thinks it may be because im losing weight and my changing body has triggered something but its bad again and its getting in the way of so much... i had non stop anxiety attacks while at school from 8am to 7pm and it didnt stop when i got home either. I cant shake this miserable feeling. Its so fucking hard especially because this hasnt happened in so long.

I don't think we realize just how much we have changed until we take a step back to look at who we used to be. 2 years on T.

2 years on T; blood?

If you're sensitive to bleeding and shark week as an ftm this post may be a little triggering. I'm sorry for not posting frequently, I just hit 2 years on T a few days ago and it's been a ride to say the least. It's been hard for me to keep up with my shots due to anxiety even with the subcutaneous injection but i do sometimes go up to 3 weeks without injecting (I'm supposed to inject every week) because of this so this can lead to a lot of issues. One which occurred over the week. I should mention that in April my dose got upped to .4 instead of .25 because I had been on such a low dose for so long. Aside from the acne coming around... I noticed that because I had missed my shot for 2 weeks that when i finally did my shot, I started bleeding. Mind you the bleeding itself wasn't a lot. Emotionally, it was hell but the amount in itself was very little but it hurt so horribly that I had to sit down in the middle of just walking. I had never run into this problem before when missing shots but I'm guessing because of the higher dose my body is reacting to it more. So here is a warning, missing your shot can apparently result in the dreaded return of "shark week" even just briefly but I know it's a very harmful experience, especially being 2 years into a transition where it should no long occur at all.

1 year 10 months

So, everything's been pretty much the same. My facial continues to grow in so very slowly. It began so quickly I was sure by now I'd have atleast small bits everywhere buts it's mostly stayed towards the outside. I want to try minoxidil and see how that goes. I'm also starting on a fitness journey. I go to the gym 3 times a week right now, and i think the t has definitely helped with building muscle mass. I see my doctor in 2 weeks and might ask about minoxidil because some of the side effects some people have seem terrible. But I really want to try it because some transguys results are outstsnding.

1: Probably pre-t 2: Almost 1 year 9 months

19 months on T

It's been a long time and it's hard to keep up with this blog sometimes but here we go. My facial hair is beginning to fill in a lot more. It started at the side burns and under chin and is slowly working it's way into a full beard. I have a little bit of cheek space and my chin left to grow in. The darkness and thickness of the hair grows in the same way. On that note, I didn't shave during November and wow did my hair look thick and dark. It was a little harder to maintain because of the length but it looked great. I'm just now starting to have acne issues? But it all seems to be around my back and shoulders. Face acne hasn't been an issue still. Maybe one or two small zits, although sometimes they might be ingrown hairs from the beard sprouting through My voice still seems to be getting deeper, at least that's what those around me are saying but I haven't personally noticed. My head hair grows a lot faster. Which I'm not sure if that's an effect of T but it's happening at an alarming rate. I have to trim my hair atleast 2 or 3 times a month. Alot of research shows that t lowers your immune system but over the past 19 months I've gone from getting strep throat 6 times a year to not having gotten it at all in the past 19 months. I've seemed to develop lactose intolerance? Again, not sure if the two are related nor how they would be related but it's a strange coincidence. I haven't had my shark week in over a year but I still frequently get cramps. Which if you've been following me for maybe 17 months or more you'd know that I've had really bad daily cramps since about a month in. There was no.medical explanation for this, atleast from my endo... I sweat a lot still and my body temperature is still constantly high. This is to the point where I can forego a blanket at night while my girlfriend needs 3... The subcutaneous injections are still a success but I still find difficulty remembering to do my shot. I feel like it's partly because I don't get shot anxiety anymore so I just don't remember that I have to do it.

Sometimes I like to think that I'm a model. 16 months on t.

The strangest thing (but also the most fun thing) about when my voice started to deepen on testosterone is that, now, whenever I talk, I feel the depth in my voice vibrate in my body. When I sit on benches, the people next to me can feel the bench vibrate with every word I speak. It gave me a new sense of self but also made me feel like I finally had power behind my voice. As though, when I speak now, I finally have the power to be heard and the power to want to be heard. And so to say transitioning changes nothing, is a lie. It changes a lot of things, especially your voice in more ways than one.

It's been a while...

At this point I'm 1 year and 3 months on testosterone. And sometimes I miss my t shots. I basically take it every other week out of sheer forgetfulness which I think about when I'm not seeing the results as quickly as I want to because my dumbass forgets my shot and so of course it won't be as fast as I want it. A few things I've learned, - your dysphoria doesn't magically go away. That's what I thought when I first started t was that one day I'd wake up and the dysphoria would be gone. But my chest dysphoria is always bad and that will.likely be a problem until I can get top surgery. Which God knows when that will happen. - when they say hair pops up everywhere... they mean everywhere. I had to shave my hands because my watch would get caught and rip the hair. - bottom dysphoria, if you didn't have it before, it may pop up. - my changes are pretty stagnant. Beard hair is filling in from the outside in. This is to say it started as side burns and under chin and are now working in towards the chin and along the cheek to meet my moustache. Everyone's growth is different but that's how mine is growing. - the rest of my hair in general keeps getting darker and thicker and I'm starting to get chest hair, so that's odd. - aside from mostly hairy stuff, my body hasn't really changed much at all. My voice may have gotten deeper but I don't really track that anymore in all honesty. I feel more like myself when I look at my face in the mirror, but my body still doesn't feel like what it's supposed to be, again this mainly focuses on the chest dysphoria. Sorry I haven't updated in so long, if I can't remember my shot half the time, it's hard to remember to maintain this blog. I hope you're all doing well and feel free to message me if you'd like.

I’m a year on T and I feel like I figured that the testosterone would magically fix my self image problems. Yet, it feels like a big problem of mine is following other trans guys on Tumblr and seeing their progress at the stage that I’m at, and them being so much further. I get so jealous and depressed. Especially the guys that are a year on T and have already had top surgery. I really want that. I just really want to have top surgery and I feel like I would feel more complete. I want to have the amazing beards that people on 1 year on t have. I realize that with t, the changes depend on the person but idk how not to feel depressed when I see people who are also a year on T, having so much more success in their transitions especially in regards to surgery. Like, my insurance will never cover surgery, and I feel like I will never be able to afford it. It’s just so fucking depressing to not be able to see surgery in your future because it is so fucking expensive but it is also so fucking necessary and especially health insurance companies refuse to see that.

1 year on T

I haven't updated in a long time. This is partly because nothing major has happened in regards to changes while being on testosterone and I've also been buried under school work. However, I am on a brief summer break and I am 1 year on testosterone. When I first came out, it seemed like I would never be able to start testosterone especially when it took 6 months just to get an appointment to see an endocrinologist but now it's been a year. - my beard is coming in nicely and it's starting to take shape on my face. The chin is definitely the part that is taking forever to grow but I'm just beginning to sprout little hairs under my bottom lip and the outline of my chin. - my skin has gotten stretchier. I'm not sure why this has occurred or if it's even a byproduct of the testosterone but it has happened. - I haven't had a real shark week for about you months now but occasionally I find a little bit of blood. I hear this is normal but ultimately terrifying. - Over the course of the year, my immune system has improved dramatically. Many people say the opposite but in my case, I have definitely not been sick every month as I used to be. - body fat redistribution has not occured. However, since I'm a large guy, I did not anticipate that this would occur anyway. - my body odor is slightly harder to manage and control especially with summer coming up. My underarms are fine with deodorant but the rest of my body, not so much. - my chest has blondish hairs everywhere and they're starting to darken. My stomach is covered in hair and my arms and legs still darken occasionally. The hand and foot hair is a little off putting at first. Will post pictures soon.

FtM Confession

I'm almost a year on T and my voice has deepened dramatically but I still make my voice deeper in public around strangers out of habit.

Sometimes I forget my t shot.

Okay. I forget a lot. I'm only human. But I always wonder why I'm feeling bitchy then I'm just like ah I was supposed to take that 4 days ago. Speaking of which...

Like... holy shit, almost a yearish.