Hugh Jackman’s face upon seeing he lost Best Actor for his circus musical to James Franco imitating Tommy Wiseau is my new favorite reaction image to everything ever

me about stranger things getting robbed 

the ticking in dunkirk alone deserves all the awards

Astronaut readjusts to life back on Earth

HE GRABS THE CUP BUT THEN HE DROPS THE PEN 0.0003 SECONDS LATER

AND HE LOOKS UP AT THE CEILING INSTEAD OF AT THE GROUND WHEN HE CAN’T FIND THEM

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HE JUST DROPS IT

IT’S NOT FUNNY IT’S VERY LOGICAL THAT HE WOULD HAVE ADJUSTED TO LIVING LIFE WHILE HE WAS IN SPACE BECAUSE IT’S DIFFERENT FROM EARTH BUT I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE

*THUNK*

YES IT’S BACK ON MY DASH THIS IS MY FAVORITE VIDEO

I could watch this video for hours and it would still be funny

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

Reblog If You Can Take Off Your Bra Without Taking Your Shirt Off.

I think we broke the notes…

i feel like i’m reblogging history. “the post that broke the notes”

THERE ARE NO FUCKING NOTES

WE HAVE REACHED INFINITY

what the heLL

Um….guys….

There are negative notes….

WHY ARE THERE NEGATIVE NOTES?

HOW ARE THERE NEGATIVE NOTES?!?!?!?!

Its in the black hole of tumblr

At time of reblogging, this post has 1 note :’)

Uhm nothing was there then I hit the heart and 1 note popped up.. Guys I’m scared..

it has reset to 0 notes. what have you done?

now it’s floating in the middle of the thingy

EVERY DAMN TIME

There’s literally nothing there. 

What is this? 

I couldn’t scroll past this. I need to be part of history for this. There are no notes do you even realise

Let it be known I was here on this day of march twentieth twenty sixteen and I’m laying in bed at nine thirty am

WOO NO NOTES PARTYYY

WTF IS THIS?!?! IM CONFUSED NO NOTES WUT DA ACTUAL FUCK

I LIKED IT AND IT HAD ONE NOTE.

ONE.

NOTE.

Oh wow there are seriously no notes..

What the heck.

OH MY GOSH IT’S TRUE. There were 0 notes, now i liked and just one note popped up! I’m.. I’m not sure how this can happen..? But now I’m part of history YEAH 24th March 2016 - 03:05 am

WHOA SO WEIRD

I just had to see it for myself and it’s true. Holy crap.

On this day, March 24th, 2016 at 12:22 in the afternoon, I have made myself part of history.

it’s back

Huh….

I’ll probably always reblog this

I feel like tumblr staff have been motoring this post and they put a special code in it so no notes ever show up

This post is historic

you can never not reblog this when it comes on your dash tumblr rule

7/9/16 - 8:32 pm

Take your chance and be part of it. They’ll talk about this in their history books in future.

Literally no notes

I liked it one note pops up

What the everloving fuck

23/11/2017

5:44pm

Wtf.. there’s not even a message saying 0 notes xD

29/11/17

No notes

One note popped up

22/12/2017

07:46 AM

whoa

… there’s…. there’s no notes…. 😳

Liu Yifei for the upcoming live action Disney movie Mulan

Nothing is more stressful than having your sleeves slide slowly down your arms while washing your hands.

JUST FUCKING LISTEN. 

THIS IS HALLOWEEN BUT NOT LIKE YOU KNOW IT

reblog so others can hear it!

Where the hell are the Victorian Goths they should be all over this.

*SMASHES REBLOG BUTTON*

this is some insta-reblog shit, my friends, i’m like 20 seconds in

HELL YES I LOVE THIS

What is this masterpiece?

10000000/10

@purediamondtrash for Sunny

@corruptedwhitegem @blackstardiopside @sssssick

// HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT 

YESPLEASE MM//

@pirate-god

@lauralot89

@neutralchaos1

MY SEX SONG BITCH

Before listening: I’m a little scared of how into this people are.

After listening: IF THIS SONG WAS A PERSON, I’D LET THEM FUCK ME

asdjfjshfoshdkshdjs

I REBLOGGED IN LIKE A FEW SECONDS OMG

One of the most bittersweet feelings has to be when you realise how much you’re going to miss a moment, while you’re still living it.

life is a try not to kill yourself challenge

Depression and Anxiety is like radiation. There’s always a little bit of it in the background but not enough to kill you. Then once in a while you get a free trip to Chernobyl.

Stitch just checking on you, making sure you’re okay 💖

Halloo Stitch! 

Hiya Stitch! XD

spongebob critical

spongebob and patrick emotinally abuse squidward on a daily basis and nobody???talks about this????

Mr. Krabs is basically a slave owner since he admits to almost never paying his employees.

Patrick killed like 20 people at the frycook olympics.

Plankton was so lonely that he built a computer to marry, but also programmed it to belittle him and go behind his back.

Sandy cheeks represents the oppressed minority because she is the only mammal in bikini bottom and lives alone in the middle of nowhere despite being smarter than all of them combined and yet no one here is talking about representation????

Mrs. Puff suffers from Spongebob continuously failing his driving test to the point where he one time crashed so hard, she lost her inflation (since she’s a pufferfish) and was reduced to shriveled wreck.

Don’t forget about how Spongebob constantly harassed and followed Mrs. puff afterwards despite how she clearly didn’t want anything to do with him after the accident.

Bubble Buddy killed a man.

Bubble Buddy poisoned the water supply, burned the crops, and delivered a plague onto the houses of the Bikini Bottom residents.

he did??

No… but are we just going to wait around until he does?!

I SAY WE TIP SOMETHING OVER!

“now what?”

“Ǵ̝͖͖̻̹͎̳͓E̬̥T̶̛̻̙͎͝ ̟̘̩̼͉͍̜̖͉̕T̢̺̗͓̼̟̫̬̙̖̀H͏̝̖͓͓̪ͅE̥ ͇͍̞̹̜̞͟L̼̲̲̠͢͝Ḭ̣̻̬̖͙̀F̹̙͍̼̰̬͕͟È̶͖͇͕̜͉̘͝G̻̜̰̯̖ͅU̲̳̼A̹̣̳R̶̗̀D͏̴͓͎̝̹̘̝ͅ!̻̲̭͔̜̺͠͝“