The fact that I am so stupid and my brain does all these things I find it difficult to understand is very concerning
sweetheart, you’re not stupid! everyone has trouble understanding their brain sometimes, it’s okay <3
That’s not what I mean. I don’t mean the fact that I sometimes feel like I’m a big, useless, stupid loser that I need to be constantly reminding of how awesome I am, or that I keep feeling bad because I’m not being helpful enough to others or because I’m not smart enough or what have you.
What I mean is that I don’t seem to have any control over any of these things. It’s like my brain does things and I don’t understand them. I can’t stop my brain from doing them, or explain them to others, or do anything else at all about them. There is a part of my brain that can’t be influenced, that acts independently of my will or reason (if my will and reason are not just “whatever I like most,” which turns out to be a weird and unreliable thing to use when trying to “figure out” what my “real preferences” are). It makes me very sad, but at the same time it’s very difficult for me to “figure out” what my “real preferences” are, since I can’t figure out how I’m supposed to act in situations where the choice of my “real preferences” determines my behavior.
I feel ya frank. Sometimes you really can’t control what your brain says. It’s frustrating. I know… sorry you’re going through this, man.
Thanks. I still think it’s very disturbing that I don’t seem to have much of an “emotional self.”









