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I've Lost All Hope

@beautyispain-blog1

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🌙Nomi/17/5'7🌙
Sw:109.2 Cw:105.4Gw: 95 Ugw:90
Lowest:105.4 highest:109.2
I don't promote pro ana or any romanticized eating disorders. I am very much pro recovery.

anyone else feel like their eating disorder is made up sometimes? like some days, i feel like i can just stop fasting, stop restricting, stop binging, stop exercising. i can be normal. 

but then i’m snapped back into reality and the mere thought of eating over my daily calorie limit gives me anxiety. 

now, whenever i eat something, i check the calorie content. food isn’t food anymore. it’s numbers. whenever i lose a pound, i just want to lose more and more. it’s addicting.

i’m really tired of isolation, i’ve lost all my social skills i guess (if i ever had any)… i feel like i live in a fish tank watching ppl passing by w no possibility of talking to any of them… it hurts if fuckin hurts i’m so tired of being alone but… i keep avoiding everyone bc i’m afraid of them… also i’m afraid of myself and that i’m stupid and boring and probably not able to handle a decent conversation…