Critical Mistake

me: [facedown on the floor] listen everything is totally fine

Happy Birthday Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter! (September 4, 1981)

I heard there’s a new meme in town

I take walk-ins, please form a line.

This blog is Dedicated to anyone suffering from Anxiety! Please Follow Us if You Can Relate: ANXIETYPROBLEMS

not to be fake deep but we’re soaring, flying. there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach, if we’re trying, so we’re breaking free.

Once I was at a plant store and I have this subconscious habit of pulling leaves of plants so I did that and stuck the leaf in my pocket and when I got home I found it and felt bad so I dropped it in a pot with a bromiliad and a few weeks later it had taken root and started growing and that’s the story of how I pirated a plant

you wouldnt DOWNLOAD a PLANT

yeah i did like 100 push ups today

anyone else live under the assumption that they’re constantly doing something wrong

How about the assumption that everyone’s just being polite and any minute now they’re going to snap and let you know how awful you are

BLESS THIS RESTAURANT

Fat jokes