The Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic church, and the priest says, “Sorry, we don’t allow anything scientific here.” To which the Higgs Boson replies, “what’da mean? You can’t have mass without me!”
I don’t think of my room as ‘messy’, I think of it as “hard for my parents to move me out after I graduate”
hahahaha boys that say “I like weird, weird is good” as if they think it means the girl is kinky or something hahaha no dude I mean I’m fucking insane
"Your puns are killing me omg."
Well then I guess you’re headed to the punderworld.
True dat true dat
I often compare my life to doing a math question on a multiple choice test and getting an answer that isnt even listed as one of the choices
In college I’m taking an architectural history course, and the professor had to use screenshots of Assassin’s Creed because it’s more visually accurate than our textbook. If this doesn’t sum up the American education system, I don’t know anything truly will
If you have parents that tell you to do chores as soon as they see you up in the morning I feel so sorry for you
That awkward moment when you can’t sing away your problems because your voice is probably way worse than the problem itself
if you’re texting a girl and she starts using correct punctuation and adding periods on the end of her texts, that is her way of saying
My diet consists of spaghettios and the souls of the innocent.
When you tired and your mom asks you to do the dishes
*Bastille voice* “how am I gonna be an optimist about this”
im pretty sure tumblr is full of those students who used to be very smart and was going places but now turned into those people who eat pizza and watch netflix
At a Mexican restaurant yesterday my dad started signaling that I had something on my face, so I started trying to get it off, but he only kept signaling harder, so I kept trying harder. And this went on for a minute until I was like ‘DID I GET IT????!!’ ANd he just goes ‘I thought I had something on MY face.’ And that’s when I realized my life is a cheesy comedy movie
who else is 1000000% done with school
Today while sitting and reading while waiting for my next class to start on campus, 2 guys sat down at the table next to me. What happened next was truly life changing. One of these two was an international student, and this was a tutoring session. The session was about English swear words and offensive slang. They sat there going over the proper grammatical use, and connotation of just about every slang and swear I know. Man college is really a great place
*Jazz hands in front of crush* “give em the Ol’ razzle dazzle”
