Resident Impudent Wench

@under-palemoonlight

i’m gonna be honest i didn’t even read the tweet because i had to hit reblog too fast when i saw this guy’s name is “i like hitting police because i am homosexual”

please behold the 24 Hours of Lemons race, in which you can only spend $500 total on a car to cross country race for 24 hours

named after the legendary 24 hour Le Mans race, Lemons rallies barely legal cars in an endurance race across America. had the privilege of sharing the freeway with this race and seeing the absolute art od this event

This is so American I could CRY

oh this is nothing. some of my favorite lemons entries are:

an airplane stuck on a toyota minivan

this miata built by rocket scientists

the mr2 boat

the nyan cat bmw that i think actually played the song at all times

the homer simpson car built by uranium workers

this limo whose brakes caught on fire

the dumbest corolla and supra wearing funny hats

and so much more. 24 hours of lemons my beloved

The absolute metaphorical snarl that is a Limo modeled after the titanic called "unstoppable", whose breaks caught fire, is just, absolutely sending me

what would you even do in this situation. how would it feel emotionally.

that scene where lxc is like "wangji why are you still here?" and lwj goes "xiongzhang is here, naturally i am also here" and lxc is like "why don't you go talk to your friend wei-gongzi? :)" makes me believe that in a modern AU lxc would want to go with his friends to the movies but shufu would tell him to take lwj with him, so it's now teenage 3zun trying to have a have a nice hang out while being followed by the most miserable 10 year old you've ever seen

my brother started calling our cat "doobie brother" which he then lengthened to "dubious brother" and has since morphed into "brother dubious" like he's some sort of fucked up little monk

brother dubious

a great part of speedrunning documentaries/docuseries on youtube on super niche/old games is the fact that, in most cases, the only people with enough in-depth knowledge to make the video in the first place are the top runners themselves. which results in really funny moments where the narrator is like "but in 2016, a new runner would blow the category wide open with a 3-minute time save... meeee :3 teehee"

Thansk

Starting twin peaks

It's scaring my cat

NO

I’ll make a world for you

I once saw someone post “If an Autistic person infodumps on you it means they feel comfortable around you”. Truth is? A lot of moderate-high support needs Autistics will infodump on whoever is willing to listen. 

A lot of them don’t have that social awareness that tells them “hey, they probably don’t want to hear about that or don’t care”. They literally do not care who you are, they will infodump if they see fit. 

These Autistics deserve to be supported.

Peace and love on planet earth

Dutch people are like “we don’t need to wear a helmet when we ride our bikes, because unlike in the barbarous United States, we have simply outlawed traumatic brain injury”

solid asphalt only hurts to fall on if the road it makes up was designed primarily for cars

Have you thought of just. Not falling.

Sorry to all of the people who had to flee book Twitter because of Elon. I can simulate it for you right here though!

Author who wrote a YA book called something like "Crown of Suck and Bone": I wish I could put my English teacher down with a bolt gun for making me read Shakespeare instead of REAL literature like Love Simon in high school

Former Ana Mardoll reply guy: This. LITERALLY this. Expecting people like me, who have synesthesia, to read Shakespeare is rooted in

Person whose profile pic is Dostoevsky w/ huge naturals: I hope the world blows up tomorrow

this site has one setting

I’m laughing, but there’s a super useful corollary, which my husband calls “the Red Balloon.” He was a defense lawyer and had a fair number of drug addicts come through, and there is a thing where if you’re like, on your first offense, they’ll do a thing where you can go to treatment and if you complete it they’ll take the conviction off your record.  And he would tell his clients, “Look, everyone’s going to tell you not to do drugs. They’re going to say it over and over again. And it’s like, if people tell you not to think of a white elephant, you’re going to think of a white elephant. But the trick to not thinking about a white elephant is to think of a red balloon. So you need to find your red balloon. For some people it’s yoga. For others it’s woodworking. For some people it’s scrapbooking or gardening or any of a long list of things to do. They focus on that, it’s a lot easier to succeed in ignoring the white elephant.” So yeah, “watch yourself” is one thing… but the better idea is to watch something else. (Even if it’s fanfic about werewolves fucking.)

It’s a form of productive dissociation, and is super, super helpful. It’s easy for me to get bogged down in how much pain I’m in… but some of the most painful periods of my life have also been the most productive, writing-wise, because writing is one of my red balloons. 

There is a phrase I use A LOT in my parenting and my son gets very sick of it, but it’s true:

The thing you practise is the thing you get good at.

You may not intentionally be practicing “being grumpy” but if you don’t put effort into practicing “not being grumpy” then I’m afraid that’s what you’re doing. It’s hard! It’s really hard! Sometimes, for some things, it’s pretty much impossible and that sucks!

But being carefully aware that you are going to get good at the things you do most of is a good way to be more careful of what those things are. If that makes sense.

You gotta appreciate sometimes how tumblr works in such a way that everyone who wants to reblog this interesting or useful psychological advice is also forced to reblog the thing about werewolf fucking

What, like we mind?

So many notes ppl confused by corn wielding Colima dog wait until you see the dancing figures…..blow your mind. Teach you true love

humankind…what more can I say. I can only aspire to have such deep and rich a human connection with anyone in this life that will be as radiant as a ceramic figural pair of dancing xolos

They’re also at the center of a roundabout

Mexican here, fun fact! While we call them “Dancing dogs”, they’re a young pup and an old dog, and the older one is revealing wisdoms right on the pup’s ear.

You’ll recognize the older dog bc he’s got wrinkles!! It’s a wonderful scene!!

Lying to children is fun when they know you are being ridiculous. When you hold up a carrot like “guys look at this huge Cheeto” and they all scream “NOOOOOOOOO that’s a CARE-OTT!”

“What? No, it’s my giant Cheeto.”

“NOOOOOOO!”

When I was a camp counselor a fellow counselor claimed that any silly camp song we sang was “his next hit single” and we should all follow him on SoundCloud and he stuck by this daily and it never ceased to amuse both the adults and the children.

When children are small and learning to count and you say the numbers out of order? Peak comedy.

“How many toys are there? Let’s see… oneeee, twooo, six!”

“NO! One two three!”

“What? Are you sure? Let me try again. One, two… six?”

“Noooooo!”

Once reduced a toddler into a fit of giggles by singing “A B C D E F Q.”

Tags from @windyvalleyzone

on Halloween at the store i work at there was a little boy in a Batman costume, and as I was helping his mom I kept addressing him as Mr. Superman and Mr. Aquaman & he kept correcting me, “noooo, BATMAN” until they were leaving and he very seriously told me, “actully, I’m Ryan”

@wearepaladin

my favourite thing to do when a small child hands me a random object with no clear intent is to answer it like a cell phone. Gets em every time