New City, New Name, Who the Fuck is This?

When Danny had been forced to ditch his dimension, life, name, and home, he'd set his sights on a place so far removed from what he was used to, and a name he was so far removed from, that he would never be reminded of what he left behind.

With Clockwork's help, he constructed a fake Identity, got himself a decent three bedroom apartment, and settled into Gotham. Sure it was a shit hole, a terrible place full of terrible people, but it was so infested with crime that fulfilling his obsession could be easily achieved without ever going ghost.

So he settled in, laid back, and used his first few months to enjoy his new life and adjust. With his coffers as High King, he doesn't have to work, he just fashioned himself an ID as a trust fund baby and moved forward.

Then he gets a knock on his door.

It's Child Protective Services.

They're looking for Eddie Daniel Drake, his new identity. Apparently, his nephews last living parent died and Eddie was listed as the next in line to get the kid.

Problem

This is a fake Identity.

He doesn't have a brother who recently died, and he certainly doesn't have a nephew.

Which means that someone falsified documents, and the're trying to get to the kid.

So.

Shit.

Danny has a kid now.

And given how weirdly attached Bruce Wayne is, and how connected that guy is, he's kinda starting to think that maybe Mr. Wayne has something to do with the falsified documents.

The thing is, the kid is tiny, even in photographs.

Danny's human instincts are blaring, let alone his ghostly ones, which are already booming klaxlons of findprotectdefend and he agrees to meet the kid before he's even fully aware of exactly what it means for him to be doing this.

Whoever's after him is good, to have things set up so well, so quickly after the kid's, Tim's, parents deaths. It probably couldn't compare to the work done by the collective administration of the Infinite Realms and the God of Time for his documents, but the fact that it came pretty damn close was...worrying.

In any case, it's fine. It should be fine. He's already kind of a dad right? And he's surely faced worse than a ten year old orphan.

Sure Danielle ended up more of a sister than a daughter, but again, this kid was already a couple years grown! Had a chronologically experienced life and everything!

How hard could it be?

Tim is very confused. He... Was pretty sure those details were meant to be fake? But he accidentally forged documents to this random stranger.

a random stranger who immediately agreed to take him in. Clearly knowing this was fake. Just because he was a kid who needed help. Which is... A bit mind boggling really.

sojfchjfksjxhd accidental identity unfraud 🤣 Please Tim would try to flee as quickly as possible, realize that fleeing leaves him vulnerable to Being Cared About by Bruce, and then run back the way he came so that at least Batman doesn't have to be emotionally involved sjhxhxjsjdbbdh. I'm dying.

Danny just parenting this random teen he got given by accident. He is gonna be the best guardian can! He goes to parenting classes! Online forums. Whatever he can. He will do better than his parents did. And if I'm the way he applied to be a foster? He just likes kids ok.

After a few months, it’s obvious that Tim is thriving in this new environment. His eye bags have almost completely disappeared, he started to actually gain some decent weight, and he’s never bored! Not even for a second!

Sure, his new uncle was suspicious as all hell. Tim had “borrowed” the Batcomputer more than once trying to track down his real name. (His uncle had even said his real name wasn’t Eddie!) But despite his efforts, “Uncle Eddie” was technically in the system, and therefore untraceable. He had all the right paperwork you’d need to live, and nothing more than that.

notes from @zetrashguardian

#danny just stepping up and being a good dad#giving tim the love he deserves#i like to imagine that Danny is willing#and has#threatened batman over tims safety

lmfao can you imagine; Bruce tries to do another mind fuckey test on Tim, only for Danny to show up in the Batcave, eyes glowing, and say in the creepiest, glitchiest voice possible

"If you ever try to do something like this again; I will go to the afterlife and find Jason's soul to drag out of it, just so you can hear him tell you how much like his biological father you are becoming."

Bruce makes normal tests after that.

Tumblr Code.

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: ”17 cocks”

always reblog tumblr identification

this post makes me want to gouge my eyes out

im laughins so hard who changed it

WHO TF EDITED THE SHOELACE POST

No seriously the edit function has been gone for years who did this

my favorite thing about this post is all the people who chose to use the default icon defending themselves in the notes like no stop it just put a picture up

Contrary to popular belief, there are three states a cat in a box might be: Alive, Dead, or Bloody Furious.

- Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett.

girl i know i love old boats and they got into accidents all the time and i wouldnt exactly regard an ocean liner as a not horrifying mode of transport but i just remembered we used to have those fucking balloon airships. i dont like planes myself but thank god we started making air transport out of shit that wasnt 100% flammable

domt like that

girl they used to catch fire for no reason and kill everyone

THAT WAS ONE TIME

it happened a few times

best thing tumblr ever did for me is the term "rotating it in my mind". it's really true that sometimes you think about something real hard but you can't tell what the thoughts are exactly. it's revolutionary stuff, i might even say

sometimes the subject of your thoughts is just in this thing

@nalt0r

Ok. But. Imagine Dick had that idea. He signed every single thing for school himself.

Then he left and Jason got adopted. Dick didn't want any of the teachers to catch on when "Bruce's" signature suddenly changes. (Because Dick was like 8, so he didn't copy Bruce's signature at all, just signed his name a particular way and stuck with it because changing it would cause issues and it was still working) So Dick goes to Jason and tells him all about it... and proceeds to sign everything for Jason with Bruce's name too. Eventually teaching him to forge it himself etc. (But it's still that fake-ass signature that Dick came up with at 8)

And then comes Tim. Who doesn't want to bother Bruce anyway so when Dick offers to teach him the signature? He's delighted.

Finally. Damian. Dick is his guardian. So Dick signs. (His own name.) And with all the Bruce is dead/battle for the cowl/Bruce is alive-drama going on he honestly... just kinda forgets about the signature.

Until. Damian mentions in passing that Bruce signed the field trip permission slip he turned in.

All the blood leaves Dick's face. A ruse they kept going for almost twenty goddamn years. Ruined. And they're about to be caught. Because his Bruce signature? Pretty damn far from the original.

Bruce gets called by the school. He gets toled Damian tried to forge his signature. He's confused. He did sign that. But he decides to investigate first. Bruce asks the teacher if he can see some samples of the different signatures.

At the school Bruce realises what a dumbass he is never having questioned that he didn't need to sign anything for any of his kids.

He tells the teacher he'll talk to Damian, but he still has permission to go on the field trip.

At home.... Bruce tries to learn his own fake signature.

(Sorry for hijacking your quote)

Note that the context of this GIF is that Zelda suspects the frog in question is psychoactive and is attempting to convince Link to eat it so that she can observe his reaction and determine whether she’s right.

Whether that makes it less romantic or more is left as an exercise for the reader.

no it's romantic. doing experiments on you is one of the main ways that girls show romance

Can I interest you in a

.

…

a…

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crabonated beverage?

My dad told me a Queen Elizabeth x 9/11 combo joke but idk if it works in English

It goes something like this

Q: Why can’t Americans play chess against the British anymore?

A: Because the British are missing the queen and the Americans are missing two towers (rooks).

To whoever unfollowed me for this: I didn’t even come up with the joke myself, you should unfollow my dad instead.

As a part of the Chess Fandom™️ and also from a colonized country, this was the first image I saw the day the Queen died on my whatsapp chess club group:

So yeah, that’s how the news broke to me.

an incredible update to this post

common misconception. what they've actually invented is money but worse

Countries definitely love it when you go around minting a competing currency within their borders. This will go well and see no complications.

tfw you’re bothering a cat but not enough for it to MOVE so it just looks Disapprovingly at you

I would just like to point out. The ears are pointing forward. The cat’s sprawling out more as the bowl is shimmied as opposed to getting up to try and get out. That expression is hardly what i’d call disappointment. It’s actually enjoying being gently jostled! Can’t explain why, though. Could be the soothing jiggling motions, like how we sit in a vibrating massage chair sometimes. Or maybe it just sees this as an amusement part ride of sorts. Whatever it is, i can tell the cat is very relaxed and trusting of the person holding it in the bowl. I rate this VERY cute!

reblog to get jiggled

get jiggled, idiot!

A recent cartoon for New Scientist

I saw somebody be wrong on the internet and I didn’t respond (don’t want to get involved) and I’m being SO brave about it

I should never have made this post because now every time it gets a new note I’m reminded of how wrong that one person on the internet was.

reblog to remind them how wrong that one person on the internet was

THEY WERE SO WRONG. ON THE INTERNET.

What were they wrong about?

NO I AM BEING SO BRAVE ABOUT IT

guys wake up new spamton gif just dropped

what if i gently cupped him in my palms and kissed him

what if i gently cupped him in my palms and crushed him

Alternative readings are good, I say, while grinding my teeth because I don’t like this particular one

It makes for a healthy fandom ecosystem to have a variety of takes, I say, while halfway to seethingly daydreaming how I would carpet bomb this take out of existence if I could.

In the town where I grew up, there was a large statue in one of the parks, of a famous historical white colonizer. I'm not going to say who specifically, suffice it to say that it was someone who wasn't worth memorializing for their deeds. And as you can imagine, this statue was a frequent target of vandalism, with paint or toilet paper or eggs on multiple occasions. Now, the local council was generally pretty lax when it came to repairing potholes or other public damage in the town, but every time, 24 hours after this particular statue was hit, the same person would always appear in a Hi-Vis vest, hat, mask and sunglasses, carrying a bucket of water, and wash it clean. They would do it as quickly as possible, but always made sure the face and the name carved at the bottom were generously scrubbed. This only encouraged people to do it again, and so it became a vicious cycle.

Within a year, the statue had sustained so much damage that it was unrecognizable and the lettering unreadable, so eventually the council came and took it down. Also apparently, the person in the Hi-Vis vest didn't even work for the council. They were supposedly just some 'good samaritan' who cleaned it, often before the council even discovered it needed cleaning, so they just let them do it and ignored the problem. They didn't bother putting the statue up again.

Much later, we found out that the anonymous 'samaritan' had been deliberately washing the statue with a bucket of saltwater, which had dramatically corroded it, causing irreversible accumulative damage far worse than spray paint ever would have done. It's even theorized that they were also often the one spray-painting it, just so that they had an excuse to come back after a day to wash it.

A good samaritan indeed