Carry On My Wayward Son

• so obviously him making it his life's purpose to torment a frail old man just because his first paycheck sucked is iconic
• scaling a building in broad daylight because he and stede couldnt find a bar
• picking a fight with the first englishman that tried to talk to him in havana
• glaring death rays at woodes rogers when he called him ugly
• by immediately stalking roberts, believing he'd help him get rich quick after completing a series of tasks for the man, edward proved he would fall for a pyramid scheme
• the way his ai is kinda fucked up and without fail every time ive done the mission he peeks around the corner in front of adéwalé in full view of a guard
• like judging by mydickssoft's track record you'd think they'd morph into a freakish being but nah, boundary boxes force these tootie frooties to spoon
• do you think he knows what jagabat means? i dont think he does
• *names a ship after a bird*
• "speaking of dark creatures, you are black!"
• grabs a sword by the blade multiple times dude what in the fuck
• "i want my key!" dont you have like. four guns. shoot off the locks king, opening things properly has never been your go to why change now
• kicking locks off BARE FOOTED bro i KNOW that hurts so bad you gotta be bleeding how the fuck are your feet so smooth you abuse the shit outta them
• you tellin me you paid another man to give you nipple tattoos? okay
• you tellin me you paid another man to draw tentacles on your cleavage? okay
• thats a lot of back tattoos there kenway. who are they for kenway. you cant see the player who are those for kenway. are you expecting someone to be behind you admiring them kenway
• picture youre just chilling in your cool half-underwater base admiring your treasure. all of a sudden a dummy thicc, unarmed, barefoot, and shirtless man pops out of the water and starts punching and kicking you to death
• "you mad sap!" bro they are oysters and you have a whole crab and two knives. eat vane
• surely going toward the man, who just left me to die in a cave, while i currently bleed out wont be a mistake!
• why you dreaming about crawling on your hands and knees toward roberts kenway. why did you dream that roberts would be sitting on stede kenway.
• him staring out into the void in that one dream sequence. "sorry bristol is too hard to render :P"
• "so anne my wife is dead" "yeah" "would you like to-" "no" "aight fair enough"
• he spent almost all of the game simping for a man named bartholomew
• *bullies child daughter for not knowing difference between boat and ship*
• why did he take his giant brig through a swamp. i think in that very moment adé became the captain, like the crew didnt say anything because this was for thatch but also they all silently were like "kenway dumb af"
• "and would you be the devil" dude just call yourself a slur
• put a lotta trust in the jackdaw crew to stay put while he went swimming for a couple hours every now and then
• *******killed a man with piss*******
• "eyo look at that massive ship in the distance. lets go fight it"
• pets dog pets cow pets cat pets bird pets goat pets dog pets cow pets bird pets cat pets goat pets do
• him continuously taking off the assassin robes to put on those god awful saggy pants. king your ass is amazing what did you do with your first outfit
• never corrects adé when during battle and storms adé calls him and the crew sluts. eyo release directors cut of whats happening off screen boobsaresoft i wanna see whats goin on
• why do you only fuck in beds why do you sleep everywhere that isnt made for sleeping
• hes got like forty kids right

• *goes to brothel full of beautiful scantily dressed women that find him extremely attractive, just goes to bed*
• "you look like a bowl of plum duff"
• "i feel nothing but a hot wind on my ears"
• what does edward have that makes you stay with him for so long (we know what he has we dont need to say it)
• "this is where the jackdaw was sunk august" "cowabummer"
• edward was definitely just a spoiled little figurehead captain for adéwalé right
• "kicking chests is so two decade ago, i am going to brutally stomp down on them and shatter the hinges :)"
• password is a song? okay i will sing it uwu [yes he is a better singer than edward]
• "stop touching my boobs ma'am"
• "i have a son? YOU NAMED HIM WHAT?"
• bro one of his finishing moves looks like he smothers somebody out with his armpit. in reality, he breaks their neck with his bicep
• "create a distraction? okay" *throws men*

• so obviously him making it his life's purpose to torment a frail old man just because his first paycheck sucked is iconic
• scaling a building in broad daylight because he and stede couldnt find a bar
• picking a fight with the first englishman that tried to talk to him in havana
• glaring death rays at woodes rogers when he called him ugly
• by immediately stalking roberts, believing he'd help him get rich quick after completing a series of tasks for the man, edward proved he would fall for a pyramid scheme
• the way his ai is kinda fucked up and without fail every time ive done the mission he peeks around the corner in front of adéwalé in full view of a guard
• like judging by mydickssoft's track record you'd think they'd morph into a freakish being but nah, boundary boxes force these tootie frooties to spoon
• do you think he knows what jagabat means? i dont think he does
• *names a ship after a bird*
• "speaking of dark creatures, you are black!"
• grabs a sword by the blade multiple times dude what in the fuck
• "i want my key!" dont you have like. four guns. shoot off the locks king, opening things properly has never been your go to why change now
• kicking locks off BARE FOOTED bro i KNOW that hurts so bad you gotta be bleeding how the fuck are your feet so smooth you abuse the shit outta them
• you tellin me you paid another man to give you nipple tattoos? okay
• you tellin me you paid another man to draw tentacles on your cleavage? okay
• thats a lot of back tattoos there kenway. who are they for kenway. you cant see the player who are those for kenway. are you expecting someone to be behind you admiring them kenway
• picture youre just chilling in your cool half-underwater base admiring your treasure. all of a sudden a dummy thicc, unarmed, barefoot, and shirtless man pops out of the water and starts punching and kicking you to death
• "you mad sap!" bro they are oysters and you have a whole crab and two knives. eat vane
• surely going toward the man, who just left me to die in a cave, while i currently bleed out wont be a mistake!
• why you dreaming about crawling on your hands and knees toward roberts kenway. why did you dream that roberts would be sitting on stede kenway.
• him staring out into the void in that one dream sequence. "sorry bristol is too hard to render :P"
• "so anne my wife is dead" "yeah" "would you like to-" "no" "aight fair enough"
• he spent almost all of the game simping for a man named bartholomew
• *bullies child daughter for not knowing difference between boat and ship*
• why did he take his giant brig through a swamp. i think in that very moment adé became the captain, like the crew didnt say anything because this was for thatch but also they all silently were like "kenway dumb af"
• "and would you be the devil" dude just call yourself a slur
• put a lotta trust in the jackdaw crew to stay put while he went swimming for a couple hours every now and then
• *******killed a man with piss*******
• "eyo look at that massive ship in the distance. lets go fight it"
• pets dog pets cow pets cat pets bird pets goat pets dog pets cow pets bird pets cat pets goat pets do
• him continuously taking off the assassin robes to put on those god awful saggy pants. king your ass is amazing what did you do with your first outfit
• never corrects adé when during battle and storms adé calls him and the crew sluts. eyo release directors cut of whats happening off screen boobsaresoft i wanna see whats goin on
• why do you only fuck in beds why do you sleep everywhere that isnt made for sleeping
• hes got like forty kids right

• *goes to brothel full of beautiful scantily dressed women that find him extremely attractive, just goes to bed*
• "you look like a bowl of plum duff"
• "i feel nothing but a hot wind on my ears"
• what does edward have that makes you stay with him for so long (we know what he has we dont need to say it)
• "this is where the jackdaw was sunk august" "cowabummer"
• edward was definitely just a spoiled little figurehead captain for adéwalé right
• "kicking chests is so two decade ago, i am going to brutally stomp down on them and shatter the hinges :)"
• password is a song? okay i will sing it uwu [yes he is a better singer than edward]
• "stop touching my boobs ma'am"
• "i have a son? YOU NAMED HIM WHAT?"
• bro one of his finishing moves looks like he smothers somebody out with his armpit. in reality, he breaks their neck with his bicep
• "create a distraction? okay" *throws men*

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