Bagginsluck

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

On it boss!!

[id: a set of 5 UNO cards upon which has been written, "Yes", "no", "I don't have a card for that", "can't talk right now 😢", and "I have powerful wizard magics 🙂". End id]

love to purchase items but at what cost

I originally posted this on twitter exactly 2 years ago.

discovered an intriguing network of pornbots which appear to be repeatedly reblogging this picture of butter between themselves

I love all of these

good day to everyone except whoever thinks salted butter is good

Yall I'm so sorry this got added to my post

#'i love conflict' is the most agent thing to have ever been said by an agent

jason todd poses in photos like men on tindr pose with fish except instead of a fish it’s a gun

you guys are funnier than i am just take my blog

So I was rereading the Hobbit and I kept thinking how much of why the whole lot of them didn’t die like every five pages is sheer luck. And I thought it was super weird, but then I remembered how at the beginning the dwarves mostly wanted another person so they would have a group of 14 for a lucky number. Bilbo’s luck saves the whole quest constantly, and if the lucky number thing is actually why then it makes a lot more sense why they really wanted someone to make 14.

@overthinkinglotr​ can’t leave this in the notes!

Just found out my facebook birding group is public because my cousin (a lawyer who is not into birds) casually said to me “saw you couldn’t identify a willet the other day… pretty embarrassing”

We don’t talk enough about the two identical old women who just hang around Azula saying ominous shit in unison. What’s their deal. Is there a comic about them. Are they paid for their services

WHAT FUNCTION DO YOU SERVE IN THE GOVERNMENT

They serve cunt and omens. What more do you need?

since we are talking about people who deserve a higher salary i think teachers should be making six figures a year btw. if state superintendents who have never set foot in a classroom can make that much so should the teachers. teachers are quite literally the backbone of our society and if teachers were actually properly compensated we wouldn’t have a shortage or bad teachers who are continually burnout because of a lack of proper compensation.

gordon ramsey: is the food good here?

underpaid server: 

My favourite thing about that show is how he treats servers. It was also the source of some very intense fantasies when I was a barista of him busting into my cafe, calling my boss a fucking idiot, then taking me against the broken dishwasher.

I remember in my Arabic class we were going over the alphabet and the teacher was like there’s no ‘P’ etc and this white girl was like wait what but my names Paige and my teacher was like lol then we’d pronounce it as beige and she was so offended I’m crying thinking about it

One of my mom’s friends, Hugh, went to France and they had a lot of trouble pronouncing his name because the entire thing was silent.

salut je m'appelle [REDACTED]

lol when I lived in France my host family had a friend names Hugh. We saw him and his family a lot.

They pronounced it “oog” and I didn’t know until the day before I left France that his name was Hugh. I just thought he had some weird caveman nickname 😭

that is hands down the funniest addition to this post

Are you trying to kill your mother? Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

i mean, I live in Canada, where French is an official language, and when I was growing up outside Quebec they didn’t teach us Canadian French, they taught us French French. They taught us our country’s own language as spoken in a different country. So I can totally believe that schools in the US are teaching Spanish Not As Spoken Anywhere Near The US or Anywhere Really

man the site that used to be full of people horny for the onceler now getting really hyped about tree law is some serious poetic irony

we need to make a new acronym for cognitive behavioral therapy. my condolences go out to psychologists everywhere but you lost this battle and you need to move on

we need to make a new acronym for cognitive behavioral therapy. my condolences go out to psychologists everywhere but you lost this battle and you need to move on

compilation of texts my mom has sent me when my cat is wailing outside my room and i haven’t opened the door for her yet

Eagerly getting into the submersible industry, that’s the point there right?

I’m being informed that in light of recent events this is no longer true