(submitted by @louloubamboo)
Me watching kitchen nightmares in my pajamas at 3pm eating a freezer meal: ugh I can’t believe he didn’t use fresh parmesan for his lasagna ew
Food network contestant: it’s held together by carmel, hopes, and prayers
An accurate description of my life
Subtract the hopes and prayers and it’s me
The only love and affection I get is from food network and the cooking channel
Are you ever like, I’m too tired to even focus on something as low stakes as Chopped, I need pure trash, I need Guy Fieri-level low stakes? Chopped is too intellectual for me right now. I’m officially Guy’s Grocery Games-level tired.
You know what will make me root against a Chopped contestant pretty much instantly? When they act preformatively disgusted by poor people food. Like, we get it- Coolwip and Hot Dogs aren’t exactly gourmet cuisine. But y'all just acted like pig snout was a delicious treat.Don’t pretend you’re revolted by canned soup.
me: i need an easy cake recipe
food network: how about angel food cake! its so easy any idiot can make it
me: sick whats the recipe
food network: well first you need 16 eggs
me:
My favorite cooking show
This show has everything.
Fantastic costumes and set design
Terrible costumes and set design
Yummy recipes
A clown in a gimp mask
Fun facts about food
Props!
Legit took me days to craft this 😂
i’ve been to Oklahoma and let me say, i was not under the impression that a state food was whole wheat pasta
everything you’ve ever known is a lie
bethecowgirl-deactivated2018121
the year is 2085. every show on the food network is hosted by alton brown’s cryogenically frozen body
That’s only 67 years from now. Why must we assume he won’t live to be 122?
I hate to disagree with Chef Anne
but knives are not the most important kitchen tool.
As my lord and savior Ina Garten always says: “Clean hands a cook’s best tool.”
Anonymous asked:
fun fact the guy in your I still hate you post is in porn...lots of porn...his porn star name is jean val jean
Lol I’ve heard that. I think I’ll stick to watching him on food network though and look no further
Me, as a judge on any cooking show
“Oh my god, I ate it all, I am so fat.”
“Look, I’m sure it’s really good, but I don’t do mushrooms.”
“Hold up, I gotta get my Lactaid, or we will all pay the price, especially me.”
“I can’t believe you’re paying me to do this. I am living my best life.”
Me normally: idk, $15 for some makeup is kinda expensive,,,,, idk tho
Me, watching cutthroat kitchen: ohhhhhhhmygod, it’s only 4,000 dollars for salt dumbass, you need salt, keep bidding