these bitches only existed on hallmark cards

They exist in my head and talk to each other while I drive to the.Store

not now kitten daddy is cementing himself to the underside of a large ship

mixed up mascot kid btw. if you even care

Spooky season is closer than you think.

Me, in the summer heat, taking 2 points of fire damage every second: aeugh aeugh aeugh ough eough ough eaugh

you finally confess your attraction to the hot priest and he's like "oh darling, I thought you'd never ask" and proceeds to bite your neck and turn you into another catholic priest

every single bumper sticker hits like a fucking train

Stop….

I literally love that pork fat was sacred to Hestia. Goddess of Workin' the Grill, Goddess of Throwin' Some Honey Mustard On that Bad Buoy, Goddess of Autism Be Damned.

In my heart of hearts Hestia is some grungy looking creole tgirl with a beer belly and an outdoor grill.

love how Johnny Cash’s cover of Hurt fucked so hard that everyone was just like “ok that’s his song now”

that everyone includes trent reznor

i am a firm supporter of changing your name to whatever you want regardless of your gender. if a woman wants to go by matt then matt she shall be. godspeed

i missed this when it happened but. oh my god.

Imagine being the only person alive who can say this

buzz aldrin and neil armstrong liked to do a thing where they’d tell unfunny jokes at parties about being on the moon and when people were confused they’d go “guess you had to have been there”

This has no right being this fucking funny

When my kiddo finally decided (at age 20) that it was time for (most of) his enormous Lego collection to go, it was a gut-wrenching moment for me (goodbye childhood!). However, we used this service, which was simple and hassle-free.

This is wonderful to know.