My mind can best be described by the colors black and white. I'm either sad, or I'm happy. Black or white. Lately I've been more black than white. Although I live a more than satisfactory life, I have this hole in my heart and I can't seem to get it closed. I'm trying. It's not working. I just want to be happy again.

I just wanted you to love me..

A large part of me is completely ready to die... I'm sorry.

Trying to keep my head above water. I have this feeling like I'm about to drown.. I try my very hardest but I'm just a massive fucking let down.

I know. I finally know. I know what's going to make me feel whole. I know what's going to fill this hole in my chest that has been there as long as I can remember. Singing. Singing for people who love to hear my voice. Just making it somewhere with my voice. The only problem is I don't believe I'm good enough, or that I ever will be. This is the one thing I've ever wanted to do with my life. But I'm too scared. Too scared that I won't be good enough. Too scared of people thinking I'm not good enough. I just don't know what to do.. I could try, but I don't think I could handle knowing once and for all that I'm not good enough. But there's the off chance that I am.. I don't want to not try and be left with a gigantic "what if?" for the rest of my life.. Ahh..