Concept: Everyone learns what a fake I am, and so I flee from everyone. I can never return but I would never want to. I can find freedom in my solitude.
that avpd feel when a friend has even the tiniest negative opinion about something you like and your stomach immediately sinks, amirite
imm s so sorry, i couldnt ask for help i tried so hard but i couldnt do it, im such a disappointment im so sorry
I wish i was more than myself. I wish i was a person. But im just me, a void hidden under all these covers, in desperate need of people to see and in desperate need of me to hide. Don’t look at me. See me. I am here. Don’t you dare acknowledge my presence! I am so tired of fighting with myself with no end, no peace and no result.
im not enough im not enough i'll never be enough i don't even have standards anymore when i know i'll just let myself down
Concept: i can approach people on my own terms and they understand. i can never bring myself to talk and they understand. i can run and disappear and they understand. I can return without fear because they understand.
concept: i am unobserved at last. no-one thinks of me. no-one laughs. no-one sees. no-one hears. no-one knows. i am forgotten. i am home.
avpd is debilitating, it crushes my soul to know that there are other people who have to go through this as well. it is fear, it is hiding, it is shame. it is so much shame. and there is no one who can help us because we don’t know how to ask for help. no one will ever know how much we suffer. the psychological discomfort of avpd, being ashamed of your existence enough to want to stay in hiding, is a secret we all want desperately not to be kept, but are too afraid to tell.
Concept: I look at the mirror, still unrecognizable. I manage to care for the person in the mirror.
Concept: You are wrapped by warmth. It finally reaches you, melting away the doubt, the fear, and the constant dread at the base of your self. You allow yourself to breath and you no longer shake with uncertainty.
You are safe now that you are here.
You are safe to be.
I wish i was more than myself. I wish i was a person. But im just me, a void hidden under all these covers, in desperate need of people to see and in desperate need of me to hide. Don’t look at me. See me. I am here. Don’t you dare acknowledge my presence! I am so tired of fighting with myself with no end, no peace and no result.
Concept: i can approach people on my own terms and they understand. i can never bring myself to talk and they understand. i can run and disappear and they understand. I can return without fear because they understand.
what's avpd holy shit?!?!
you’ve probably done a lot of research since you sent this, and i’m terribly sorry to have kept you waiting! avpd is essentially a personality disorder characterized by poor self-image and self-worth, inhibition in social situations and interpersonal relationships, debilitating fear, and experience of the self as being inherently unworthy and inferior. here’s a post with a lot of resources that could give you a more detailed sense of it!
concept: i am unobserved at last. no-one thinks of me. no-one laughs. no-one sees. no-one hears. no-one knows. i am forgotten. i am home.
Anonymous asked:
hey I appreciate all that you've put into this blog, it really means a lot me! I hope you know that you don't have to be perfect. You're doing a damn good job right now and we are so grateful for you!! I maybe would apply to be a mod if you were looking for one
this is really sweet! thanks for taking the time to send this
avpd is debilitating, it crushes my soul to know that there are other people who have to go through this as well. it is fear, it is hiding, it is shame. it is so much shame. and there is no one who can help us because we don't know how to ask for help. no one will ever know how much we suffer. the psychological discomfort of avpd, being ashamed of your existence enough to want to stay in hiding, is a secret we all want desperately not to be kept, but are too afraid to tell.
Anonymous asked:
hi, is this blog still active?
k ind of. ok i had a really exhausting and difficult semester, managed to pull out of a dark place with the help of the dbt program i’m in and was worried for a long time that i’d slide right back into it, and i fell off maintenance of this blog. i intend to spend the next week answering all the old questions i have in this inbox (it wasn’t ignoring anyone; there are great questions that i wanted to answer; it was perfectionism and not sure i had the right information).
i might do applications for a second mod honestly. i don’t want this blog to fall into the same state of disrepair next semester.
Concept: I actually go and succeed in life. I don’t hate myself as often anymore, and use said self-hatred to continue personal development.