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Splatter Brained

@autumnviolin

Just a random thoughs blog. My name is Lindsay. Age 21. Dead inside

So I was rereading Harry Potter, when I came across this and thought- what if instead of Cedric Diggory, Cassius Warrington had been chosen to compete in the Triwizard Tournament?

Imagine Dumbledore calling out the name of the Hogwarts champion and it isn’t a Gryffindor, or a Ravenclaw, or even a Hufflepuff, but it’s a Slytherin. A student from a House most people hate.

Imagine Cassius Warrington getting up, and three out of four Houses are booing at him and shouting things like “NO!” or, “We can’t have a Slytherin champion!” or demanding a retry. But he’s a Slytherin- he’s been dealing with this shit since he got sorted, so he keeps his head high and joins the other champions.

Imagine Harry trying to catch Warrington alone because he doesn’t really want to associate with Slytherins (plus Malfoy has this tendency of being around the guy ALL THE TIME since he got chosen), but at the same time he’s also fair enough not to want him to walk into the first task unprepared.

Imagine Warrington walking over to Harry a few months later, and Ron and Hermione both jump into a protective stance, wands out, but instead of attacking Harry he just tells him to stick the egg underwater. (Because Slytherins don’t forget those who helped them out).

Imagine Warrington and Harry helping each other out in the labyrinth.

Imagine Harry being devastated when Peter kills Warrington- because Voldemort doesn’t care what house they’re form, a spare is a spare.

Imagine the uproar that causes among the Slytherins, because some of their parents really are Death Eaters and they know what really happened.

Imagine Slytherins fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and shouting “This is for Cassius!”

Imagine Harry returning with Warrington’s body, and the crowd realizes what’s happened, but Warrington’s parents don’t show up. There’s no one to mourn him, to cradle him in their arms and cry for their son. The Slytherins know why. His parents were Death Eaters, too.

Imagine Slytherins reaching out, asking for help from classmates from other houses. They’re terrified, truly terrified because the being their parents claimed would never hurt them because they’re pureblood, they realize that he does not care.

Imagine Slytherins in the 5th book sneaking off to join Dumbledore’s Army, to learn more about who Voldemort is without their parents acting as a filter. 

Imagine the shock when they’re told what he’s really done.

Imagine that a few talented Slytherins went with Harry and the others into the Ministry of Magic. The others are a bit wary but they prove themselves as friends.

Imagine them being confronted by Lucius Malfoy in the the Hall of Prophecy, and when the Death Eaters descend, they know that any one of them could be their parents.

Imagine the shocked gasp of a Death Eater as they realize their own child, a pureblood, is standing defiantly with Harry Potter. They choke back a cry. They can’t let their child know that they were about to duel to the death.

Imagine a DA Slytherin facing off against their own Death Eater parent. That they make the decision to let their child defeat them, because in that moment, they realize that they love their child more than they fear Voldemort. They go down, mask unveiled, and the Slytherin kid has to be dragged from the fight before he gets killed.

Imagine Book 6 Slytherins getting more friendly and cooperative with the other houses. Two years of Voldemort terrorizing the muggle and Wizarding world, two years where their parents just up and leave some days, cringing from the pain in their arm, two years after the death of the first Slytherin pureblood, Cassius Warrington, killed by Voldemort’s right-hand man, and they’re slowly hitting the breaking point.

Imagine Slytherin kids keeping tabs on their parents, sending the information to Harry, who shares it with the Order of the Phoenix, and hoping that their parents won’t be killed.

Imagine Book 7 Slytherins low-key rebelling against the new oppressive Hogwarts staff.

Imagine the final siege on Hogwarts, where Slytherins stand proudly by their fellow houses, knowing full-well they could be fighting their own parents. Some Slytherins know their parents were in the fighting. They hope to find them first and sneak them away. Their fellow students understand. Professor McGonagall allows 7th Year Slytherin, Pansy Parkinson, to duel a death eater in her stead; her father is under that veil. She knows it.

Imagine the aftermath of the battle; every house suffered loses. Slytherin students crying over the deaths of friends they made in every house.

Imagine a Cassius Warrington statue made in his honor, the first Slytherin to fight and die nobly with Harry Potter, the boy who lived, in the face of ultimate evil. He was a true Slytherin, and it’s in his name that Slytherin children and their families have cut all ties with the Death Eaters, denounced Voldemort, and are finally living in peace.

Imagine a story in which Harry wasn’t in love with his fellow champion’s girlfriend, but after her boyfriend’s death just hugs her so long, so hard, and says “he wanted to win for you. You should know–you should know he won, he did it for you” and gives her the best hug and shoulder he knows how to be because her parents aren’t there either and she must know why.

Imagine Harry staring over her head at everyone else until Hermione steps up–it doesn’t take long, but it takes long enough that when she does all eyes are on her as a source of motion–and says “we’re never going to forget this. They’re not going to get away with it” and the girlfriend just latches onto Hermione and everyone is in wands-out stance convinced she’s about to attack the shit out of Hermione, and then the girlfriend stares into her eyes and says “do you promise me” and Hermione just gives her this super-firm nod and says “I promise” and the girlfriend just collapses on her, sobbing. 

Imagine Dumbledore trying to give some flowery speech about inter-wizard solidarity while glossing over why, because Slytherins have always been a touchy subject, and Ron gets to his feet and says “Professor, I need to say something important” and Dumbledore is so surprised he just cedes the floor, and Ron–after that awkward moment when he realizes everyone is staring at him–says he didn’t know Warrington particularly, but he knows how Warrington and Harry played. That each was always cheering on the other. Both wanted to win, but neither was willing to undercut the other by underhanded means. He finishes up saying “I think–I think it’s important everyone should know he died being what a champion should be. Because he could have abandoned Harry and instead he stood up with him to play the game the honest way, and he died for it. And–and Slytherin House should be proud, and we should all be proud, because Warrington was a good bloke.” He sits back down all flustered because he didn’t actually stand up meaning to make a speech. And then Pansy Parkinson stands up before Dumbledore can take back control of the room and says “I want to tell Weasley thank you.” And all of Slytherin House raises a glass–to Warrington, to Weasley, to Potter–and the other houses follow suit. Many years later, Wizarding scholars will say that was the moment Voldemort truly lost.

Imagine later that summer. Harry gets several owls on his birthday, all unsigned. The birds are plump and pretentious and well-cared-for. He will never know which Slytherins sent him their treasures: parchments with hexes developed by the Death Eaters; a strange locket that will only open if he whispers a special spell but that always shows him the picture he most needs to see; a page torn from a potions book that, brewed properly, will allow him extra time to summon a Patronus by giving him a few crucial seconds not just of happiness but of bliss. It doesn’t matter. Harry knows these gifts not as birthday gifts but for what they really are, and he treasures the locket and copies out the potion to send to Hermione and Mrs. Weasley, and when first summoned by the Order of the Phoenix he marches straight up to Dumbledore with the hexes and says “I can’t tell you where I got these, Professor. But they’re in use by the Death Eaters and I think you should have them.” Months later, Sirius will recognize the spell Bellatrix shoots at him, and will dive out of the way just in the nick of time.

The final battle. Everyone is there. Sirius somehow ends up herding a group of Slytherins. They all stare at him and he at them, across a centuries-old divide Voldemort has only succeeded in deepening. Then he remembers the hexes. Harry’s locket, now tucked under Sirius’ shirt because Harry’s friends are with him in this battle but most of Sirius’ are dead. The moment that happiness potion saved Remus’ life, his very soul. Snape’s final words to Harry, finally seen not as mockery but real true advice. What Harry said Voldemort said–his first words in his new form. They are kids, and they are sharing the same kind of hurt he once wouldn’t admit to, watching his mother burn his name off the family tree. “When we go in there, it’s going to be hell,” he tells the Slytherins. “Some of you are probably going to die. I might go down too, and if I do I want your best curser in the front. But I want you all to remember one thing. There are no spares.”  Later retellings of the battle never fail to mention the moment a group of angry, screaming teens burst into the Great Hall, wearing their green and silver as the badge of honor it should be, shouting NO SPARES, NO SPARES at the tops of their voices in between hexes and curses and the occasional physical punch. When Hermione is present, she always interrupts the storyteller to be sure everyone knows about the moment Blaise Zabini shoved her to the floor, dropped on top of her, fired off three curses in rapid succession and said “stay alive, Granger, we need you” before jumping back to his feet and vanishing into the melee–how, for all anyone knows, those may have been his last words, and she will not let his sacrifice go unnoted. 

The aftermath. Malfoy holds out a hand to Sirius, badly injured on the floor. Sirius asks how Malfoy is willing to trust him. Malfoy nods at his chest. “You’ve got my godfather’s locket,” he says, and when Sirius and Harry finally speak after the battle Harry gives his full agreement to the very first thing out of  Sirius’ mouth. They give the locket to Malfoy. Sirius grits his teeth and closes his eyes and opens them and says “He probably saved my life, giving Harry that.” He doesn’t say thank you. Malfoy hears it anyway.

The school reopens under a single banner: the four Houses united. The House rivalry is reduced to just that–a competition in fun–with those deep divides slowly healing to scars, and eventually away to nothing at all.

Imagine it.

This made me cry.

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

I was waiting for the night bus at 1am the other night, eating fries, when a dude, high as fuck, tried to harass me. It took several “I don’t want to talk to you, please go away” for him to finally move, but I think it helped that another man was giving him the death stare and clicking his tongue at him. He then checked I was okay and whether I knew the guy or not. Good dude.

Shout out also the man who silently switched places with me on another night bus to be a buffer between me and a guy who had threatened me. Thank you

Men: this here? This here is what you need to be doing as allies. The men who harass and insult women are not likely to take our complaints about it seriously. But you, another man, they will listen to. 

I was pumping gas at like 10 PM one night, and these bunch of drunk guys came walking up to the gas station, and one of them yelled over to me if I wanted to see his dick.  His friend says to him, “You don’t have anything she wants to see.” and apologized.  It was pretty awesome.

this is all we want from men. to recognize the wrongs done by other men, and acknowledge it. not give us shitass defense like, “not all men do that”

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this is proper chivalry

Giving money away

Hey everyone, I’m giving a thousand away again, I’ll pick a random reblog, i really don’t want this money, it doesn’t make me happy and I’m hoping it’ll make someone else happy

Share the love and I’ll share my money

reblog if vampires are valid and your blog is a vampire safe zone

i would like to add to this and say that my blog is also a lycanthropy-positive zone and werewolves are welcome to follow me

i am feeling the werewolf-vampire solidarity in this chili’s tonight

good morning I just woke up obsessed with the idea of a movie filmed in the style of a true crime documentary except it’s in the Twilight universe and a bunch of completely ordinary humans are trying to figure out why Bella effectively disappeared after high school without knowing anything about vampires

let’s review the Facts of the Case as far as anyone who’s not in on the secret knows them

  • super normal teenage girl moves to small town
  • becomes obsessed with a guy who by all appearances is in a cult
  • the incident where they dramatically broke up and Bella tried to go back to Phoenix but Edward followed her and they got back together but also Bella’s leg got mysteriously broken
  • another dramatic breakup and this time the entire family skips town leaving Bella catatonically depressed
  • sudden trip to Italy??? and then the entire family comes back???
  • Whatever Happened In Eclipse I Don’t Remember 
  • Bella marries boyfriend of approx. a year and a half, goes away on an exotic vacation and immediately contracts a life threatening disease
  • is rarely seen in public again until her mysterious death, which if I’m remembering correctly is a thing?? because Bella was pretty sure her mom wouldn’t be able to handle the vampire thing and that they were going to have to fake a death which is!! fucked UP
  • also apparently the Cullens haven’t ever bothered with, like, changing their names, so if anyone goes poking around they’re easily going to discover a family of seven rich weirdos moving around various overcast cities together for at least a century 
  • tell me you wouldn’t watch this shit 

highlights:

  • generic Missing White Woman opening that rapidly spirals into interviews Bella’s hilarious tacky high school classmates talking shit about the Cullens (Mike Newton’s Time To Shine)
  • Charlie (who Knows) uncomfortably lying to the camera about how of course he’s Very Sad about all of this and misses his daughter a whole lot. the crew immediately begins speculating about Charlie’s involvement.
  • a few scenes shot in Italy. the voice over concludes that there are no clues to be found there while a Volturi member hovers very obviously in the background for the audience’s enjoyment 
  • testimonies about Carlisle’s character that end with the interviewee getting distracted thinking how hot he was, including Charlie 
  • a segment trying to figure out what the Fuck Jacob’s involvement is followed by a montage of werewolves slamming their front doors in the crew’s faces
  • a brief mention of the murder spree that happened in Seattle during Bella’s senior year but quickly shrugging it off as DEFINITELY unrelated to any of this 
  • trying to dig into where the Cullens lived before Forks and quickly realizing that None Of These Children Existed Before the Age of Seventeen
  • briefly toying with a kidnapping scenario before stumbling onto a record of the Cullens in some other town that’s JUST old enough to be inconsistent with the ages they were supposed to be in Forks
  • “wait I think all the kids were actually in their twenties, maybe?”
  • “wait what the fUCK?”

bold of you to assume that it would be Mike talking shit about Bella and not Jessica, because let’s be honest here, wasn’t that boy compared to a golden retriever at some point in that book? he would talk shit about anyone (save maybe for Ben while they were still fighting for Bella’s attention) and Jessica was, well, Jessica.

actually I don’t think it’s a stretch, at all.

I don’t think Mike ever liked the Cullens; he was specifically jealous of Edward because of Bella’s interest in him, but I didn’t get the sense he cared for any of them very much. plus, you know, there’s that thing where people love to act like they always knew someone was No Good™ once that person is placed under suspicion. Mike, especially a few years down the road, would be more than happy to puff himself up and act like he always sensed something Wrong with Edward. 

Jessica, on the other hand, is painted as an attention seeker who mostly uses Bella for attention from other’s, so she’d be MORE than happy to cry big public tears about how much she loved poor Bella and how they were BEST friends and how SAD it all is.

This seems more interesting than the source material.

that’s honestly what I really love about Twilight

the mythology is Wild and most of the cast are actually pretty interesting as characters, but the books get so bogged down in The Romance that a lot of potential goes untapped, which makes for bad reading but an incredible sandbox to play in if you’re a fan

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I made a GoFundMe for me for my cat. He started hissing and growling at me Friday after trying to use the litter box which he has NEVER done before and I knew something was very wrong so I took him to an emergency vet. He ended having a urinary block and spent a few days there and is now back home. He was recovering decently but today has refused to eat and has blood in his urine today, and has had trouble taking back control of his bladder so he’s just constantly leaking. I’m keeping an eye on him 24/7 basically and even hardly sleeping.

Literally ANYTHING helps me, and I’m still unemployed so having to drop so much on him has really left me at a disadvantage.

This cat means SO much to me and has been here for me for years. He always knows when I’m sad or sick and gives extra cuddles. I probably would not still be here if it wasn’t for him. Please help me/him out!

Here’s all the vet bills too. I have the GFM set a bit higher to account for their taking a percentage of the fees.

AH PLEASE HELP THE OLD MAN

Hey friends. A sad update. My boy had to be rushed back to the vet this morning because he was getting worse. He’s undergoing another 24 hour stay to determine exactly what’s wrong but it’s not too positive.

The best case scenario currently is that he has a bladder infection that was resistant to his antibiotics with the worst scenario of that being it moved into his kidneys. The worst case scenario is he may actual have a tumor in his bladder causing blood clots.

My poor boy had lost over 3 pounds and was running a low temparature so he’s really getting very sick and it’s a good thing i took him in when I did.

His stay is going to cost about another $1,000 due to all of the tests they’re running and treatment (which will cost more) will be dependent upon what they discover. I’ll be amending the GoFundMe sometime in the near future to reflect the extra costs.

I’m completely devastated right now. I absolutely can’t lose him. I refuse to. He means too much to me and has always seemed to know something’s wrong with me and has done everything he can to make me feel better. It’s so cliche but I legitimately don’t think I’d be here still if it wasn’t for him being my constant companion and complete mama’s boy for the last 6 years of my life.

Stay strong baby boy. Your mama’s gonna repay the favor. You’re so loved.

I had to take him back a THIRD time

So the most recent update with the vet is basically that he needs immediate bladder surgery to clear it out and remove what looks like a massive blood clot as well as having his urethra widened. Without this he’s almost certainly going to reblock and because of this they’re saying the best option if I can’t do the surgery would honestly be to put him down.

The surgeries and post op care and everything (he’ll need a blood transfusion as well because he’s still very anemic) is going to cost an additional 4-5k placing total sum of all his care around 10k.

Please, PLEASE reblog this if you can’t donate. I’ve exhausted almost all financial options and I don’t want to lose him. I love him so much and he has so many more years left to live (he’s only 6). He means absolutely everything to me. I can’t see him go so soon. I can’t.

I got to visit before his surgery tomorrow ❤

My cat also tends to get urinary blockage. It’s very expensive and stressful because he could flare up at any time! Please support if you can.

My perfect crime

I find a genie. My first wish is to ask for 100 bucks. Genie thinks they’re clever, gives me 100 male deer. I sell the deer on the market, which gets about $29.50 per pound. The average male deer weighs around 300 lbs but we subtract 8.4 pounds for the head. That averages to $8,602.20 per deer. But what about the head? Taxidermy deer heads start on eBay around $150 per head. That’s now $8,752 per deer.

I have 100 bucks. That’s 875,200 US dollars. I can now attend a four-year US college and cover food and board. Probably.

In modern AU KKC Elodin would be that one teacher that goes on a field trip with 20 students and comes back with only 4…

and he’d also have sunglasses and smoke week in the toilets when he thinks nobody’s looking

Wise Man’s Fear: Kvothe experiments with his sexuality. Us gays: He’s queer?????? Kvothe: Here’s the story of me sleeping with ever basically a succubus and every other woman I see. Us:

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I wonder if this is another case of being an unreliable narrator. Like think about it: he’s telling his story to a bunch of men to be recorded in all the history books. Patrick Rothfuss confirmed Kvothe is a bi disaster, so I’m guessing Kvothe just cut that out bc of society being heteronormative.

OR 

Pat could just give us canon confirmation in the books instead of beating around the bush… 

And Kote is debunking all his childhood myths (well, most). Why would being bi be any worse than, oh, I don’t know, burning down a town or committing mass murder? 

(you do have a valid theory, but I’m salty and queer) 

"Straight couples shouldn't be at pride"

Well uh…

1.) one or both of people you see as a “straight couple” could be pan/bi/poly/ace

2.) one or both of them could be trans or non binary

3.) you could be misgendering someone

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4.) They could be there to give moral support to a queer friend or family member who didn’t want to go alone.

Number four is important

5. They could be there because they support the cause stop fucking gatekeeping

6. They could be there in memory of a loved one, don’t forget Pride used to be a memorial as well as a celebration. I know a good number of straight people who go to Pride to celebrate the lives of friends and family who have died because they want to remember them as they lived, happy and joyful and surrounded by a community that loved them.

ALL OF THE FUCKING ABOVE.

what a beautiful day to remember that bisexual women in relationships with men + bisexual men in relationships with women have every right to attend pride events with their significant other and the concept of ‘straight passing privilege’ should be left in the trash where it belongs