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im just tired and sad

@autistic-human

non binary(they them) with autism, self worth issues and anxiety
Anonymous asked:

No one knows how Duke’s powers work- least of all Duke. It’s a bit of… trial and error as the family help (and laugh at him) as he figures them out. Stupidest thing they’ve done with duke/ convinced him to do “just to see if he could”

  • Harper and Cullen want to know if he can control light-based appliances, so he spends half an hour trying to telepathically unscrew a lightbulb. Results: he looks so constipated that Alfred offers him a laxative tea
  • Tim wonders how well Duke can control lasers, so he sets up an elaborate maze of lasers and mirrors with alarms if any of them are tripped. Result: he can see invisible lasers and move the beams out of the way, but forgets to factor in mirror physics and trips the alarm anyway
  • Inspired by a homework problem, Steph decides to see if Duke can manipulate light at the particle level. They "borrow" Atom's belt and shrink Duke down to the size of a molecule. Result: inconclusive—he ends up running from a rolling photon Indiana Jones style
  • Damian asks if Duke can generate light in the absence of anything. They get away from Gotham and go into a really dark forest on an overcast night. Result: he can, but also moths
  • Babs brings up the important question: do his clothes turn invisible? Result: no, in the most cartoonish way possible
  • Cass is curious just how dark he can make things with his umbrakinesis. Result: Bruce calls the Justice League because he thinks there's a black hole in the Batcave
  • Dick wants to know if Duke's powers are influenced by strong emotions like Starfire's, so he makes a list of Duke's favorite things and takes him out for the best day of his life. Result: they aren't, but Duke gets a rare Yu-Gi-Oh card
  • Jason has the same question as Dick, but he takes it in the opposite direction. Every time they pass each other, Jason shouts, "NICE LEGS DAISY DUKES." This goes on for three weeks. Result: they still aren't, but Duke is really annoyed
  • Duke wonders if getting hit by light beams hurts. Result: he makes up a whole new case to explain his black eye that now Bruce expects him to solve
  • Alfred asks him to turn off the lights in the other room. Result: yes he can (the scream from the shower is irrelevant)
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I think Duke would have serious Mothman problems

I hate to say this but now I have the most cracky ship

A moth person and Duke would be hilariously dumb and cute

...this is perfect and adorable I have no notes

Glad you like it, too bad I know very little about Duke. 😅

Okay, headcanon time!

  • They are, and I cannot stress this enough, disgustingly cute together
  • Make chronically single people gag level cute
  • Dick is super creeped out by their giant moth eyes and extra legs but tries so hard to hide it.
  • Duke is really anxious to introduce his Moth-Person to Bruce, but Bruce is just relieved he hasn't brought home a speedster or arrow
  • Tim is too tired to notice that they are a MOTH and just goes "nicetomeetyou" and goes back to work
  • Cass is immediately friends with them
  • Duke takes them to a movie and tries to make a move, but they're mesmerized
  • They really like it when he brushes their fur
  • Fireworks work better than a movie
  • Extra hands means always having one free for hand holding

Batkid Groupchat

Dick: someone save me pls

Jason: What's wrong?

Dick: Gala at Wayne Manor

Dick: This guy won't stop talking to me

Jason: lol sucks to suck

Damian: Sorry Richard, I cannot attend to the situation. That would give up my hiding spot.

Damian: I meant vantage point.

Damian: If any of you tell Bruce, I will murder you.

Cass: Damian, look up

*sends photo of Damian in the rafters of Wayne Manor*

Damian: Ah, great minds think alike I see.

Tim: hold up Dick, I wanna get out of this conversation too, I'll be over in a sec

Steph: Can't relate

Steph: This is why you don't let the first billionaire who offers adopt you

Steph: then you gotta go to the stuffy parties

Steph: Duke and I are the only smart ones

Duke: Agreed, have fun at the party

Later at the Gala

*Red Hood and the Outlaws come busting through the door*

Red Hood: This is a hostage situation

Red Hood: We want Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain, and Damian Wayne.

Bruce, also desperately wanting to get out: Aren't you forgetting someone

Red Hood: Oh, right, Alfred Pennyworth

Bruce: aren't you forgetting someone else?

Red Hood: No

Bruce: Ja- Red Hood. Aren't you going to take me!

Red Hood: what would I need you for? I already have CEO of Wayne enterprises *ruffles Tim's hair, about to get fought by Tim* (under his breath: you fight back, I'm leaving you behind), a police officer, biological son of a billionaire, cool af dancer Cassandra Cain, and Alfred the Almighty

Bruce: don't you want a billionaire too?

Red Hood: If I take you, who is going to pay the ransom?

*Taking the Batkids and Alfred out of the gala as Bruce pouts*

Jason: one of you swipped Bruce's credit card before we left, right?

Tim: of course, we aren't amateurs

Jason: then ice cream on Bruce!

Jason: Wait!! I did forget someone!!

Jason: Award winning journalist Clark Kent, you're also officially a hostage

Bruce: OH COME ON!!!

Jason: So. Talia just called.

Jason: Anyone want to tell me why Ra's just had the Joker killed as a training exercise for his newer ninjas?

Tim, who casually mentioned to Ra's that Joker was higher on his list of annoyances than he was so that he could have him eliminated without getting his hands dirty: 👀👀👀

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Dick: Why does Bruce look more tired than usual?

Duke: He woke up at 6 am to Damian screaming.

Dick: Oh my gosh, is Damian okay?

Duke: You know how roosters scream at an unreasonable hour in the morning? Damian got a rooster recently and to make it feel comfortable, decided to join it’s morning screaming session.

Dick: Uhh…

Duke: He said I could join them tomorrow.

Dick:

Duke: I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Duke: Tim and Jason are going to join in too. For catharsis

Dick: Oh...

Duke: ....you want in, don't you?

Dick: BROTHERLY BONDING!!

What if Tim's shenanigans with Ra's happened earlier? Like when Jason and Damian are still with the league.

Dick's worried because one brother is dead and the other is missing after a fight they had. Then Tim comes back home with:

  • The previously assumed dead brother
  • A new, secret brother
  • A convoluted plan to get their dad back
  • His whole ass self
  • Correction ALMOST his whole ass self
  • A smoothie probably

Dick: What did you do?

Tim: Alright, but you can't be mad at me

Dick: What did you do?

Tim: Ok so I was minding my own business

Dick: BULLSHIT

Tim: I WAS!! And committing a little art theft. Anyway, then this immortal weirdo comes up to me and is all "I too believe the Bat is lost in time, allow me to help you find him Detective"-

Dick: Fuck me with a crow bar you met Ra's

Tim: Yeah he said some mega creepy things and Jay says we'll have to go back and kill him. Now quit distracting me!

Dick: Jay?

Tim: Yes Dick, Jay. You know, Jason? Our brother?

Dick: Who's dead

Tim: Lazarus pit Dick! Keep up! He's asleep on the plane

Dick: HE'S ALIVE! WHY DIDN'T YOU START WITH THAT!!

Tim: Because he said, and I quote "If anyone wakes me up, I'm going to burn Gotham to the ground and spit on the ashes" he brought a lot of explosives with him so I think he's serious. Now can I please finish my story?

Dick: Gonna be really hard to focus on anything else, but sure

Tim: Thank you. So i spent my first night with the league looking for all the exits, because contrary to your belief I do have brains in my head. And I found Bruce's secret love child with Talia-

Dick: Nevermind, I'm focused

Tim: -and Jason sparring! And I couldn't leave them there! So after figuring out how to get Bruce back, I brought them here and here we are!

Dick: Did you do anything else? Overthrow a dictorship? Get married to an alien queen? Impregnate someone?

Tim: I might have lost my spleen and blown up all of Ra's hiding holes

Dick: Yeah, sure, whatever, might as well

Dick: Anything else

Tim: Oh yeah there's our sister-

Dick: -our sister??!

Tim: Yeah she's the daughter of David Cain and Lady Shiva, try to keep up man

Dick: Lady Shiva had a child?? I- okay-

Tim: And also I think I'm engaged? Or was engaged?

Dick: Huh?? Wha- congrats?? Wasn't Conner dead?? What do you mean you think you're engaged??

Tim: Oh the engagement is to Tam not Kon (why would I be engaged to Kon? I'll figure that out later)

Dick: Tam, of course. Who the fuck is Tam??

Tim: -and also I got an assassin best friend

Dick: What?!

Tim: Say hi, Pru. Don't kill him, please

Dick: Damian, what are you doing?

Damian, with a handful of chalk dust: Science.

Dick: Oookay. Explain?

Damian: I am handing inedible but non-toxic things to Drake and seeing if he eats them. The results are fascinating.

Dick, looking at his notes: Please tell me he didn't eat iron shavings.

Damian: No, but he did eat the gold flakes. See, I documented it all. After this I'm testing laundry starch and paper.

Dick: Just- just don't poison him please.

Damian: Of course I won't. I won't learn anything if he's dead.

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Yeah. Yeah. This feels right.

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Damian: *hands Tim his phone*

Tim: *bites down on the case, realises it's not a bagel, decides to just follow through and chews on his phone case*

Damian: *horrified* I've made a monster

broke: batfam finds out about tim’s missing spleen

woke: batfam finds out about how many assassins tim blew up while bruce was dead

This but everyone knows a different part of what happened while he was gone

Bruce: council of spiders maybe 

Dick: almost fell to his death after tricking ra’s

Jason: ra’s crush/obsession thing

Steph: technically leading the league of assassins for a bit

Duke: international art theft

Cass: she knows a vaguely of all of it but mostly the almost rape after

Alfred: the spleen thing

Damian: all the assassins he straight up exploded

If they spoke to one another they could get an almost coherent picture but they all just write that time off as one of those things you don’t bring up yourself.

These tags are absolute GOLD:

Damian: >tt< people who think my mother would settle for my father again are sorely mistaken

Jason: Absolutely. Mom can do so much better than a guy in a fur suit

Nightwing, playing along: Implying that Bruce would want to date Talia again?

Steph: First off, who wouldn't? Second, implying someone else wants to date Bruce?

Jason: Selina?

Tim: You're joking right? She's too awesome for him

Damian: Well my mother is too good for him as well

Duke: Clark, maybe?

Jason: Hmmm I mean yeah they're kind of on the same level I guess? Bruce is still reaching but like,, Clark's not lowering his standards as much as Talia or Selina would have to

Damian: I concur

Somebody: Oooh what if Wonder Woman dated him?

All the Bats: *scoff *

Duke: Vicki Vale

Tim: Oh my gods. You've achieved the impossible. You've found the one person in the world who would make Bruce be the one dropping their standards straight into hell

Talia: I would sooner date Selina than date Bruce again

Selina: Great. Pick me up at seven;)

Jason: ... honestly this works, right?

Damian: Yes, at least this way we can spare them both the pain of tolerating father (also the cats will be mine)

I need more Damian and Tim disliking each other because of how similar they are.

---

Dick: Who would you say you're closest to in the family?

Tim: My sister (referring to Cass)

Damian: My sisters (referring to Maya, Steph and Cass)

*Twin noises of disgust*

---

Jason: Why did I wake up to two separate video recordings with post-it notes attached to them reading "I beat up the Joker using a crowbar"?

Tim: You little shit, you stole my gift idea?!

Damian: No, you copied me!

---

Dick: Ok, so if we had to pick-

Tim and Damian, in unison: Obviously plan C

Tim and Damian: *glare at each other*

Damian: It has come to my attention that my brothers have shown a proclivity towards developing feelings for their older relatives' paramours

Jon: Mmhm

Damian: With Grayson, it was during father's brief tryst with Wonder Woman, which I cannot fault him on. Todd had feelings for Starfire, and Drake admitted to having a slight crush on Arsenal.

Jon: Mmhm

Damian: Now, I'm quite confident in my own abilities, but with Drake's new relationship with your older brother, I fear the worst... Jonathan, are you even listening to me?

Jon, clearly ignoring him as Tim passes by their room: H-hey, Tim [with very obvious stars in his eyes] how have you been?

Damian: [Horrified] Oh, this? This is worse than what I could have imagined

Tim: [watching as Titus is wrecking his room] Okay, the key with dogs is establishing the alpha

Jason: [has been watching this disaster from the beginning and intends to see it to the end] Mmhm

Tim: Titus, dwop it! Pwease dwop it. I'll give you anything you want

Jason: Oh, Titus is the alpha. Didn't expect that.

like yknow the reason why cass became a hero with a no kill rule instead of becoming a weapon of mass murder like her father intended? it's bc of her empathy. cain's plan backfired bc he failed to consider humanity and empathy. when cass killed she understood what fear and death meant and that realization led her to running away! everything she does is motivated by compassion! she almost dies for it so many times! she fails to see herself as a hero because of compassion!

hey btw. why does everyone i care about die? because you care about everyone.