jesse i ordered unlimited breadsticks forever ago and theyre still not here. mistah white that was the limitless breadsticks, the breadsticks without a limit. theyre going to approach but never reach your table. see, the waiter is walking towards us at a constant rate but getting only nearer and nearer without getting to us. sorry this is a breakingbad post i didnt jnow how else to frame my joke. can someone drive me home now that im done i dont have a license

you probably thought today was a normal Monday. nooooope. strong as fuck ice mummy again, sorry.

I love stories that are love stories but aren’t about romantic love!!!!!!!!! even if they contain romantic love it’s not the focus!!! and love for friends and community and strangers is shown as valuable and worthwhile!!!

the pussy got me feeling *shadowboxes for a few seconds, does an uppercut* POWERFUL

me: Ah my lovely new rug is finally here, one of a kind, hand woven, it really brings the room together.

Jeffery the spiller, holding a cartoonishly large drink with no lid:

Watch out! Jeff the miller is finely grinding various grains into meal

Watch out! Jeff the miller is making you discard your deck so you have no more cards to play

Every post on reddit is like “my wife left me, so i spent 100000 on a new man cave” and there’s always a storm trooper of some kind in the room. Ive seen this happen so often on reddit that now i associate storm troopers and the entire star wars universe with divorce.

may divorce be with you

My Movie

Tumblr Code.

If I ever see any of you in public, the code is horrifying weapon attack

The response will be collapsing into a bloody heap!

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one fells me with a single wicked blow now!

I 100% mean it when I say more franchises need a video game that’s based on Ace Attorney. Forget the requisite fighting game I want to see how those characters deal with a courtroom drama.

yesterday i thought i was sick but it turns out i just lost gas station hot dog roulette. life is full of little surprises. #woman #feminism

i will be playing this game again in the future. #hotdog

it would be funny if a barrister served coffee to their client. or if a barista needed to be admitted to the bar and have a juris doctor. these are the things i think about sometimes, and feel motivated to share.

it really is funny how similar barrister and barista sound. i guess you just can't "get" it unless you have a really well developed sense of humor, and are smart, and stacked/hung/both.

also i guess you have to be wealthy, and have great taste, perfect teeth, be internationally regarded as a member of the literati, beloved by everyone you meet, etc. if you don't realize how funny it is, that barrister and barista are such similar words, then i guess all of those things are false about you.