Falling

I've always been one to fall. Fall on the sidewalk cause I'm a dancer with two left feet, tripping over the uneven cracks in the cement. Fall in love too fast because the person in front of me has become a new hyper-fixation and I want to know everything about them. Fall down rabbit holes because I'm forever chasing glimpses of dopamine. Fall out of love because I now know everything and I no longer feel the connection I once had. Maybe I'll always be the one falling; in and out of love, over shoelaces and sidewalk cracks, just short of what you want.

We were lovers between textbook pages and three-credit-hour classes. Friends between shifts at the front desks of the dorm buildings, barely making minimum wage. We were happy on weekends when responsibilities disappeared for a few hours. Close when the sushi place five minutes from campus ran their lunch special and the pizza place was open until 1 am.

We were something nice when you turned my playlist into our playlist and bragged to your friends about my taste in music. At peace on the long nights spent talking in your bed, anything and everything on the table laid bare. We were together at every moment we could to the point our friends hardly saw one without the other. Perfect on paper and in the eyes of everyone else and each other.

We were good until I got too busy to spend my every waking moment with you. Great until you decided you want the open spot one rung up in the ladder and it consumed you. We were golden until I asked you not to say certain jokes and that I wasn't in the mood. A match made in heaven until I was the source of every problem and was scared to open up about my feelings.

We were permanent until you decided that on the chance that you got that promotion that we were actually temporary. Solid until you decided to poke and prod at my cracks until I broke apart in your hands. We were fine until fine became a lie I told you to appease you into leaving me alone for just a moment to breathe. Whole until you took me apart piece by piece until only the parts left were the ones you liked.