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During Band Today

So we were doing Scales Studies when our conductor had not arrived yet and when we got to the 4th scale which the Primary 3 juniors did not need to play, my Band Major said : Band Major : Scales Studies Number 4, P3 Juniors don't need to play, PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING ABSURD My Section : *laughs uncontrollably*

All the band kids are having a great time.

However, it’s that time of the year again.

That’s when they hear it.

Many are running and hiding.

Children are crying and things are going up in flames.

It’s almost here.

Pomp and Circumstance is coming.

We’re playing a song called John Williams In Concert in band and one part is the Jaws theme, and today this kid ran around the band room like this for the entirety of the Jaws part.

Band instruments as things I've heard them say

Piccolo: .... (I don't think I've ever heard them speak. Thinks they're better than everyone and doesn't talk to other band kids)
Flute: guess what 'band director' said about 'piccolo'
Oboe: *quietly playing a solo, very concentrated*
Bassoon: *squeak*
Clarinet: we're gonna play those two notes ff instead of p so it sounds like 'DOOT DOOT' wanna help
Bass clarinet: I don't think I play here
Alto saxophone: I can fit my whole mouthpiece down my throat I'll show you
Tenor saxophone: we either play 4 half notes the entire song...or constant 32nd notes....I don't understand
Bari saxophone: so do I do sectionals with the trombones, or...?
Trombones: *screams into instrument*
Tuba: why am I even here
French horn: (secluded, doesn't speak much. Very put together. Know what they're doing)
Trumpet: *clearly plays wrong note* that wasn't me
Percussion: *screaming* RATCHET SUPREMACY

accurate description of my band

Flutes: We never shut up and we don't know what a tuner is or what a key signature is. Honestly what am I doing here
Piccolo: Haha fuck you
Oboe: Lmao where am I
Bassoon: I'm flat as hell but my dick's not
Clarinets: WE'RE SO GOOD *fucks up a run* WE'RE SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE US *squeaks*
Bass Clarinets: We're the best honestly and we can play higher than the clarinets and that's saying something
Saxophones: I don't even know why i'm here
Tenor saxophones: WHAT THIS INSTRUMENT IS IN Bb???? SINCE WHEN??? DUDE...
Baritone Saxophones: We're also the best. No reason. We just are.
Trumpets: Everyone hates us and we're the reason people hate band haha also headaches are our specialty. You're welcome.
Trombones: We're actually pretty good not gonna lie
Euphoniums: ...
Tubas: Look at this piece it's just the same quarter note all the way through hell yeah this is tough
French horns: Hahhahhhahahahaaahhahah what? Huh?
Percussion: What are we trying to accomplish
Person: Oh, you're in band? What instrument do you play?
Me: Oh, I play the french horn.
Person: You know, I don't know a lot about the french horn, what exactly is it?
Me: a struggle.

the instrument's role in band

french horn: being weirder, more unbalanced trumpets
tuba: elephant noises
euphonium / baritone: *blarp*
flute: 60% of melody
trumpet: trying to be better than everyone else
trombone: comedic relief
piccolo: ??? no one can hear them anyway
saxophone: jazz
clarinet: squeaking noises
oboe: "what's the name of the deformed clarinet?"
bassoon: hilarity
percussion: random noises
piano: accompaniment

Accurate Descriptions of Instruments

Piccolos: no.
Flutes: what you are y'all like some of y'all are really weird and some of you guys are walking goddesses
Oboes: duck sounds, and tuning issues. also chill out ur not oboe god
Clarinets:SHADY AS HELL????? AT EACHOTHERS THROATS LIKE 24/7
Saxophones: You guys are really full of yourselves or emo.
Tenor saxophones:Weird. Wierdos.
Bari Saxophones:Even weirder than the tenors believe it or not
Bassoons:Either lil shits or angels blessed from the high heavens no in between
Bass Clarinets: Emo nerds. That's it.
Trumpets:The big ego thing is not a lie, you either know it or you are in denial.
French Horns:toot toot. hon hon hon baguette.
Trombones:A giant cult. Laughs at fart jokes, god complex.
Euphoniums: Y'all are fucking weird as hell.
Tubas: big toot
Percussion: sex jokes and rim shots