if i had to choose between death and reading homestuck then i would probably just read the damn webcomic but i definitely wouldn't be very happy about it
have you considered i dont want fucking homestuck to be the reason i die. did you think about that
[EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]
ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT. IM PUTTING EVERYTHING ON THE LINE HERE
IF THIS POST GETS TO 10K BEFORE THE NEXT APRIL 13TH, I WILL READ HOMESTUCK.
someone blaze this
only someone who really wants to read homestuck would be dumb enough to tempt fate like this. and with such a generous time limit too!
STOP SAYING STUFF LIKE THIS IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME I WAS ON THE HOMESTUCK WEBSITE
i think this is the homestuck website actually
People will say literally anything about one piece
In ome piece theres an island with really long horses that are called hooooorses
I wasnt joking about this
YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME
how i back up in the target parking lot after my car is 15% out of the space and it’s now legally not my fault if i get hit
- Decrease the Increase.
- Find out whos tye saultry little binch on the bottom lsft.
We did it, the 2 percent, we removed them, this is 100 percent incomprehensible
when you’re in the club freaking it sensitive style
FOOLS. YOU’RE ALL FOOLS.
The CIA couldnt have gotten that out of me with 30 hours of torture
Need head from a broad with acid reflux. Make it sizzle princess
how does tumblr think they can possibly police the content on this website
i saw a really cool butterfly expert man on PBS and was so in awe of him and his butterfly knowledge i tracked down the episode online to see how to spell his name and found his twitter and followed him, only for the next day to awaken to him having read not only my webcomic, but also my livetweets saying how i wanted to marry the butterfly man. he said he was flattered. anyway the moral of the story is please don’t underestimate how far down your twitter a bored entomologist will scroll, and also the internet was a mistake.
you have to listen to loud music . it scares the evil creatures from your head
bonus : without any of the evil creatures left , you can hear the song of the angels more clearly (tinnitus)
my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully
okay so
- be a goth. conservative christian parents don't approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can
- know more about religion than the parents. they'll try to introduce you to christianity because you don't exactly look like a christian but your dad's an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you'll correct them on every little mistake they make
- call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i'm talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like "my liver" or "my little cabbage" (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won't know this they'll just think you're annoying :3)
- to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else
stare at her older brother's ass for just a little too long- have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle
- let them quote bible verses to you. then ask "so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?". it's very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it's even funnier when you've just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history
- ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn't make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-
- be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it's just an act)
go and fuck her brother in an alleyway.the parents won't know about this so it's an optional step- use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that
- just be yourself! that's enough on its own to make them despise you tbh
yes
i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you
Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?
yes
I wonder why
Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you've never met the parents before. Absolute power move.
asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this
want an update?
ofc you do
but i'm too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you've ever been in.
now multiply the awkwardness by 100
first of all i'm just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing
an example of what i would wear as my friend's fake bf:
and as my boyfriend's actual bf:
when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take
sooo yeah my bf told his parents he's gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine... then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they're in the matrix) and said
"and uh. why is...he here?"
i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son's boyfriend
:3
i've never seen two people look more angry before but they weren't gonna say anything because they had other family members over
the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i'm not very religious now, but that's something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss
aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn't stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don't think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf's parents
Basil I hope you know that I couldn't forget a faggot like you if I had amnesia. I could forget my own mother but I'm never forgetting what a fucking chad you are.
Seein' too many Twitter refugees asking if they'll get in trouble for saying "kill yourself" to people and while no, you're not gonna get nuked from orbit, that is maybe something you just shouldn't be doing in general perhaps?? Maybe telling people to kill themselves is bad actually?? Some of y'all are wild, why is the first thing you can think to ask on a new platform if you can send one of the worst kinds of harassment to people?? Grow tf up and learn how to use the block button. It'll do wonders for your mood, trust me.
"It's a joke!"
Some things to add from the notes:
Telling someone to kill themselves, even as a joke, is against tumblr's community guidelines and you can and likely will be reported if you do it publicly.
As for doing it privately, while your friends probably won't report you, tumblr knows which asks and messages are connected to which accounts, EVEN ANONYMOUS ONES, so if you send stuff that that to someone else it can be traced back to you no matter what.
Which leads us to two, this kind of behavior can land you with actual legal charges if the person you sent that message to actually does take their own life. Even if they're a friend and you were kidding, their family might not see it the same way. And even if the person you're saying it too is your friend and knows you're joking, well if you have a really bad falling out they have dirt against you. Or if one of your accounts gets hacked, then whoever did that has even more dirt on you. Trust me, that shit looks Really Fucking Bad out of context...and in context, tbh. It just looks bad.
Like seriously, I am usually pretty chill about dark humor, but this is literally the One Thing it is hella irresponsible to just say to people for dozens of reasons and tbh you should work on removing it from your vocabulary asap. I know people don't really do the whole internet safety stuff anymore since the government sold our souls to Facebook and Google but there is no real anonymity online anymore and "the things you say online can have actual repercussions for your real life and the lives of the people around you" is a very basic rule that is more true now than it ever has been before and I think we all need to remind ourselves of from time to time.
TL;DR: Don't tell people to kill themselves, even as a joke. It makes you look like an asshole, can get your account terminated, can get you in trouble with the law, and is all around just a shitty thing to do that should absolutely NOT be normalized or treated as a joke.
Friendly reminder that you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD report people for doing this! It is ALWAYS morally correct to use the report function for the intended purpose: keeping this website livable!