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Designed to do something else entirely

@atomicheavybike / atomicheavybike.tumblr.com

My excessive enthusiam (and meta) about many things, including but in no way limited to Jessica Jones, Once Upon A Time, Person of Interest, cats, squid, Fallout 4, Bloodborne and lots of other telly, animals and games. Also, as of recently, a lot of Star Wars. This blog is a bit all over the place, is what I'm saying - but I'm mainly here for the ladies.

Help! I can't stop thinking about Marika and Rennala in Elden Ring and now it's got so bad I've had to come back to Tumblr to write a little ficlet about it. Except now this is only part one of three and Rennala isn't even in it yet and also I seem to have written it from Miriel's POV. (Spoilers obv)

Pt 1

He met Marika but thrice in all his long life. Still, he believed that he knew her as well as anyone might.

He met her first in the morning of the world, when she came to him in her majesty. Her hair was gold, her sword bright and her arms red to their elbows in blood.

"The giants are defeated then?" he said.

Her grin was as fierce and as chilling as a storm wind. "They were too weak, and my cause too just."

"And they were betrayed."

She laughed. "The trolls' choices were theirs alone. They ripped their god from their own chests."

"As you have taken the Elden Ring into yours."

He could see it shining within her, a rune of beautiful complexity. But he knew that she saw only its power, and in that power, simplicity.

"And after the giants?" he asked.

"My son yearns to test his metal against the ancient dragons. I think I will permit it. A distraction will do him good. He's too much his father's son." There was no warmth in her voice when she spoke of her husband, and little for her only child.

"And then?" he asked.

"And then these glintstone-rotted lands will be purified."

"I see."

"You think me incapable?"

He shook his head, because young though he had been in those distant days, he'd never been a fool.

"You offer absolution, do you not?" she asked unexpectedly.

"Such has been my task."

"Will you bathe me in this dew of stars?" Her eyes were glintstone blue as she held his gaze."

"Which sins do you wish absolved?"

"The giants, and the dragons. The sorcerers, the storm kings, the Nox. Others I cannot remember or who are yet to come."

"Come to me again when you have learned to regret your deeds," he told her. "And then I will absolve you of them."

Another reason Gabrielle is so important to me is that trajectory female characters follow. You know the one. They come into the show and they wear trousers and shirts, they probably have short hair and they definitely have that don’t-give-a-fuck swagger. And lots of queer women headcanon them as lesbian or bisexual.

And then a few years pass and something happens. Maybe the showrunners get scared of the gay, maybe the actress does, or just thinks that looking so butch isn’t helping her career any, and bit by bit the character gets more and more trad feminine. She starts wearing more make-up. Her hair grows out. She cries more on screen and she almost certainly gets landed with a male love interest.

We saw it with Olivia in SVU and Starbuck in BSG. Maria Hill grew her hair out between Avengers movies and don’t even get me started on Emma Swan. And every time it happens, gender non-comforming women like me and lesbians and all the other queer women who saw themselves in that character get the message loud and clear. Character development - character *growth* - is all about erasing the butchness and becoming the Ideal Heterosexual Woman™

But Gabrielle? She’s the only character I can remember who goes in completely the opposite direction. She starts XWP wearing a dress, her hair long and her manner gentle and girly. In season two she marries a man. And then by the end of the show she’s got short hair, abs of steel and is a (softish) butch sais-wielding badass who only has eyes for Xena.

Gabrielle is awesome and important and I will love her forever.

This it it! This is why I adore Gabrielle, and this entire show.

It did the complete opposite of queer-baiting. It got gayer as it went along. Especially with Gabrielle. Like I don’t agree with stereotypes of what constitutes a “straight” person or “gay” person or anything, but I felt as if this was the way Gabrielle was accepting herself as a gay character. Her image slowly changing and evolving into the masculine energy she carried within her all along, but never showed physically from the start. This is why she’s so important to me among many other reasons. She’s the one character in all of TV history that appeared to be heterosexual but was actually, all along, a homosexual. She was never completely straight. Bi, maybe. But never straight. The only gay in her village.

A lot of people have misconstrued my words when I talk about her masculine energy and being a “father” to Eve. I’m not saying she HAS TO have male traits or a male side to do or be any of these things. I am saying that as a WOMAN she has the CAPABILITY and CAPACITY for doing everything a MAN can do, but that she doesn’t have to do it in high heels to prove it to herself. She grows into her masculine energy. She evolves into her core self by peeling back the layers that are not who she is. It was always there. It just couldn’t be seen. And I felt what the writers did with her was show that she didn’t have to make a statement that a female can do what a male can do, rather she could express masculine energy while still being feminine.

So thank you. Thank you for explaining it the way you did. THANK YOU! Just for that, here’s a video you’ll enjoy. 

I don't personally think only gay actors should play gay characters but also lesbians playing lesbians is 1000% hotter than straight women playing lesbians and as my evidence I present: Kristen Stewart.

The three things that happen when a show unexpectedly discovers it has a popular gay ship

1. They ignore it while panicked efforts are made to heterosexualize the couple in question. An acceptable straight white love interest is rapidly shoe-horned into the narrative.

2. They decide to do something nice for their queer fans by introducing an entirely different gay romance that those fans had no previous interest in. This couple will quickly be sidelined.

3. They actually get the gay couple who are shipped by the fandom together. Then they kill one of them.

The one thing that never happens when a show unexpectedly discovers it has a popular gay ship

1. They realize they can take advantage of the scorching chemistry between the pair, slow-burn the romance and end the show by sending them off happily into the sunset.

Xena: Warrior Princess literally did the last one

Only if you ignore the series finale. Which, to be clear, you very definitely should do.

What series finale are you talking about? When Fates Collide ended happily didn’t it?

Silly me. You are of course 100% correct!

The three things that happen when a show unexpectedly discovers it has a popular gay ship

1. They ignore it while panicked efforts are made to heterosexualize the couple in question. An acceptable straight white love interest is rapidly shoe-horned into the narrative.

2. They decide to do something nice for their queer fans by introducing an entirely different gay romance that those fans had no previous interest in. This couple will quickly be sidelined.

3. They actually get the gay couple who are shipped by the fandom together. Then they kill one of them.

The one thing that never happens when a show unexpectedly discovers it has a popular gay ship

1. They realize they can take advantage of the scorching chemistry between the pair, slow-burn the romance and end the show by sending them off happily into the sunset.

Xena: Warrior Princess literally did the last one

Only if you ignore the series finale. Which, to be clear, you very definitely should do.

Why *is* romance seen as an exclusively female genre? What's so intrinsically girly about wanting to fall in love with the person of your dreams? Shouldn't finding love and fulfilment with the right person be a male fantasy too? It's sick that society tells men it's shameful and demeaning to fantasize about love rather than a thank-you fuck from some hot chick you rescued from an explosion.

Fanfic writers have astonishing faith in the power of aspirin and a glass of water to cure hangovers.

Do you like adventure? Strong, complex female characters? Suave pirates in leather? Himbo brothers who need saving? Fantasy creatures? LGBTQ+ characters? Main characters escaping terrible parents? Then Whispering Wildwood is for you! Get it while it’s still in it’s early-days-low-price HERE

Summary/blurb:

Korinne Woodsorrow is trapped. Not only at her parents lumbermill but also in a village where she’s shunned. Worse than that, she’s stuck sacrificing the life she wants for the person she loves.

Next to the lumbermill looms the deadly Whispering Wildwood, with its magical creatures and mystical plants. The wildwood is not to be spoken of and not to be entered.

Yet, when disaster strikes, Korinne has to take her brother--who is all muscles and heart but not much brain--with her into the wildwood on a death-defying quest. Guided by a dashing rogue of a pirate and hunted by mysterious monsters, this quest soon goes deeper into a world of fairytales, danger, and wonder.

Korinne quickly has to figure out who and what to trust. As well as her new future, her sexuality, and of course - what happens if a quest changes into something completely different while you’re on it?

The great thing about The Old Guard is that all the characters love each other but also all the characters gay love each other and I just think that's neat.

‪Cover reveal time!

In short - Whispering Wildwood is a gay as all heck YA fantasy adventure about a pair of siblings who, with the help of a glamorous rogue of a pirate, have to go into a mystical forest to retrieve something stolen by a folkloric beast. ‬

For the longer explanation about the adorable himbo, the issues the heroine face, and the pirate that all my editors have fallen in love/lust with, stay tuned for the blurb/summary.

‪Out on the 28th August!

Has anyone written a fic covering the two minutes after Jane told Lisbon he loved her on that plane? The minute and a half while she pulled herself together and realised she would regret it forever if she didn't go after him. And the thirty seconds it took her to walk down that aisle while all the other passengers whooped and cheered and it was simultaneously the most mortifying and the most exhilarating moment of her life.

The Mentalist is continuing to single-handedly (single-episodely?) get me through the pandemic so apologies if it's literally all I'm ever going to post about again.

Anyway, I've been thinking about Violets. I think the reason I love it so much isn't just that it's the start of the 'Jane finally admitting his feelings to Lisbon' arc - it's also the first episode we can see the new team have fallen in love with Jane too.

I mean a couple of episodes back they weren't sure if they could spare him a few cars and a helicopter and now Abbott's all "What's that you say? You want a marching band? So how large would you like the trombone section to be? And why yes I will dress up and get into a bar fight for you if that's what the plan requires. The plan which, incidentally, we're carrying out for an entirely different part of the FBI for no particular reason other than that Jane felt like it."

I actually think this is why Jane picked this episode to make his first proper move on Lisbon - which he was clearly gearing up to do, come on. He set up his own fake dating AU just for an excuse to put his arm around Lisbon and call her darling.

"Got the Airstream for romantic getaways," I imagine he was thinking. "No more death threat hanging over our heads. Won over the new team so they won't judge Lisbon for dating me. We're all set!" And then Pike showed up :(

Having an apocalypse Mentalist rewatch and it's reminding me that Abbott has the absolute best "are you shitting me" expression of any character on TV. The look he gives Cho when he realises Kimbal has somehow failed to notice that Jane and Lisbon are crazy in love with each other might be my favourite moment in the whole show.

Anonymous asked:

Walking out of the theatre after tros and these middle school kids kept saying “he’s so ugllllyyyy oh my god he’s so ugly his lips look like gummy worms” about Adam driver

and they’re correct

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I'm pretty sure Rey kissed him out of pity because she knew he was about to go poof

She kissed him the way the hot girl in 80s teen romcoms gives the pining nerd a sympathy kiss before walking off with the boy of her dreams. Only Kylo Ren is less attractive than any nerd in any film ever made. Also doesn't seem to have washed his hair since Crait.