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Your Obedient Serpent

@athelind / athelind.tumblr.com

Confessions of a Hoard Potato | On the Cusp of the Boom and Gen X | "The World's Oldest Millennial" | Pronouns They/Them or He/Him | Queer | Here | Get Used To It

I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.

-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a

~*Spiritual Experience*~

I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.

Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.

He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only BARELY enough space for the fireworks and certainly none for his truck.

So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand. This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.

He begins, and this is crucial to what happens next, by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it unsecured on his lawn.

Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.

me: i don’t want to see jellyfish so i will blacklist the tag #jellyfish

people with no common sense: je11yf1sh, je11¥fi5h, j*llyf*sh, je//ÿf!sh, j3ï||yf¡sh, gel lee fisk

result: cannot account for the sheer amount of possible ways to alter the word jellyfish

conclusion: i have to see jellyfish now.

Once again, tumblr is not tiktok, tag properly.

Dan is me 

This is a great example of what people are really like. Most people have a random assortment of knowledge specific to them. In many cases I get told I know a lot when in actuality I just know a bunch of random things about things I like.

this is a message for everyone who is 22. if you’re 22 please stop worrying. take a deep breath eat a bagel maybe. everything that feels impossible is going to work itself out. have a great day

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do u have a message for 25 year olds

uhhhhh 2 bagels?

I'm 32. When I was in my early twenties, I overheard a pair of 50ish year old women talking about the ideal age to stay at permanently. One said, "Everyone says 25. I wouldn't want to be in my twenties forever. Everything is hard and you get upset too easily."

Hearing her say that helped me so much. I thought about it countless times. Every time things felt overwhelming, I remembered what she said. The words of this total stranger, who wasn't even talking directly to me, brought me a lot of comfort, so I hope they can help you, too.

when you and your other disabled friends have different opinions about something trivial it's VERY funny to call this "competing access needs" btw

anytime anything is even mildly circumstantially annoying to me i’m like “this isn’t ADA complaint”

I spent a lot of time the other day telling the cat that he is not ADA compliant, because he keeps blocking my scooter by flopping in the middle of the floor.

Then it occurred to me this might be a case of competing access needs: Orcling needs to be in the middle of the carpet, and I need him to not do that.

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100% my favourite part of the d&d movie was that holga had pit hair. i zoomed the fuck in on that. YES your female barbarian has armpit hair YES she does YES you fucking get it, yes this makes her a million times hotter. good fucking lord

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visual for those who missed it or need something to inspire them to watch this movie

Apparently my stepdad and I are fucking psychically linked because ?? every single time he makes chili for dinner I get a migraine. Without fail. And it became like a ha ha running joke because it happened so many times but now I’m living 3 hours away from my parents and I just texted my mom and

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

Happy disability pride month

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Everyone in NYC got a screeching emergency alert telling us not to heat up our food. Yet all the commercial billboards, NYPD stations, and other utterly unnecessary utilities are left powered on. That’s class warfare, plain and simple.

there is a drought, not enough water to drink, yet the wealthy still have ornamental fountains running, full swimming pools, and lush green golf courses

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Im back on my centaur bullshit. I wanted to do a percentage scale based on what portion of her diet is just apples and how it affects her body.

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Due to some demand I made a 15% form too c:

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Btw much as I love to make fun of twitter and reddit's business decisions, I have 0% trust in tumblr's management to not go a similar route so this is your gentle reminder that you should regularly go to your blog settings to export your blog. That's a fancy way of saying you can download a backup of your blog so if everything goes down you'll still have a backup of your posts & convos.

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It's gonna come as a surprise to most of you, but if you don't want to do that for whatever reason you're allowed to not reblog this post. I'm not holding a gun to your head here I'm just trying to spread the word for people who do want a backup of their stuff.

False. This person has kidnapped my wife and children and won't let them go until I backup my blog. Please help me bring them to justice.