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📸: @placesplusfaces

i'm always thinking that soon. soon i will apply for school or soon i will apply for a job and soon i will get my life back on track and soon i will have my dream body and soon i will have more people in my life that i can call my friends and soon i will go to psychotherapy and get my shit together and soon i will be stable and happy and content

but that soon never fucking comes. i know i have to start somewhere and nothing comes easy and i just have to try. start somewhere, try something. then why the fuck am i not trying? i dropped out of uni 1,5 years ago and what have i done since? nothing. absolutely fucking nothing.

i always did well in school but uni was so different and my mental health was too bad for me to continue. i don't regret dropping out because that felt like the best thing to do at the time. it was a wrong program anyway. but i've done nothing in 1,5 fucking years. i just get manic and think i'm going to do something that changes the whole world and before i even know i'm depressed again and drown in the depths of my misery.

it's always the same. i've tried to start at a day activity centre (i'm not sure what's the official term for that) for over 2 years. and i still haven't started there. i aim too high, i want to study at uni and get a job so that i can get my life back together. i want to achieve something for gods sake! i'm so done with sitting still and doing nothing. i need to do something. now. i'm going to explode.