calling all lesbians: is this compulsory heterosexuality

hi. I need to talk. I'm identifying as bisexual, in a relationship with a man, not sure if I'm even attracted to him or to men in general. I grew up Lutheran. my church didn't tell us that gay people went to hell, but they told us it was wrong. we covered sodom and gomorrah in depth. I used to make myself believe that I was disgusted by homosexuality, and ignore the dreams I had about girls in my class and wonder when I would start having them about boys. I had crushes on boys. I was sexually attracted to my best friend (a girl). eventually I told myself that I could "tolerate" gay people, and then in high school, I started to wonder if I could like girls. fast forward to now. I have been so excited to be with men up until I'm actually with them. even when it feels okay, I can disconnect from the situation so easily. maybe I haven't found the right person. I haven't had many relationships. I'm doing an art minor and I only really like to draw the female body. I'm studying abroad, and someone said to me, guys in america are so hot, right? and I didn't have a good answer. important to note: I have OCD. my mind has a tendency to try to convince me of many things that are not true. being gay would disrupt my life even more than being bisexual, so I am afraid of it, so maybe my anxiety disorder is acting on that fear. my boyfriend is nice. he is funny, and a dork with a decent vocabulary. he has a nice scratchy beard, kisses okay (I've had to teach him a lot), and I like the sound of his voice. I think about times that I've kissed him and I get butterflies.. or maybe it's just my stomach turning. there are more things I've noticed with him and with my relationships with men that are confusing. if you would like to lend an ear, I'd be grateful. love, a confused girl.

My genius of a physics teacher talked about space today. "We're all just energy condensed into very small spaces." The thought that the energy of a major cosmic event came together in the form of something as insignificant as me is fascinating.