@asterismjess / asterismjess.tumblr.com
my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully
congrats on being so awful a boyfriend you destroyed homophobia
erm, sorry, wife 🤓 try inviting me somewhere untouched by the scourge of automobiles if you really want to spend time with me
losing my mind at this guys wife sending him a beautiful view of one of the world’s wonders alone in her hotel room and all he can think to do is go on twitter to complain about how he can see cars in the frame
i hate you ai art i hate you "unalive" i hate you youtube premium i hate you twitter 8$ checkmark i hate you nfts i hate you therapy app advertisements i hate you non-chronological timelines i hate you instagram reels i hate you subtle tiktok filters that cant be turned off i hate you family bloggers i hate you ads on true crime episodes i hate you facebook i hate you vr glasses on chickens i hate you dystopian social media
I would like to note that contrary to popular belief, tuxedo cats are not little businessmen!
tuxedo is formal party attire, if you wore one at a business function, you would be inappropriately dressed!
tuxedo cats are, instead, lil fancy guys, darling socialites, even
Carefree gadabouts.
jolly good chaps
in possession of a good fortune
little Bertie Woosters, every one.
it’s fun to stay at the Y
M
M
*smacks the side of my boom box to get the cd to stop skipping*
This is definitely on par with the original
I have a sneaking suspicion I know what the outcome will look like here. Y’all know the drill, please reblog for bigger sample size!
Also, if you don’t sort them, do you just like…eat them one at a time, or pick out certain ones, or just grab a bunch and go “just fuck me up,” or what? (I have pretty bad OCD. Help me understand you o_o)
I'll do a handful at a time and eat complimentary flavors if they're in the same handful.
sometimes two birds are in love even if they are both boy birds or both girl birds and i for one think that is Very Great.
When my mother forgets a word, she is the queen of coming up with new words. Words that would take a third National Treasure movie to fully decipher. I was talking to her yesterday, and she said this: “You know the time for los jibbities is coming up. You must be so excited!” Oh, is it time for los jibbities already? I must have missed it on my calendar. Are we celebrating something? “Of course! We should all be celebrating, shouldn’t we?” OK, so los jibbities is a happy thing. It’s not like something is giving you the heebie-jeebies, which would have been my one and only guess. “Los heebie-jeebies? Now you’re making things up...and this is my show.” You’re right. The time for los jibbities is coming up. Is this a season? “Yes, the season for love. The season for pride.” OK, los jibbities. “Yeah, sound it out.” Los…jibbities. LGBTs! “Sí, mira cuz you’re gay!” “You couldn’t just say pride season? You couldn’t just… *laughs*
Happy Los Jibbities everyone
the real life version of being doomed by the narrative is knowing you have work in the morning
the irl version of being stuck in the timeloop is also going to work
no DNIs we just post content specifically catered to ourselves that will coincidentally alienate anyone with whom we would not want to interact
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