TODAY IT’S A GREAT DAY BECAUSE IT’S MARCH 15th THE DAY WHEN DENZEL CROCKER LOST HIS HAPPINESS AND IT’S ALSO ANNOY SQUIDWARD DAY

*wakes up* what the fuck

it didn’t ended well the last time

That’s a weird dragon.

shut up i love her

all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.

worst cooks in america is genuinely one of my favorite shows 

REBLOG RARE POSITIVE GORDON

I need me a freak like this 

Schrödinger’s boys

FUCK

What about cracking open a cold milkshake

As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town

This right here is the realest shit I’ve ever read

Tbh

First episode of Bake Off and the contestants have already learned to use booze to appease Mary Berry

SCAMMED LMAOOOOOO

When my mom gives me the phone to talk to my relatives

where does honey come from

beez nuts