Ever been in love? The feeling you get in your stomach, the smile that brushes across your face, your heart pounding, its better then any drug known to man. It all begins with a simple conversation. The first time I knew I was in love? Now I couldn’t even bare to say his name. I never had anyone hurt me so much, trigger so many emotions. I’ve also never had anyone I wanted so badly – it was no longer want, it was a need in my daily life. All these deep feelings started with something as simple as a Snapchat, as simple as asking for my number, as simple as smiling at me, and yes, even him hurting me for the first time. I was in deep, deep enough to kill for someone who hurt me so awfully that if words and actions were scars, I would have no skin left a bruise. So here’s what I don’t get it. Why do we fall for the worst? Fall for the worst and never be able to move on? Desire them, want them, and need them – when all these people do is tear us to shreds? I wish there was an explanation for things like this. Someone to sit down and tell me why my brain is doing this to me, why my body is basically begging to be broken down again. Begging to be used as someone’s punching bag. Begging to be someone doormat- walked all over, used and abused. I just want someone to tell me. Sadly, that’s not how life works. Life has done this pretty fucked up thing to all of us. You see it chooses to chew us up, spit us out, tee at us down down, slap us in the face, and then expects us to be up with a smile on our face the next day. Well for me, that is just not a possibility anymore. After I’ve been in love and been broken too many times to count, I will never be able to unfeel my pain or not think about it every single day. Love is our biggest goal in life, but why would the world want something so painful to be seen as what we aspire for and desire each and every day?