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Broken Whiskey Glass

@asjaax-blog

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Our relationship will never be the same. We cannot pretend as if everything between us is okay. I don’t know where our relationship will go. But, I’ll always care about you. I’ll always be there for you when you need it. And I’ll always love you as a person. Even if we’re not a part of each others’ lives anymore.
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I just miss you so much I swear I can feel the pain in my heart. Like I had a stone inside. I cry my eyes out every night, and I waste time doing stupid things not to think about you during the day. But when I see you I pretend I’m so happy when the truth is I’m slowly dying for you.
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I never meant anything to you - I know that now. I know you used me to boost your ego, and I know you never cared. But I swear I wasn’t like the others. I loved you. I really truly loved you and it kills me every time you walk past me without a glance and act like we were nothing.
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Dear one-sided lover, I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry because I couldn’t love you the way you wanted. I am sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted. But please understand that I am hurting too. The feelings of guilt — they are never ending. The feelings of hope that you might find someone better — they are never ending. I keep telling myself that I didn’t break your heart when I rejected you, but it’s a lie, isn’t it? Liar. Heartbreaker. Liar. Heartbreaker. Liar. Heartbreaker. I see you looking at me when I turn my head. I see you giving me a shoulder to cry on. I see you being the third wheel. I wish I could do something other than limiting my PDA with someone else, when in front of you. But I am helpless too. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I wish someone would give you the kind of love you want. The society makes a mockery of friend-zoned people, but they don’t tell you the guilt that comes with friend-zoning in people like me. It’s all in vain now, because, you’re just a friend to speak about.

From a person at the other end of unrequited love (via thoughtsandsmiles)

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Someone asked me if you were my person. I quickly and nervously replied no, as if I had to defend myself. But deep down, I think you are what I needed at that time. You are what I needed when I tried to end my life. You are who I wanted to tell I was getting better. You are the one I want to talk about my day to.Maybe you are my person. And that breaks my heart more than you ever could, because I’m not yours. You have another person, and I don’t have you.
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Ever been in love? The feeling you get in your stomach, the smile that brushes across your face, your heart pounding, its better then any drug known to man. It all begins with a simple conversation. The first time I knew I was in love? Now I couldn’t even bare to say his name. I never had anyone hurt me so much, trigger so many emotions. I’ve also never had anyone I wanted so badly – it was no longer want, it was a need in my daily life. All these deep feelings started with something as simple as a Snapchat, as simple as asking for my number, as simple as smiling at me, and yes, even him hurting me for the first time. I was in deep, deep enough to kill for someone who hurt me so awfully that if words and actions were scars, I would have no skin left a bruise. So here’s what I don’t get it. Why do we fall for the worst? Fall for the worst and never be able to move on? Desire them, want them, and need them – when all these people do is tear us to shreds? I wish there was an explanation for things like this. Someone to sit down and tell me why my brain is doing this to me, why my body is basically begging to be broken down again. Begging to be used as someone’s punching bag. Begging to be someone doormat- walked all over, used and abused. I just want someone to tell me. Sadly, that’s not how life works. Life has done this pretty fucked up thing to all of us. You see it chooses to chew us up, spit us out, tee at us down down, slap us in the face, and then expects us to be up with a smile on our face the next day. Well for me, that is just not a possibility anymore. After I’ve been in love and been broken too many times to count, I will never be able to unfeel my pain or not think about it every single day. Love is our biggest goal in life, but why would the world want something so painful to be seen as what we aspire for and desire each and every day?